A Reader Wrote...Follow-up

My Reader gave me a few more details and wrote;


It seems like the last two weeks have flown by and I am still almost spinning...(My friend) After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry. However, I always say "there is a reason why people and or me, do the things we do", and who knows his ex's side of it? I try very hard not to judge...The important thing is that I think about (he) and I separately from that, and see how he treats me.
As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are the kids to accepting and all the things that could happen. Again I am working on keeping my focus on "US" and step back sort of, and see what happens. The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good (Bold mine) through our relationship...



Several things come to mind as I read this note...the author says,

"...After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry...."


Anger IS normal and if it will spur a person to defeat the "bear" or win the battle it is effective...but most of our anger lingers and has no place in our present life...being generally angry, or being angry after the 'divorce' is staying stuck in our fight/flight consciousness, and while that is VERY common it is not productive or effective for any person or for those around them.


Our task, should we decide to accept it, is to learn how to release from our auto/protector self and fight/flight anger, which will free us to move on and have the kind of relationships we desire. My reader seems to be handling her friends anger well and giving him the space he needs; but this is no easy task...The hard part is remembering his anger isn't personal even if he finds some current situation to blame...and he will! Getting angry at someone who is angry with us becomes a never ending self fulfilling prophecy. It is our task to break that cycle and allow the others anger without taking it personally...YOU really are okay, even when and if you make a mistake. Almost all anger at each other is misplaced anger.

The reader went on to say,

"...As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are ....all the things that could happen.... The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good through our relationship...."

This is one of the most common mistakes we make. I wrote back to her, "Something good has already occurred and is occurring each moment you choose to be present and real with each other...try not to get trapped in the issue of, 'where this is going and waiting for it to be good later' it isn't going anywhere...it just IS and it's good NOW. The main thing and ONLY thing is you like each other as people'...let that be enough and take it one day, one moment at a time...be present in the moment face each challenge with goodwill and good humor, and all will take care of itself .

People of any age face the challenge of 'allowing love to flourish'...People of middle age are often far better prepared for that than most...so don't any of us sell ourselves short...relax...let events unfold however they will and choose to be at peace with whatever twists and turns present themselves.

Talk of possible mate or anything else seems far too premature and unnecessary...in the fullness of time you may choose many paths for this relationship none need be better than any other...allow yourself to be whole in each exchange with your relationships and let your inner guide direct the flow...allow the wonder of being with each other...Relax, and enjoy the ride..."I remain, until next time...Respectfully Yours, Larry



A Thought for the Day: Getting caught up in "what's next" keeps us from fully experiencing "What is"...Which keeps us from being happy and living well Now.

An Action YOU Can Take...Live in the moment, give praise, respect and appreciation, and allow your relationships to be exactly as they are...breathe deeply and release your expectations, so that YOU might see what IS. Take an even bigger breath and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...it will set you free.











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