A Three Part Series
Sometimes being alone isn't just 'being alone', sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes being alone is a statement about us, it means we are flawed in someway because if we weren't we would have someone in our lives. Sometimes being alone is empty, hopeless, and desperate and we find ourselves coping with it in "oh, so many ways."
If you are coping with being alone or being lonely you are 'really' not alone. Millions of us struggle with the issues of relationship. Some people feel more alone IN a relationship than when they were looking for one. If you are seeking a relationship, someone to love and someone to love you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE; but that is little solace as you go quietly to your empty house.
If you are alone against your will, i.e. looking but not finding and feeling frustrated at times with your 'alone-ness condition' we should ask the simple question: "Why are you alone?" Your answers to this question will not be of particular value in their content, but they will be very revealing of the process in which you find yourself. "Why are you alone and not loving it?"
Some of the answers my clients have had, include, "All the good ones are already taken"; "I haven't found the right one yet", No one wants a built-in family", "I'm not attracted to the people who are attracted to me", "People judge me on my looks before they get to know me" and "I just don't meet enough people". There are many others as well, from "I'm too shy" to "Its too hard to really get to know someone." Maybe you're 'too busy' for a relationship, or your finances are too good or too poor; whatever it is you've got 'reasons' for the 'why' of being alone.
Now, if you've read this far and the little voice in your head is starting up with, "What's wrong with being alone. I sometimes think I prefer it that way." you are well triggered and coping. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone; date when you want, or socialize however you choose; but being alone against your will is an emotional roller coaster with far more downs than ups.
The truth is we rationalize, defend, despair, and agonize and still we find ourselves alone; what is there to do? The answer is simple, "learn the difference between being alone and being lonely." If you are alone that is simply a statement of fact for that moment only. If you are lonely, that is a condition of your past and fear of your future. Being trapped in the struggle of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is being trapped in the drama of your fight/flight/freeze conscious mind.
If you are being injured by your state of 'alone-ness', then your conscious survival mind is fighting that battle on your behalf. Take heart, because facing your loneliness is on the road of finding the someones with which to share your life.
Step one of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is facing your loneliness and embracing your life as a single person in our society. You can try to do that 'alone'; or much more effectively with a Life Coach. You are not alone except by fear driven choice. Coming to appreciate that fact will free you to begin your journey in earnest, as you discover the right people or person with which to share your life.
You are alone right now AND it is the opportunity of a life time to discover YOU. The big miraculous YOU of your Authentic Self. Take the first step in your journey by facing your loneliness; contact a Life Coach that can help you open the door to your loneliness and free you to discover the gift you are in this world and to this world. Learn the truth that to, "Love yourself is to allow those around you to find it easier and easier to express the love they have for you." If you fight this battle 'alone' then be prepared to lose. You are not alone and your fears that you are are the only things standing in your way...We will look at connecting with others in part two of this series; but for now...Love the ones you're with, it's all any of us can do...I remain, Respectfully yours, Larry.
Sometimes being alone isn't just 'being alone', sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes being alone is a statement about us, it means we are flawed in someway because if we weren't we would have someone in our lives. Sometimes being alone is empty, hopeless, and desperate and we find ourselves coping with it in "oh, so many ways."
If you are coping with being alone or being lonely you are 'really' not alone. Millions of us struggle with the issues of relationship. Some people feel more alone IN a relationship than when they were looking for one. If you are seeking a relationship, someone to love and someone to love you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE; but that is little solace as you go quietly to your empty house.
If you are alone against your will, i.e. looking but not finding and feeling frustrated at times with your 'alone-ness condition' we should ask the simple question: "Why are you alone?" Your answers to this question will not be of particular value in their content, but they will be very revealing of the process in which you find yourself. "Why are you alone and not loving it?"
Some of the answers my clients have had, include, "All the good ones are already taken"; "I haven't found the right one yet", No one wants a built-in family", "I'm not attracted to the people who are attracted to me", "People judge me on my looks before they get to know me" and "I just don't meet enough people". There are many others as well, from "I'm too shy" to "Its too hard to really get to know someone." Maybe you're 'too busy' for a relationship, or your finances are too good or too poor; whatever it is you've got 'reasons' for the 'why' of being alone.
Now, if you've read this far and the little voice in your head is starting up with, "What's wrong with being alone. I sometimes think I prefer it that way." you are well triggered and coping. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone; date when you want, or socialize however you choose; but being alone against your will is an emotional roller coaster with far more downs than ups.
The truth is we rationalize, defend, despair, and agonize and still we find ourselves alone; what is there to do? The answer is simple, "learn the difference between being alone and being lonely." If you are alone that is simply a statement of fact for that moment only. If you are lonely, that is a condition of your past and fear of your future. Being trapped in the struggle of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is being trapped in the drama of your fight/flight/freeze conscious mind.
If you are being injured by your state of 'alone-ness', then your conscious survival mind is fighting that battle on your behalf. Take heart, because facing your loneliness is on the road of finding the someones with which to share your life.
Step one of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is facing your loneliness and embracing your life as a single person in our society. You can try to do that 'alone'; or much more effectively with a Life Coach. You are not alone except by fear driven choice. Coming to appreciate that fact will free you to begin your journey in earnest, as you discover the right people or person with which to share your life.
You are alone right now AND it is the opportunity of a life time to discover YOU. The big miraculous YOU of your Authentic Self. Take the first step in your journey by facing your loneliness; contact a Life Coach that can help you open the door to your loneliness and free you to discover the gift you are in this world and to this world. Learn the truth that to, "Love yourself is to allow those around you to find it easier and easier to express the love they have for you." If you fight this battle 'alone' then be prepared to lose. You are not alone and your fears that you are are the only things standing in your way...We will look at connecting with others in part two of this series; but for now...Love the ones you're with, it's all any of us can do...I remain, Respectfully yours, Larry.
Thought for the day...You are alone in exactly the way we all are...Uniquely separate in your own point of viewing this universe. You are the vessel for your gift and the expression of that gift. You are precious and valued for being just as you are.
An Action to take: Notice when you are feeling distressed about not having a life partner and ask yourself what that means about you. Write down your answers taking a moment to appreciate the fear and loathing contained in them...and then, as you burn, rip or crumple up the paper, acknowledge the truth; "You are loving and lovable as much as you allow"...Choose this moment to love being you.... Repeat this each time you find yourself triggered by being alone...then get out into the world and love the ones your with...whoever that may be...butcher, baker, candlestick maker.
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