R U OK...Self Esteem/Self Image

There's few things harder on you than...you! When we have negative thoughts and judgements about ourselves it becomes the quickest way to experiencing the worst of life's emotions. Self judgement is so painful that we will often not see it as the problem it really is. We will deny, defend, rationalize and project in order to avoid facing the judgements we are afraid are true about us. If your spouse or boss is critical ( or anyone for that matter) you may find yourself defending yourself, justifying your actions (or inaction's), or attacking them as a way of deflecting the criticism that has hit 'too close to home'.

What does that mean, 'too close to home'? Does it mean that they're right? NO, it means they are pointing at something you are AFRAID is true about you. It might be an area your parents harped on, or something you judged wasn't okay about you; but whatever it is that you 'react' to...it's ultimately YOUR self judgement.

What's wrong with you? Let's take stock. What criticisms make you, at least, a little defensive? Take a moment, reflect on this, (writing them down would be good) and then look to see if you have a judgement about yourself in this area. If it hurts at all...YOU DO! Next look at yourself and reflect on what you like and don't like about your person, your image...what do you NEED to improve? When you've done this then determine what parts of your personality are problematic and what you SHOULD do to be better. Now, you have most or all of the judgements you make about yourself.

The above activity may be difficult because part of your consciousness is aimed at protecting you from these painful opinions you have formed about yourself. You may want to deny that you think something is not okay, but for the sake of this experiment give yourself a chance to look. Why? Because self judgement and negative self image will stop you from having what you want faster than anything on earth.

So, take a look and then begin to appreciate that everything you see that is not pleasing about you is simply your effort to protect yourself. If you are overweight; protection, stubborn; protection, lazy; protection, hostile; protection, depressed; protection, etc,. etc., etc. R U OK? The answer is a resounding 'YES'; but not until it becomes YOUR answer.

You are perfect just as you are, including your need to protect yourself. Yes, defending yourself can be a pain in the butt to most of us; but YOU (The big YOU) is not. Your "coping" (read reactive, defensive personae) may be unpleasant to others and to yourself, but that doesn't make you any less perfect. I will be going into the nature of 'coping' in future articles. but for now you can take it on faith that 'coping', not your essence, is the problem of your negative self esteem.

I hope you will begin to appreciate that your "shortcomings" are not YOU, they are just the fight/flight/freeze protective reactions that you have adopted from childhood. Seek Life Coaching when necessary to help you release from these pernicious reactions, but never forget...YOU are truly OKAY! You are a child of the universe and you belong here...You have a brilliant and unique gift that this world is richer for having...allow that to emerge and allow yourself to feel the authentic emotions of saddness, fear and loss. You will soon find new measures of peace and contentment as you face and release from your self protective reactive behaviors and begin to feel the power of your emotional life. You may want to seek support and I encourage you to do so, but always remember...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...I remain Respectfully Yours...Larry

Thought for the Day...comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to end up in the dumps. Begin to cultivate appreciation of others, empathize with them, respect their trials and tribulations, and begin to notice that you are doing the same for yourself...Be in service to others until you see that you are really in service to yourself.

An Action YOU can Take: I have suggested today's action in today's article. Write down some of the negative judgements you have about yourself and one by one see how these issues are really issues of self protection. Notice how you have identified with certain ones of these and begin the process of dis-identifying by stating, "That is not who I am, it is what I am doing out of fear, pain and loss I have experienced in life." Don't just say this DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF IT FOR YOURSELF!