Finding Mr. or Ms. Right: Part Three: Being Intimate

A Three Part Series: Being Intimate

If you've been following along in this series, then you realize that having someone special in your life starts by knowing, as a deep and meaningful experience, that you are special. You have, or are working on, experiencing your distress about being alone as the fear based consciousness that it is. You are out in your community interacting with everyone you meet and dealing with your feelings as you recognize your fear in social situations...You have begun connecting with people by letting go of your judgements, both about yourself and them, and are now allowing your interest, empathy, and generosity of spirit to guide you in social interactions. In a word you are enjoying people.

If you are doing all these things and you still find yourself alone you have one more barrier to face...being intimate! Being intimate doesn't mean 'sex', it means being visible, transparent, vulnerable and present in the moment with another human being. Intimacy is authentic self expression, which means saying what's true when it's true. Many people think being intimate means saying nice things and sharing precious hallmark moments...and while that can be wonderful it is only a small part of intimacy.

Intimacy is sharing your fears, judgements, and feelings as you experience them without your mask. Sharing is owning these things and allowing others to see them and have their own reaction to them. Intimacy is being in the moment (whatever that moment is) with another person.

What generally stops intimacy is our fear that others will be offended by our opinions, judgements, and feelings, or that too much vulnerability will put us at risk...so we hide. We hide behind our posturing and social veneer and cope with each other instead of connecting.

When you are ready to have someone in your life you will have to face your own vulnerability and allow others to be vulnerable with you. You can start by picking out some of the most attractive people you know and telling them how much you would like to have a 'someone' in your life. Tell them how attractive they are to you. Tell them how you believe it must be easier for them to find special 'someones' and then listen as they share their own fears and insecurities. Ask for their support and reach out to others you find attractive and interesting until you begin to experience a mutuality.

Contrary to your fear that their is no one out there for you; you will find that there are more than you imagined. People want to bond...people want to connect...people want to love and be loved and as you gain confidence and comfort with your intimacy you will find yourself a magnet for people seeking the same...Love the ones you're with, it's all there is....I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...Confidence is everything in forming relationships...quiet, gentle, vulnerable, confidence and willingness to be present with others and honest with yourself. True confidence is being confident to share how unconfident you feel. Share yourself and your feelings and others will follow.

An Action to Take...Practice your vulnerability by owning your sharing of judgements, opinions, and feelings. You do that by not only sharing your fear, but sharing how it feels to have that fear. Example: "I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing or have nothing to say on a date; and as I see that in myself I feel sad. I think sometimes I'm afraid of my own shadow." It can be a real ice breaker and since it is true (when it is) it is an intimate moment. Practice, practice, practice and you will soon have a full date calendar.