All Things Great and Small

Hi, everyone...today is a grand day...a time of reflection and appreciation...a time of love and respect...a time of joy and well being...today is grand, it is timeless and is always with us, for tomorrow shall never come...it will always and forever be the promise and never the reality...today is NOW, and NOW is all any of us ever have.

Tomorrow, I will go in for surgery and it sometimes scares me...being "knocked out", hoping to wake up...I am scared...I am afraid my body will let me down...I feel small, a little boy crying for his momma...Tomorrow does that to us...it scares us sometimes and makes us feel small...but that's tomorrow and tomorrow will never come...today I feel grand...I feel whole and strong and perhaps a little excited about the adventure that awaits me. Today I am surrounded by love and people who care about me...I hear from my friends and family and what I hear amazes and pleases and takes my breath away...How much caring and love and goodwill exists for me is truly breathtaking...I don't always let myself know that...I don't always let myself be nurtured by that...I don't always let myself bask in that radiant glow...do you?

Too often, we get caught up in what is not working, or what needs to happen, or what isn't happening to our liking and in the process we forget what truly matters...Our love and their love; our peace and harmony and their goodwill and healing thoughts...I have had more expressions of love, good thoughts, energy and healing than I thought could exist...and each precious gift is hungrily accepted...I want you to find that in your life...It is there, I know it is.... I know it, because I feel it for you...I know others do as well...try to remember that and that 'today is a grand day', full of promise and full of love. It is a day like no other, rich with goodwill, grace, and peaceful harmony...You don't need to be facing surgery to discover it and once discovered you do not need to ever let it go...I have relearned that lesson today and I shall hold it close to my heart, as I go gently into the night...Today is grand...full of love...full of promise...full of joy and tomorrow I will remember that and be glad that it is today and everyday will bring me peace and healing and another opportunity to feel the love I have and receive from all who share this journey with me...Be well and until next time...I remain loving and respectfully yours, Larry






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Discovering Your Personal Power--Part Two

Hi...thanx for waiting...I talked about personal power in the last blog and I want to continue with that because it is at the foundation of our ability to be happy and satisfied in this life. One of the largest struggles any of us has is with addiction...You don't have addictions? Well, let's take a look and see. We can become addicted to almost anything. We are all familiar with drug and alcohol addictions, and most of us would grant food and sex can be addictive for some; but what about T.V. or games, or sports, or 'danger'? We get addicted to all kinds of activities and substances, chocolate, ice cream, etc. So what?

So what, is so we are no longer the author of our own life. We will rationalize and defend our addictions and swear we 'like' doing them, but the truth is we are their slaves. We will sabotage those we love, spend money and health on them and cut off our nose to spite our face to keep them going. Do you have an addiction? It might be worth exploring because the addictive aspect is being lost in your auto/protector and 'using' the addiction to avoid some important aspect of your life.

If you can see it (and believe me that is a big if) you can release from it and take back your personal power. In some cases you will need a 'program' or coach or guide to help you. Often you will need the support of your family and certainly you will need your willingness to face the addictive quality of the behavior.

Live free of your addictions and be watchful you don't replace one with another. Stay connected to people who ARE NOT associated with your addiction. Seek surrender, and personal honesty...tell the truth...and in this case at least, IT WILL SET YOU FREE! You are a child of the universe, you belong here, it is a benevolent place for you to be...find where those things are true for you and love the ones you're with...until next time I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Releasing from addiction can seem like a nightmare, but it is a dream come true...hold on to that piece of wisdom and take actions to achieve freedom...you will be forever rewarded.

An Action YOU can Take...as part of your self assessment ask others if they see you as addicted to anything...tell them you would really like their opinion and the harder it is to listen will guide you to the truth.
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Discovering Your Personal Power

Most of the problems we have are an issue of our own personal power. If you were omnipotent (all powerful) whatever was bothering you would be 'no problem' at all. You would change it, fix it, make it disappear, turn it to your advantage...but you're not omnipotent and your issues persist.

The serenity prayer attempts to deal with this dilemma by giving you some 'very' sage advice: "Change what you can, accept what you can't and know the difference between the two..." (Sorry for the editing), but we often fail to heed this advice often on all three counts...we don't see all we can really do, or act on it; we don't have a clue what is intractable and unchangeable, and get down right 'pissed' that it ain't goin' our way; and we generally make no distinction at all between the two and fight every battle winnable or not.

What I think we need are some further guidelines. If you are going to be happy, if you are going to feel good, if you are going to have success and if you are going to experience great self esteem; you are going to have to experience your personal power. So, what are you more powerful and successful at doing: getting someone to do what you want or helping them get what they want; getting someone to listen to you or listening to them; wanting what you don't have or embracing what you do have; demanding that things change or accepting that things are what they are and will inevitably change in the fullness of time?

When you feel frustrated over any situation, or you are distressed about any circumstance; stop, take a moment to review the above and see how you can apply the winning strategies. Find out what others REALLY want, listen, embrace the good in them and accept that the change you are seeking will only occur when this person can be okay with you either way. This last part is the hardest, but who said you can't do hard things?

next time we will look at applying these things to yourself...breaking the cycle of addictions we all have to our failures and tearing down our self esteem by failing to live "up to" every one's expectations...especially our own...until then, love the ones you're with and find and be sure that includes YOU...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Your pain is a reflection of your perceived ineffectiveness...It is a lie. YOU are perfectly effective and perfectly capable of being the whole, loving and cherished being we all appreciate.

An Action you can Take...Whatever 'bugs' you, stop, breathe, and release. Feel your feelings and own them as your reaction, not as 'caused by the person, event, or circumstance'; but as the natural reaction of 'you' the auto/protector, trying to save your life. Own this and you will be one step closer to taking 'real' control over your life.







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Is today Paradise?

What will today bring? Will you be happy, sad, irritated, frustrated, frazzled, excited or thrilled? Perhaps, all of the above. If you have a lot of different thoughts, experiences, feelings and attitudes...good for you. Sometimes, though, people get stuck in the same old rut, doing the same old things, feeling the same old feelings and they forget that today is Paradise.

We look out at the world and see all the vastness and all the people and sometimes we feel alone...but we are not alone. We are in this together; all four billion of us. We delude ourselves into thinking we are not one tribe. We look at petty differences, language, race, culture and location (petty?) and think that makes us different...it doesn't. Everyone here is here with you this minute, this moment...what you do, every action you take makes a difference.

If you take a moment and realize you are part of this amazing crazy quilt world and every small act of kindness is multiplied endlessly, you will be amazed at the sense of belonging you can muster. You may wonder if that is so, then is the corollary also true; if we do some injury is that multiplied endlessly? Well, let's take a look.

If you do an unexpected kindness what are the feelings engendered? Goodwill, gratitude, generosity, openness, pleasure and more begin to drive the energy of both you and those around you. What are the feelings generated by some bit of nastiness? Withdrawal, anger, distress, upset, sadness and, of course, revenge drive us and those around us. Which do you think has the most influence on us? If you think it is revenge, think again.

We all seek pleasure and well being. We respond to goodwill, kindness and love far more powerfully than the negative emotions of our fight/flight/freeze personality. Ice cream will always win over Castor oil and your little acts of kindness will always succeed over the meanness that thrives in our world only out of our fear to be generous.

Today is Paradise on earth for you and everyone you come in contact with if you chose to allow it. Go out today and discover for yourself what a beautiful world this really is...allow it to be your canvas; make the choice to love the ones you're with and surrender to the light of your Authentic Self...until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: You always have a choice, COPE or feel your authentic feelings. If you choose the former you will bring pain to yourself if the latter you will experience your life and joy will never be far away.

An Action YOU can Take...After reading this take a moment to allow it to settle in, and then go forth with the intention to find some small act of kindness that you can do with the next half dozen people you meet...maybe an unexpected smile and nod, or a heartfelt how are you, or just a kind word or gesture, but do it for every single person you see and then reflect...are you a little closer to Paradise?






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Do You Have Faith?

Uh, oh...is this going to be a religious tract? I think not. Faith is not dogma, nor is it the exclusive property of one religion. Faith is a very real process available to anyone, atheist, agnostic, Christian, Muslim, Jew, or YOU. What you chose to have faith 'in' is up to you...that you engage the activity of faith can be curative.

When you lose faith what remains; and empty shell, a vacant stare, a hopelessness? No, when you lose faith what remains is 'you'...the little you struggling for survival. When you lose faith in your dreams, in your happiness, in the goodness of your children, spouse, parents, co-workers, friends and especially in yourself, what remains, is your hard scrabble life of bickering, misunderstanding, anger, hurt, victim hood and grief.

Faith is the mental process, available to your Authentic Self, that allows YOU to see past the transient upsets, dislikes, and fear based reactions of yourself and others. Faith will allow you to lose weight, or break an addiction, or heal a relationship, or overcome emotional distress or surrender your desperation. Faith will allow you to 'heal' your dis-ease.

If you ask 'faith in what' you have missed the point. Faith is the authentic experience of wholeness, peace, acceptance and possibilities in the here and NOW. Surrender is the path to faith and the path to release from the grind of daily worries, failures, and unhappiness that dot the lives of too many of us.

When you can say, "I do not know how this will work out; I do not know how I will accomplish this; I do not know how to correct this; I do not know how to be at peace with this...and I have faith that my 'knowing how' is not important...", YOU have taken the first step in your journey of achieving true success and happiness. When you cease to manage and manipulate your life and those around you, you give space for your Authentic spirit to emerge and new experiences to present themselves.

If you remain stuck in survival, no matter what the issue is, you will never truly be happy. If you have faith, that 'this too shall pass' and that 'your life is perfect right now', you begin to open the door to real freedom of experience. When you see the patterns of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in your life as a reflection of your own fear; and you can allow for your faith in the possibilities of things being both exactly as they are, AND truly different, you are on the path to a new adventure.

Faith defies your survival logic. Faith defies your urges and NEEDS. Faith defies your certainty and self righteousness. Faith is the experience of loving the ones you're with and surrendering to the light of your essential goodness...right NOW...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: 'you' is in pain and needs to fight or run...cherish that and remember it is not YOU that is trapped in the struggle. YOU are okay, YOU are able and capable and whole and have survived...when 'you' is ready, YOU will emerge...your love will make it so.

An Action you can Take...Stop, relax, listen to the sounds around you...breathe, open yourself up to your emotions...notice, allow, embrace your fear, pain and loss by knowing it is in the past and your present is NOW and 'you' is safe. Let the fear and pain be and focus on your breath...the subtle sounds...the smells, and sensations of your body...notice that YOU are not any of these things...YOU are the essence that is experiencing them all.




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Blindness is not simply a matter of Eyesight

With what do you struggle? Are you unhappy with your self; weight, job, habits, addiction, emotions...what? Are your relationships less than fulfilling, or are your kids not doing what they should? Do you struggle with money, or sex? What is keeping you from really living the life you always hoped and dreamed was possible--could it be blindness?

Yes, not only could it be, it probably is! Humans (that means you and me) have a special part of their brain that allows them to act in the face of pain, fear and loss. This level of consciousness creates enormous blind spots for people trying to navigate today's modern world. If you are struggling with any chronically unresolved issue...you too, have a gaping blind spot that is keeping you struck in this unresolved, repetitious, life script.

If you are finally tired of beating your head against the wall you might consider getting some assistance in 'seeing' where your blind spots are and releasing back into your Authentic Self.

If your consciousness is spinning the same old stories you need an assist from a consciousness that is not bogged down in the same script. That means getting a life coach who is capable of stepping far enough back to 'see' what it is that your auto/protector doesn't want you or anyone else to see...BUT, (and here comes the hard part) you have to be willing to empower your coach to look in those corners and you have to be willing to relinquish your fight/flight/freeze control enough for your coach to do his/her job.

That's where, "are you tired enough" comes in...Are you tired enough of your 'racket' to take the definitive step to let it go? You are not the victim, you are not helpless, you are not hopeless, you are not at your wits end and you are not incapable of solving ANY of the issues facing you...but you are stuck in fight/flight/freeze consciousness and you will need to let the light of another human 'Authentic Consciousness' shine in that darkness.

Find a Life Coach today and begin to unravel the string that is so tightly wound around the struggle you call 'your life'. Love the ones you're with and let the good times role...Until next time...I remain, respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Struggle and stress are sometimes useful, but they are never chronically useful.

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a familiar upset/irritation...stop, breathe and then say, " Help, I need a new story to deal with this situation." Say it to yourself if it's about your self image, or your spouse, child, boss, friend, or whomever...say it and mean it and ask for their input (or guidance from your inner guide)...see if you get a new perspective...you might be surprised.




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Why should you Seek Life Coaching?

Why indeed? Not a simple answer. 'YOU' needs nothing; 'you' needs the support of another untriggered consciousness in order to 'come down' from the survival drives and urges running and ruining your life. 'YOU' is not always in control of your life; 'you' takes over in times of stress, loss, fear and pain and that shift of your conscious mind can become chronic in today's world.

When you try to deal with life problems you are naturally driven to fight/flight/freeze options and that just isn't good enough to solve the issues with which most of us cope. Having someone that you can trust and rely on to allow you to surrender control and open the space for YOU to re-emerge is an absolute necessity for dealing with any of the chronic problems we face today.

It can be mind bending to appreciate that 'YOU' is not 'you'. The 'I' you use when referring to yourself is sometimes 'i'. This is not simply rhetoric, it is a fact of your self conscious awareness. When you say, "I am sick and tired of your blah, blah, blah..." you are not refering to the same self conscious being that says, "I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to hurt you and blame you, or judge you that way. I was just upset and scared at the time and I let myself speak my frustration." Speaking your frustration is another way of saying the 'little you' was in charge of your actions. YOU are not your fight/flight/freeze coping reactions; they are the exclusive province of your auto/protector self. (The little you or 'i').

When you are stuck in the same feelings, life situations, emotions, or distress 'you' NEEDS a life coach. It may be your therapist, or pastor/priest, or someone you know as wise and trustworthy, but whomever you choose you need to access their Authentic Self and see through their eyes 'you' and 'YOU' so that you might be reminded of who 'YOU' really is. (I know very strange grammer). In order for YOU to re-emerge the little you must lessen its grip and the only way to do that is to find a safe enough environment for YOU to see the bigger picture.

Find a life coach today and begin your journey to a happier, more rewarding life. Learn to see for yourself the power your auto/protector has in keeping you from having the things you truly seek. If you struggle with body image, emotions, jobs, kids, relationships, career or "mental health" issues, chances are you are struggling with issues of fight/flight/freeze...go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and read more about this. Until next time, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: 'YOU' is love, compassion, curiosity, imagination, kindness, generosity and productivity. If these are not the things of your life everyday and in every way 'you' is taking up too much of your time.

An Action YOU can Take...Take a moment to assess your life...write down the complaints you have and notice how distressed you are when dealing with these issues. Step back and breathe...then see if you are ready to give up your distress. If 'yes' then do so; if 'no' then contact someone who can help 'you' discover the road to freedom and peace of mind.

Being Happy

What do you need right NOW to be happy? You may have a list or you may have just one thing, "...that if you had it you could be happy!" So, go ahead make that list and then evaluate your life and add anything you think might need to be added for your life to be happy. Be sure to look at every aspect of your life, relationships, family, kids, finances, sex, money, body image, self esteem, personality, emotional well being, spirituality, time off, friends, mental health, habits, addictions, phobias, jobs, skills, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....

What is holding you back from being the happiest person alive? Find out, and then we'll correct it and you will get to be happy...isn't that great? Oops, don't believe me do you. You're unhappy about, "whatever you're unhappy about", and no amount of blogging is going to do anything at all about that. Right? Only if you say so! and if you're unhappy you do, "say SO!"

What makes you happy? Lots of things, I know...but what really, really, really would make you absolutely happy? Not sure? Nothing? Great, you win the Kewpie doll...NOTHING will make you happy and nothing ever has...You chose to be happy whenever you chose to...nothing else matters. You get to be happy when you say, "gosh, I feel happy..." and nothing has to change except your willingness to declare your own happiness. So, let's get started on you. Let's find out what's keeping you from choosing to declare your own happiness. What is stopping you from being happy right NOW...nothing but your belief in and your unwillingness to complete your grieving of the fear and pain of your past or the expectations of it in your future...Be happy...choose happy...choose well being and when your fear based mind starts explaining, "WHY" that is not wise for you...make a few notes and begin to appreciate that nothing but your unwillingness to grieve and let go stands between you and being happy. It's not easy being happy; you have to let go of your determination to fix things change things, or overcome things...you have to grieve the loss...and your survival mind won't let you do that...(it always says, "what would happen if I just let you be happy with THIS or THAT issue in our lives...it would be just like giving up and 'i' won't let you do that.")

If you find that you are stuck...get help...get unstuck by working with a life coach of your choosing and discover the traps your auto/protector has set for you to remain unhappy and unsatisfied. Life is full of trials and tribulations, but that is still no reason to be unhappy...if you are chronically unhappy you are trapped by your survival consciousness and it is unnecessary and surely unwelcome...find the light and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Being sad doesn't mean you aren't a happy person and being upset doesn't mean you aren't okay. These things are temporal reactions to external circumstances and so long as you allow them to pass on you will remain full of joy and well being.

An Action YOU can Take...discover the source of your chronic unhappiness and dissatisfaction by doing the suggested exercises...then take some time to allow these struggles to release...and breathe...breathe until you can face the situations with a sense of humor and peace of mind that allows for the circumstance to exist or pass without your needing it to be different...that you want it to be different is fine, that you need it to be is the source of your misery.




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How the Core Paradigm can Help You

You know, when we speak, we are confident about a few things, at least. We are confident that when we say 'I' we mean to refer to ourselves. When we say we like something, we do; and when we say we hate something, we really do. When we say, "That's just the way 'I' am...we mean it...or do we?

The Core Paradigm is a discovery about the nature of the single most important aspect of being human; it is a discovery about the nature of our self conscious awareness. All mammals are aware and some may have some form of self awareness; but humans depend entirely on their ability to REFER things (everything) to themselves. We could not evaluate if we didn't know what was good for us or bad for us. It isn't that something is good for itself, it is good because we say it is and the same for bad.

When we developed the capacity of self reference it was first and foremost a survival imperative. "I kill you", I eat you" I sacrifice you to the Gods, so the tribe will have good fortune". We developed a powerful survival self consciousness which would guide all our fight/flight reactions...and then something odd happened; we developed a level of self conscious awareness that was driven by a new part of our ever expanding brain (the neo-cortex) which allowed us to understand ourselves in the context of all the universe. The 'Authentic Self' emerged as Homo Sapien, Sapien began walking the earth; and it brought with it the power to live with dreams, possibilities and promise for a brilliant tomorrow.

This dichotomy of two self conscious awarenesses has set us up for amazing capabilities and incredible pain. The 'I' of your auto/protector is NOT the 'I' of your Authentic Self...that is the simple explanation of the Core Paradigm. One person, two self consciousnesses, operating in a single body, using your language skills and running all of our behavior. We must use a form of self conscious awareness to guide all of our actions, but not the same self conscious awareness in every case.

When you are triggered by events you are no longer the same self conscious being you were a split second before being triggered. You use your conscious tools to defend yourself and rationalize your behavior. You say you hate, or despise, or can't stand something, but all that means is it is a threat to you and you need to get away from it or destroy it. When you come down from the adrenalin high of auto/protector behavior, you will say things like 'I' didn't mean that, of course I'll try it, I was just being foolish and many other statements that are now equally true.

When you are acting out of your survival mentality your wants, needs, and desires are nothing like what you really want, need or desire when you can access and use your Authentic personality. Discover this for yourself...it will make a difference to you as you begin to become aware of your auto/protector self and how uniquely different it is from who you really are. Authentic awareness is the key to overcoming most of the chronic life living problems you face. (go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and read more about the Core Paradigm; buy the book, Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness.) You can have it all, happiness, well being, peace of mind, goodwill and harmonious relationships if you will become the author of your life...not the pre-scripted book of the auto/protector.

Learn to face your distressing situations with your Authentic Self still awake and available...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Anger and fear are the emotions of the auto/protector...they are not you...you are the one feeling those emotions and being present to life in all its struggle and all its glory.

An Action you can Take...When faced with upset of any kind ask yourself, What am I afraid of here?" and don't stop until you discover what is driving you to be in your defensive fight/flight mode of operation. Then feel the fear, pain, or loss and rediscover your compassion, appreciation and aliveness as you address these situations with love.

A Reader Wrote...Follow-up

My Reader gave me a few more details and wrote;


It seems like the last two weeks have flown by and I am still almost spinning...(My friend) After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry. However, I always say "there is a reason why people and or me, do the things we do", and who knows his ex's side of it? I try very hard not to judge...The important thing is that I think about (he) and I separately from that, and see how he treats me.
As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are the kids to accepting and all the things that could happen. Again I am working on keeping my focus on "US" and step back sort of, and see what happens. The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good (Bold mine) through our relationship...



Several things come to mind as I read this note...the author says,

"...After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry...."


Anger IS normal and if it will spur a person to defeat the "bear" or win the battle it is effective...but most of our anger lingers and has no place in our present life...being generally angry, or being angry after the 'divorce' is staying stuck in our fight/flight consciousness, and while that is VERY common it is not productive or effective for any person or for those around them.


Our task, should we decide to accept it, is to learn how to release from our auto/protector self and fight/flight anger, which will free us to move on and have the kind of relationships we desire. My reader seems to be handling her friends anger well and giving him the space he needs; but this is no easy task...The hard part is remembering his anger isn't personal even if he finds some current situation to blame...and he will! Getting angry at someone who is angry with us becomes a never ending self fulfilling prophecy. It is our task to break that cycle and allow the others anger without taking it personally...YOU really are okay, even when and if you make a mistake. Almost all anger at each other is misplaced anger.

The reader went on to say,

"...As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are ....all the things that could happen.... The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good through our relationship...."

This is one of the most common mistakes we make. I wrote back to her, "Something good has already occurred and is occurring each moment you choose to be present and real with each other...try not to get trapped in the issue of, 'where this is going and waiting for it to be good later' it isn't going anywhere...it just IS and it's good NOW. The main thing and ONLY thing is you like each other as people'...let that be enough and take it one day, one moment at a time...be present in the moment face each challenge with goodwill and good humor, and all will take care of itself .

People of any age face the challenge of 'allowing love to flourish'...People of middle age are often far better prepared for that than most...so don't any of us sell ourselves short...relax...let events unfold however they will and choose to be at peace with whatever twists and turns present themselves.

Talk of possible mate or anything else seems far too premature and unnecessary...in the fullness of time you may choose many paths for this relationship none need be better than any other...allow yourself to be whole in each exchange with your relationships and let your inner guide direct the flow...allow the wonder of being with each other...Relax, and enjoy the ride..."I remain, until next time...Respectfully Yours, Larry



A Thought for the Day: Getting caught up in "what's next" keeps us from fully experiencing "What is"...Which keeps us from being happy and living well Now.

An Action YOU Can Take...Live in the moment, give praise, respect and appreciation, and allow your relationships to be exactly as they are...breathe deeply and release your expectations, so that YOU might see what IS. Take an even bigger breath and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...it will set you free.











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A Reader Wrote...

A reader wrote to me after looking in on the first finding Mr. Right,

Dear Larry,
"I was able to get into the web-site and it is very informative. I also put it into my favorites. I will finish reading it and re-read it now that I can. I have a very bad attitude and hopefully one day it will be better. Since my boyfriend died, 8 yrs ago I have done soooo much to try to improve my life. But, the bottom line, is that I haven't been successful in finding someone to share my life with.

I know a lot is in an attitude so when I do meet someone (a man) I try hard to be nice and ask them questions to learn about them, whatever? I try hard, maybe too hard? I do not think so, just keeping it light and sometimes just joking around. Almost playful. BUT, WHATEVER IT IS, THE one or ones I like just move on. I am soooo tired of them moving on .... I am not going to ask you what is it? I am sure it could be many things. . . I used to give until it hurts. I know too much now and can not do that but I do give as much as I can in any relationship. My nature. I work on my co-dependant issues. I have attended a 12 step meeting for years now.

I feel like if there is a God, why am I still here in this house, without friends (have one or two) lonely, until I can not cry anymore, and my prayers are for nothing? I know that isn't right to expect something for my prayers but how do I not feel like I am just alone and almost being punished?

Sorry to go on and on but it is very difficult for me to be just "BE" sometimes (bold added) without my loneliness overwhelming me....your reader

I wrote to her and told her to keep reading...that there was a lot in her letter. Most of what was there was her pain and angst brought on by the constant reminder of her loneliness. She was struggling to recognize her triggered consciousness and "trying to figure it out" (coping) was starting to overwhelm her...coping is like that and recognizing when you're coping is HARD. A few weeks later I received this letter from her;

Hi Larry, Sorry to take so long in answering you. Much has happened since I wrote to you. About a year and a half ago, I met a man at a single's dance. He was in the process of getting a divorce, and appeared to be very angry. It scared me and after giving me his phone # I never called him. Well, I have seen him lately at a few more of the dances and last Friday he asked me to dance again. We talked until 3:00 am. He was as lonely as I and really wanted to talk to someone. It turns out he only lives about 10 min from me.
Well, I have no idea where it is going, but he seems to be wanting to be with me a lot and I feel the same.

Yes, my attitude has changed. It is amazing, not actually, how nice it is to share my thoughts and feelings with a man and not have him reject me. Yes, it could happen and at my age. I have been through a lot of disappointments in myself and others but will damn try my best to just let it be and see what happens? (bold added)

I am attracted to him but he probably would not have been my preference and I am thinking maybe that is a good thing.

Larry, I can go on and on and tell you so many things and whatever you would like to add to your writings, so far what I have written, would not be a problem for me to say "O.K." ... but even though I may (not) have sounded like it, I did always have some hope. I am scared as hell, but will do my best.......
thanks, your reader.

Yes, at her age and at your age whatever that may be life can shift and you can have what until now has bedeviled you. Coping is the problem...fight/flight, auto/protector consciousness does shut us down from having what we want...look at the difference in the tenor of her two letters and notice how much Authentic beingness is in the second...learn to trust that the only chronic problems you have are being stuck in your fight/flight perspective and when you release LIFE AND LIVING BEGIN...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Coping is everything you do when upset, stressed, struggling or 'dealing' with the issues in your life. Life begins when you allow love and compassion to rule your actions and you tell the truth about your pain without needing it to change...it inevitably will....

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a 'problem' tell whoever it is you are struggling with that you are triggered and that you either want to fight it or withdraw...apologize to them for making it worse and ask them what they would like to do to help make it 'better', 'work', etc. Take a few deep breaths and listen, acknowledging when and if their suggestions continue to trigger you...then see if you can find your vulnerable feelings and share those....




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Celebrate your Life--Breaking the Cycle of Distress

Lots of things get us down...upsetting relationships, job stress, personal image, parents, parenting, self esteem issues, insecurities, envy, jealousy, loneliness and more. Sometimes these issues become chronic and we become anxious, depressed, or angry and hopeless. We may become moody and increasingly unsatisfied with ourselves and the life we lead.

We may seek to fill our increasing dissatisfaction by associating with others who will agree with us, or do our bidding, or take our abuse or give us abuse, but none of that will ever work. In this case "work" means, bring us happiness and well being. We may isolate, or descend into our own pity party, or talk endlessly about, "what's wrong". We may manipulate others to feel sorry for us, or make others feel worse than we do; but again NONE OF THAT WILL WORK.

If you are unhappy, or dissatisfied, or bored, or miserable, or scared, or upset with yourself and/or your life, too much of the time; it's well past time to get over it! And the grand news is, YOU CAN!

Your misery, no matter what form that comes in, is only possible because you are a self conscious being...it is only possible because you have a self conscious, fight/flight persona we call the auto/protector self. If you exit your fear driven conscious mind you exit your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life.

"Fine, Larry, how do I do that?"

Glad you asked. A long time ago psychiatrists discovered that if you gave a depressed patient a big enough jolt of electricity they often stopped being depressed. They didn't know why it worked, but they knew it did...Why do you suppose it worked? The simple answer is that the patient forgot what it was they were thinking about that they felt the need to depress...in other words they shocked them right out of their fight/flight mentality.

You don't have to stick your finger in a light socket in order to improve the quality of your life. You don't have to take pills or go through endless psycho-analysis. What you do need to do is reawaken your Authentic Self consciousness and the easiest way I know to do that is to celebrate what ever it is that has got you going. Start your day with a self assessment and no matter what you find celebrate it.

"I am fat and ugly! I hate that! No one likes me because I am so fat and ugly! My kids do drugs, my mom died and my boss just told me I'm going to be fired tomorrow...what the hell is there to celebrate?"

Just that! Celebrate it..."I am fat...look at these rolls of blubber and while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, in my eyes I'm uglier than sin. Whoopee...I hate everything about myself and so does everyone else...okay, I'm great at hating, lucky me...I'm the best hater in the world...I am scared and sad; scared for my child and sad that my mother died let me celebrate my fear and sadness...let me feel it fully and not flinch...let me love it for allowing me to be alive...and the terror I feel at soon being out of a job?...well hallelujah...I am exactly where I am, feeling exactly what I am feeling and I embrace these feelings knowing with absolute certainty that these too shall pass."

I know completely unrealistic...except for the people I have coached that have done just that. Find your own life coach, and ask them to help you celebrate your life just as it is. You can celebrate your life, feelings, and experiences, no matter what they are. A celebration of life is not always happy but it is always generated from your Authentic Self. From the frontal lobes of your creative imaginative consciousness. It is something you are capable of 'doing'. You can embrace and celebrate the fullness of your feelings, and experiences; and if you do, just like shock therapy, you will release from the rigid grip of your fear based conscious mind.

Be in love with YOU. Let yourself have exactly what you have without complaint and with the fullness that will inevitably allow it to past into antiquity. Embrace your experiences and share them with gusto and pride of ownership...love the ones you're with, especially yourself...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: To celebrate sadness is to be profoundly sad, to celebrate fear is to be free to feel stark terror, to celebrate anything is to be fully engulfed in the experience so that it might be free to move on...and move on it will when you have experienced it fully.

An Action you can Take...the next time you feel stuck in some emotion or some situation that just keeps persisting...stop right in the middle of how you typically handle it and ask yourself what you are feeling (if it is anger dig deeper) then own those feelings as your reaction to the situation and stop whatever you were going to do and fully experience the feelings. Say, "I accept that this is what it is and I have exactly these feelings about it...It is okay for things to be as they are (even if I can't stand that) and for me to feel as I do...I want them to change and that is okay as well and if I can do anything to effect that change I will, so long as it will lead to greater peace and harmony for all." Do this a few times until you begin to experience a shift in how you experience your own life.

Go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and buy the book; or peruse http://www.perspectiveson.com/ for more information on life coaching.

Getting Your Relationship Back on Track--Part Two, Taking Turns.

What if you both really want your relationship to work, but still you find yourself struggling with resentments, upsets and feelings of not getting your needs met? If this is the case consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. So many people in relationships are locked into their despair and disgust that they no longer can find that part of themselves that holds the other person as precious.

If you have read the previous post and have arrived at the truth that both of you want to work out the issues in your relationship and you both know and trust that to be true then let's begin. You will both be doing a lot of apologizing for being in your fight/flight/freeze consciousness; not because you are wrong for being triggered; but because using fight/flight to solve relationship issues is hopelessly ineffective. Be prepared, and in fact, start this session with, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry for making you the source of my distress; and I'm sorry for withdrawing my love appreciation and generosity." When you both can say this with heartfelt meaning then we can get on with the specifics of your drama.

What is it that bugs you about the relationship and about the way the other is 'being' in your relationship? You will need to take turns in this process with the point of it being to allow you to own them and release the other from being wrong. Be careful here! Notice how quickly it will trigger you and them as you begin to revisit the topics that are painful for you. Start each sentence with a past tense,(talk about the past in the past) "I have been making you wrong for; staying out late, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, nagging me, not being interested, financially, sexually, etc., etc., etc." Your partner can respond, "Yes, I know I have felt that. What does it mean to you when I am doing that or am like that?" Then you can express how those things are triggers in your life.

What is a trigger? It is a previous painful, or fearful experience of loss that your auto/protector now uses to react to 'similar' situations in your life. Similar is in quotes because the similarities do not need to be exact, any approximation will do. You will have painted your partner with the same brush as you used to react to your mother, or father, or the Meany down the street. You also use your childhood helplessness and sense of victim hood as part of the triggering equation. You are not a child any longer, but to your auto/protector you will forever be the victim.

When you act like a victim in your relationship then the only role you allow for your partner is unfeeling bully or persecutor. This will not tend to make them sympathetic to your complaint. So, your task is to own the fact that this situation in your relationship triggers you and you are unfairly making your partner your persecutor. Apologize...then let them know that from time to time you may continue to 'react' to this situation and ask for their patience and understanding.

When you have done one or two of your triggers then let your partner have a turn and reverse the roles. If you can do this without further facilitation you will notice a marked improvement in intimacy and respect. If you are still trapped by the feelings of being a victim and upset about the circumstances then you will need the support of a skilled Life Coach. Do not take that to mean you have failed...just about everyone 'needs' support when dealing with their triggers. It's a perfectly normal and natural process. Our auto/protector consciousness is powerful and determined to remain in control of these situations and having a third party who is uninvolved in the drama is often the only way to clear the upset.

Try it out...enjoy the process...and always remember...love the ones you're with, its on the road to salvation...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Being terrified by life events is part of life, finding people to embrace in the face of your fear is a gift, being a person that others can share their burdens with is a life purpose for us all.

An Action YOU can Take...When faced with distress in your relationship know that your partner is feeling it as well. Ask them if they would like to share or listen first and allow them to choose which role. In this way you will have "gone first" by being the first to be ready to 'allow'.

Getting your Relationship Back on Track--What are you Pretending not to Know?

What ARE you pretending not to know? Your auto/protector consciousness, in its infinite wisdom to keep you safe, often uses reasonable deniability, rationalization and fained naivete to keep you from knowing what you know. If the knowledge would be painful then "not knowing" would protect you and the 'small price' of anxiety, depression, and lack of intimacy is worth the effort...or is it?

If you want a good relationship you will need to break the cycle of pretending not to know. You will have to put down the protection of your auto/protector self and allow yourself to re-emerge into a more authentic self aware state. What is going on in your relationship? Ask yourself that and then take a few deep breaths and begin your narrative. (Your little voice may give you a litany of, "how can I know, I trust my spouse, I don't know what he/she is feeling, everything is fine, etc., etc., etc.) The big fear here is that your spouse (lover, significant other) is the way they are because of you! Not so! Your relationship has lost intimacy because one or both of you has quit saying what is true in the moment. You or they have judgements, opinions or feelings that you are afraid to let the other person know about. (Your, or their, little voice is saying, "Well, I don't want to hurt them" but the truth is you don't want to be hurt by their reaction.)

Acknowledge your fear and then proceed on; what is happening in your relationship. Remember when you were a teenager and you saw a couple, you usually knew who was more 'into' the other--didn't you? Well, now you need to look; are you just putting in your time, or are you the one doing all the heavy lifting of the relationship? Is your spouse really wanting to make things better or is he/she oblivious to anything being wrong? Are you dissatisfied with 'things', but feel it doesn't do any good to talk about it, or does your spouse blow you off if you try to bring something up? Do you have a partner who is really willing to resolve the lack of intimacy...are you really willing to do what it takes to rediscover intimacy with your partner?

You can answer all of these questions without any input from your partner. You can also 'know' if you have a partner who is willing to do what it takes to return to real intimacy. (Remembering that if they don't, it is just THEIR fear driving it, NOT YOU!) If you or your partner are simply hanging around waiting for something better to happen you can know that too. The first step in getting your relationship back on track is discovering what track you're really on. Do you have a partner, or do you simply have someone who hasn't left yet? Man up (even if you're a woman) and face the truth and then begin...begin to tell the truth....

If you suspect you don't have a partner any longer then tell them that. Use the example of being a teenager and knowing that most relationships have one or the other who is more into the relationship. Tell them honestly what you would like...then tell them that you know at some level they know that and probably feel guilty because they are not giving it. Then ask them if they would like to rekindle real intimacy and face the real issues that are keeping you two apart. Let them know you expect to hear things you won't like, but that is part of the deal....

Then listen and hear what is beyond their words. If they want to work with you, you will know and if they don't (even if they say they do) you will know that too. Give them some time and yourself some time to let the new reality sink in...what is that new reality?? That you are no longer pretending to 'not know' what you know. Let yourself and them know by your actions that you are ready for real dialogue and unwilling to pretend.

Open the door for yourself and for them to walk through to a new more profound truth and intimacy. Discover in yourself what it is that they are struggling to tell you; or hiding from you...you already know what it is.... Speak from your heart, and stay centered past your anger, fear, and loss...love them for exactly who they are, even when that means they are no longer into you, love yourself and let them go...if they return to the relationship you will know truly how to love the ones you're with...next time we will deal with getting on when BOTH of you want to work on your relationship...until then, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Joy can not exist without pain...intimacy cannot exist without separation...but wholeness of being is always and forever.... You are more than your fear and pain...YOU are love and harmony.

An Action you can Take...As you share your fear and pain with your partner allow yourself and them to know that it is your pain and they do not need to fix it. Own it and own that your shattered expectations are still yours and you will be responsible for your own well being.

Keep On Keepin' On

For most of us that's just what we do; keep on keepin' on. How long should we struggle with the issues that drag at us? If you are
putting up with things; personal image, relationships, career, negative emotions, you may want to ask yourself, " how long has this been going on and how much longer will it continue?" You don't have to live your life settling for half a loaf, you can have the whole shebang.

Life can be vibrant, vivid and intense. You can wake each day looking forward to the adventures and opportunities that await you; or you can keep on keepin' on...your choice. You can settle or you can release your struggles and live with imagination and creativity.

Your journey starts when you recognize the signs of chronic issues. What are you putting up with, what are you struggling with? If you are making little headway take a moment and consider if you want to drag through another day, week, month, or if you're ready to try something new; applying the principles of the Core Paradigm have helped many and it may help you.

Look through the posts here, or drop me a line to larsline@mail.com about the situations you are resigned to and let's see if there are some alternatives to being trapped by them. You've struggled long enough with unhappiness, frustration, unmet needs and desires. I'll either answer you directly or use the letter (identity obscured) to illustrate common traps driven by the auto/protector self in living in today's very fractious world. Remember your fight/flight/freeze reactions are driven to support you; but are stopping you from having the life you would really like. All of the reasons used by your auto/protector won't add up to a single change in your struggle.

I know that you may feel that all the alternatives have been explored and that writing to me is pointless; but what do you have to lose? If your negative relationships, or career, or self image, or anxiety, depression or other has continued, you are faced with more of the same in the coming days. Take a break and let me know just what it is you're facing.

How long have you been overweight, or alone, or anxious or depressed? How long have you been struggling with the spouse, kids, or parents, siblings or boss? How long have you been 'sorta' happy but really not, or putting up with the lack of intimacy in your life; and how much longer will it last? What are you keepin' on keepin' on about, and when will you be ready to open a dialogue? Write to me and let's take a look at how the Core Paradigm can help you see a new way of being with the chronic life struggles you have put up with long enough...open the door to possibilities and love the ones you're with...until then...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: You see whatever you hold as important...if love, kindness, generosity, fairness, and goodwill are important enough to you...you will begin to see examples of these things throughout your day and through out your life....

An Action You can Take...make it so!

The Search for Security and Safety--the Myth

What are we? Human beings...neither strong, nor swift; dull of senses and thin skinned the least of all the animals fit to survive, but survive we did. It's what we do! We seek safety and security or at least our survival consciousness does. It's a life long quest and it begins the moment we're born. We cry out for comfort, nourishment, warmth and the security of our parent's embrace; and when we feel its loss we cry out again. The human child NEEDS more care and support than any other infant mammal on this planet and the relationships we form between our species are critical to our survival. Our tribe was our safety and our security.

Fast forward fifty thousand years or so...the year 2008, life on our planet is safe and secure...for some at least. We have nations and corporations, stock holders and lawyers...we have social structures, strong houses, good friends and we have gangs, war, greed, inequity, poverty, neglect and abuse. We have it all; and through it all we remain driven by our need for security and safety.

We are a fragmented species full of contention and desperate to belong. We form more and more micro alliances and then pit one against the other; and still the need drives us...security and safety. When will it be safe enough for us to lay down our differences and join together as one tribe? No time soon I suspect.

When will Palestine, join hands with Israel? Many will answer the day after hell freezes over. When will Christians embrace Muslims...the day after that. How 'bout the Crips and the Bloods, or the corporate suits and the union reps? Look in your own life and make your own list...who are the good guys and who are the baddies?...and when will it end?

About now, I think, we're all ready to toss in the towel. "It ain't gonna end Larry, it ain't gonna." Really? Then any hope we have of making this a better (safer more secure) world is out the window. If we really want to make a more secure and safe world, (or just be more secure and safe in ourselves) we are going to have to make it safe for all of us; because as long as it isn't safe for some, it isn't safe for any of us.

If you want security, safety and a better tomorrow, then I think its time to focus on including 'the others' (the perpetrators, bad guys, meanies and idiots) back into your life. What that means is, on a personal level, you need to examine where you feel victimized, disenfranchised, miss perceived, and shunned; and embrace those people as one of your own. You need to stop whining about what was done to you, or is being done to you and begin to appreciate what is driving their perceived injustice.

If your little voice is asking, "How can I do that?" right now you can answer it with, "You're asking the wrong question." The question is, "WHAT is it I have to do to be safer and more secure in my world," and the answer is, "I must include...."

What leaves you feeling insecure? Whatever it is allow it to be, surrender your victim hood, stand resolute in your honor, trust in the ultimate wisdom of justice and goodwill, resist only your desires to retaliate and isolate and embrace the fear that drives both you and others to hoard and separate unnecessarily.

This world will never be safe; and security is a myth...no one gets out alive...all we have is each other. It was what we were born to in the distant mists of time; and it is what we must find once again. Stand for all of us, and stand for kindness, love and goodwill between all peoples on this earth. Do not be discouraged by the enormity of this task and do not shirk your place in it's unfolding. Make your life better one gentle kindness, forgiveness, empathy and compassion at a time...love the ones you're with...and embrace them all...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours...Larry

A Thought for the Day: Pain, fear and loss drive us into our survival consciousness and give us the illusion of being incomplete. You are complete just as you are, in this moment, with all the insecurities you experience...Others wait for your embrace and to embrace you...it is just the way of things.

An Action you can Take...speak to someone you've been afraid to speak to...let them know of your fear and let them know it is not their fault. Tell them you would like to understand them better and then do so. Notice the power you possess is to 'understand'; not make others understand you. (Remember understanding is not agreement and compassion is not approval.)

Who is a Life Coach?

A reader assailed me the other day with promoting Life Coaching as the only way I offered her to provide support. She wrote the following:

"You can try to do that 'alone'; or much more effectively with a Life Coach"

"...contact a Life Coach that can help you open the door to your loneliness"

Dear Larry,
I am a friend of (a friend). I take exception to the above statements, which in my
eyes and to my mind, are quite self-serving on your part. It also does not allow for people
to find other ways, roads, and guides to help them with the alone/lonely issue.

'A new reader'

I am a Life Coach so you will forgive me, I hope, for not clarifying sooner what I mean by seeking life coaches in your life. I use the term life coaching in a generic way to mean anyone who can remain objective when faced with your shift into the survival consciousness I refer to as your auto/protector self.

I believe that most therapist, counselors, mentors, clergy, facilitators and others are life coaches in our society. I support all ways that lead to well being and discourage anything that leaves you bogged down in victim hood. It was always my hope that this blog would eventually catch on and I would be providing these insights and tools to thousands of readers who might benefit from the experience I have had in working with people over the last twenty five years. I always knew that the demand for life coaching would far outstrip any ability I might have to supply direct contact, and so, I wanted a forum that I could provide what I have learned while encouraging people to find coaches within their own circle to support them in achieving the goals they seek.

What I do know is that Life Coaching can take many forms; and while it is not therapy, it can be enormously therapeutic. What I try to impress on people is that when we shift into the auto/protector consciousness we define people in terms of "with us or against us" and we cope. The auto/protector self is seductive and frequently drives those around us into their own fight/flight persona...Having people in your life that can side step that becomes essential. If we are to escape the effects and ineffectiveness that fight/flight behavior heaps upon us we must exit our survival persona...hence the call and plea for you to seek life coaches that can remain compassionate, personal and objective in supporting you through your struggles to survive.

I coach therapist, ministers, counselors and others and in each case I find that the burden of their practice is being seduced by the powerful effects of their clients predicaments. Life Coaching may be perceived as an alternative to therapy, but if I am to believe my therapist clients, it is the way therapist seek to be most effective with their charges. People NEED people, it's just the way we are built. We thrive as social beings. The unique nature of our consciousness demands that we have feedback and support from our peers; especially when faced with our shift into the pain of our survival consciousness, but the ability to remain outside of the drama and seduction of the auto/protector selves of others is a skill we are only beginning to understand in this society.

What I am trying to do here is provide some guide posts for you to confront the chronic issues that bedevil you in your life. I want you to benefit from what I have learned and what I know can assist you to exit the common and frequent pain, fear and loss that too many of us experience in life. I have chronicled some reoccurring themes in my work in the hopes that thousands of people living in pain, frustration, anxiety, depression and self doubt will find knowledge, tools and processes to exit the struggles dogging their lives. If you want me to address something in this format please write me at larsline@mail.com if you want more information on the Core Paradigm and my life work go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and for the few that would seek me out as their personal life coach I will try to accommodate as time permits...but as always...love the ones you're with and seek your path with love and humanity...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Wherever you are, emotionally, spiritually, financially, personally or socially is simply a fact of this moment. Allow this moment and surrender to its temporal truth, that it is what it is and this too, no matter what, shall pass.

An Action You can Take...Take a look at a situation with which you are struggling and notice who in your life could provide you with support to be okay with it just the way it is. Who could you seek out that would stand with you and allow you to surrender and make peace with the situation? Then do so, being sure to let them know you appreciate their support and not their agreement to your victim hood.

The Miracle of Relationships--Part Three

Part Three--Me, Myself and I

Every relationship you have starts with the relationship you have with yourself. It seems odd to imagine a person having a relationship to themselves; seems an oxymoron, but I doubt any of you would argue that you, in fact, do have a relationship with yourself. Me, Myself and I, three selves? I can't say that for sure, but I can say with complete confidence there are two. One is your auto/protector self, (which always has a two person dialogue...you know the one who just said to you "what dialogue?") and one is your Authentic Self. When you are Authentic it is a singularity; YOU is not in relationship to yourself; 'YOU' is just 'YOU'; BUT when you are in your fight/flight/freeze survival self (the auto/protector self) you compare yourself with others, judge yourself, praise and condemn yourself excessively, and carry on dialogs in your mind about everything.

Your self esteem is a product of this auto/protector self dialogue and your efforts to relate to others are coloured by every insecurity you have about yourself or every over blown opinion. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have and your job, if you choose to accept it, is to eliminate it from the equation.

Authentically you can't have a relationship with yourself...YOU simply are. 'YOU' is the authentic 'YOU' and the big "I". If you are struggling then your choice is, to be with that struggle until it passes, OR, identify with that struggle as who you are...most of the time we choose the latter. There is very little you can do in a relationship when that relationship is based on fight/flight. When you worry about whether or not you (or they) are good enough, worthy enough, okay enough, or just plain 'enough', you are doomed to live in turmoil and drama. If 'YOU' can reemerge and see the struggle you are having then 'YOU' take the first step of releasing from it.

Mind boggling isn't it? 'YOU' and 'you'; two selves and the foundation for the relationship we have with ourselves. 'YOU' must be aware of 'you', that awareness is the opening for real release of the drama and struggle we find in any other relationship we have. "Who is 'YOU'?" is a nonsensical question, but "who are 'you' to...tell me what to do...to like me...to try that dream...to hope for the best...etc, etc, etc, is how we live most of our lives. The little 'you' of your auto/protector is the self conscious awareness of your triggered and coping fight/flight/freeze personae; and it is not a personae who will make successful loving relationships.

Your work is to 'awaken' to the drama playing out in your psyche. Your opportunity is to 'see' that every negative interaction, insecurity, every drama, misstep and dissatisfying relationship is a function of 'you' getting in the way...if 'YOU' see that clearly, it is the only thing YOU will need to transform the quality of your life. Awareness is the key, and the truth will set you free...Love the ones you're with, especially 'you' and let it be...Until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...YOU are perfect just the way YOU/you are...life is unfolding just as it should and just as it does...your power comes not from contesting what is, but from being with whatever is and 'choosing' to bring your Authentic curiosity, imagination, kindness, love and generosity to each given moment...or at least allowing yourself to be aware when 'you' can't seem to allow that.

An Action 'YOU' can Take: Start by observing what isn't working in your life and see what it will take for 'YOU' to show up in that situation. What that means is what will it take for 'you' to release from managing the situation and open the space for 'YOU' to re-emerge with unbiased awareness, kindness and generosity...pick something small that you are not too attached to and notice when a new YOU appears; then go on to the next challenge.



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The Miracle of Relationships--Part Two

Part Two--The Significant Others

Who are the significant others? To my way of looking at it, they are all the people who play an important role in your life: Co-workers, bosses, spouse or lover, kids, parents, siblings and friends; these are the second most important relationships in your life. We will deal with the most important relationship in part three of this series, but for now let's take a look at how these other relationships impact our lives.

If you take a moment and look at all your key relationships you may find some of them are problematic. If not, and I hope that is so, you will find that, for the most part, you are a very happy and optimistic person. That is the point of today's post; if all of our important relationships are a source of joy and inspiration; we will be enormously the better for it. Relationships define us. You may wish that they didn't, and your little voice may be telling you that many of those people I have listed aren't important to your life. You may have quit talking to your sister or written off your Dad or resigned yourself to hearing nothing from your adult child; BUT don't be fooled, each of these are important relationships. If you think that the distress of your job or the argument with a co-worker is not important you would be mistaken. Each relationship we have with people close to us affects us more than we may realize.

So, take a moment and assess where you are in your significant others relationships. If you have a chronic problem with any of them it's time to find out what is going on with-in you.

Relationships are where we play out our dramas. Relationships are where we externalize our unhappiness and dissatisfaction. We seek to fill the holes in our lives and cover the pain by having our relationships be what we missed or lost as children. We needed comfort and we got pain. We needed encouragement and we got judged. We needed love and we got disapproval and we needed a mirror of who we are at our best and we got a view of how disappointing we were. We fought the pain and when we went out into the world we sought to correct these things by finding others who would treat us better. We had needs and they would fill them; and when inevitably they don't we are once again in our drama of life.

It is time for you to face that your problematic relationships are a mirror of your losses. If you have problematic relationships, you are struggling with your own daemons. You are seeking results from others that they cannot fulfill..it is time to take stock...breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel your own pain without making it the fault of others. Notice what the problem SEEMS to be, then notice what it is that you want and are not getting from them. Stop...feel the pain of loss...then notice that no one, beyond your parents, is put on this earth for the purpose of filling your needs, (and even their task ends with your maturity). Acknowledge the pain, release them from blame and allow yourself to grieve your loss.

We will learn more about how to release others and truly allow our relationships to soar in the next installment on this series; but for now, allow yourself to withdraw from the blaming, complaining and gossiping of others and be with yourself. Do the impossible...love the ones your with and let them be...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...YOU are not wrong and perhaps you have done something wrong, YOU are loved and cherished even though you have endured the judgements, slings and arrows of others...YOU is not you...learn the difference.

An Action to Take: Find a situation with a significant other that YOU can apologize for making worse by being triggered. Study as hard as you can to understand and appreciate where the other person is coming from and notice that, while that might not meet your expectations or desires, it is not personal and you are not injured by their needs. Do this once in a while until you begin to feel the power that comes from being in charge of things getting better.