The Miracle of Relationships--Part Three

Part Three--Me, Myself and I

Every relationship you have starts with the relationship you have with yourself. It seems odd to imagine a person having a relationship to themselves; seems an oxymoron, but I doubt any of you would argue that you, in fact, do have a relationship with yourself. Me, Myself and I, three selves? I can't say that for sure, but I can say with complete confidence there are two. One is your auto/protector self, (which always has a two person dialogue...you know the one who just said to you "what dialogue?") and one is your Authentic Self. When you are Authentic it is a singularity; YOU is not in relationship to yourself; 'YOU' is just 'YOU'; BUT when you are in your fight/flight/freeze survival self (the auto/protector self) you compare yourself with others, judge yourself, praise and condemn yourself excessively, and carry on dialogs in your mind about everything.

Your self esteem is a product of this auto/protector self dialogue and your efforts to relate to others are coloured by every insecurity you have about yourself or every over blown opinion. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have and your job, if you choose to accept it, is to eliminate it from the equation.

Authentically you can't have a relationship with yourself...YOU simply are. 'YOU' is the authentic 'YOU' and the big "I". If you are struggling then your choice is, to be with that struggle until it passes, OR, identify with that struggle as who you are...most of the time we choose the latter. There is very little you can do in a relationship when that relationship is based on fight/flight. When you worry about whether or not you (or they) are good enough, worthy enough, okay enough, or just plain 'enough', you are doomed to live in turmoil and drama. If 'YOU' can reemerge and see the struggle you are having then 'YOU' take the first step of releasing from it.

Mind boggling isn't it? 'YOU' and 'you'; two selves and the foundation for the relationship we have with ourselves. 'YOU' must be aware of 'you', that awareness is the opening for real release of the drama and struggle we find in any other relationship we have. "Who is 'YOU'?" is a nonsensical question, but "who are 'you' to...tell me what to do...to like me...to try that dream...to hope for the best...etc, etc, etc, is how we live most of our lives. The little 'you' of your auto/protector is the self conscious awareness of your triggered and coping fight/flight/freeze personae; and it is not a personae who will make successful loving relationships.

Your work is to 'awaken' to the drama playing out in your psyche. Your opportunity is to 'see' that every negative interaction, insecurity, every drama, misstep and dissatisfying relationship is a function of 'you' getting in the way...if 'YOU' see that clearly, it is the only thing YOU will need to transform the quality of your life. Awareness is the key, and the truth will set you free...Love the ones you're with, especially 'you' and let it be...Until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...YOU are perfect just the way YOU/you are...life is unfolding just as it should and just as it does...your power comes not from contesting what is, but from being with whatever is and 'choosing' to bring your Authentic curiosity, imagination, kindness, love and generosity to each given moment...or at least allowing yourself to be aware when 'you' can't seem to allow that.

An Action 'YOU' can Take: Start by observing what isn't working in your life and see what it will take for 'YOU' to show up in that situation. What that means is what will it take for 'you' to release from managing the situation and open the space for 'YOU' to re-emerge with unbiased awareness, kindness and generosity...pick something small that you are not too attached to and notice when a new YOU appears; then go on to the next challenge.



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