A Reader Wrote...

A reader wrote to me after looking in on the first finding Mr. Right,

Dear Larry,
"I was able to get into the web-site and it is very informative. I also put it into my favorites. I will finish reading it and re-read it now that I can. I have a very bad attitude and hopefully one day it will be better. Since my boyfriend died, 8 yrs ago I have done soooo much to try to improve my life. But, the bottom line, is that I haven't been successful in finding someone to share my life with.

I know a lot is in an attitude so when I do meet someone (a man) I try hard to be nice and ask them questions to learn about them, whatever? I try hard, maybe too hard? I do not think so, just keeping it light and sometimes just joking around. Almost playful. BUT, WHATEVER IT IS, THE one or ones I like just move on. I am soooo tired of them moving on .... I am not going to ask you what is it? I am sure it could be many things. . . I used to give until it hurts. I know too much now and can not do that but I do give as much as I can in any relationship. My nature. I work on my co-dependant issues. I have attended a 12 step meeting for years now.

I feel like if there is a God, why am I still here in this house, without friends (have one or two) lonely, until I can not cry anymore, and my prayers are for nothing? I know that isn't right to expect something for my prayers but how do I not feel like I am just alone and almost being punished?

Sorry to go on and on but it is very difficult for me to be just "BE" sometimes (bold added) without my loneliness overwhelming me....your reader

I wrote to her and told her to keep reading...that there was a lot in her letter. Most of what was there was her pain and angst brought on by the constant reminder of her loneliness. She was struggling to recognize her triggered consciousness and "trying to figure it out" (coping) was starting to overwhelm her...coping is like that and recognizing when you're coping is HARD. A few weeks later I received this letter from her;

Hi Larry, Sorry to take so long in answering you. Much has happened since I wrote to you. About a year and a half ago, I met a man at a single's dance. He was in the process of getting a divorce, and appeared to be very angry. It scared me and after giving me his phone # I never called him. Well, I have seen him lately at a few more of the dances and last Friday he asked me to dance again. We talked until 3:00 am. He was as lonely as I and really wanted to talk to someone. It turns out he only lives about 10 min from me.
Well, I have no idea where it is going, but he seems to be wanting to be with me a lot and I feel the same.

Yes, my attitude has changed. It is amazing, not actually, how nice it is to share my thoughts and feelings with a man and not have him reject me. Yes, it could happen and at my age. I have been through a lot of disappointments in myself and others but will damn try my best to just let it be and see what happens? (bold added)

I am attracted to him but he probably would not have been my preference and I am thinking maybe that is a good thing.

Larry, I can go on and on and tell you so many things and whatever you would like to add to your writings, so far what I have written, would not be a problem for me to say "O.K." ... but even though I may (not) have sounded like it, I did always have some hope. I am scared as hell, but will do my best.......
thanks, your reader.

Yes, at her age and at your age whatever that may be life can shift and you can have what until now has bedeviled you. Coping is the problem...fight/flight, auto/protector consciousness does shut us down from having what we want...look at the difference in the tenor of her two letters and notice how much Authentic beingness is in the second...learn to trust that the only chronic problems you have are being stuck in your fight/flight perspective and when you release LIFE AND LIVING BEGIN...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Coping is everything you do when upset, stressed, struggling or 'dealing' with the issues in your life. Life begins when you allow love and compassion to rule your actions and you tell the truth about your pain without needing it to change...it inevitably will....

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a 'problem' tell whoever it is you are struggling with that you are triggered and that you either want to fight it or withdraw...apologize to them for making it worse and ask them what they would like to do to help make it 'better', 'work', etc. Take a few deep breaths and listen, acknowledging when and if their suggestions continue to trigger you...then see if you can find your vulnerable feelings and share those....




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