Why should you Seek Life Coaching?

Why indeed? Not a simple answer. 'YOU' needs nothing; 'you' needs the support of another untriggered consciousness in order to 'come down' from the survival drives and urges running and ruining your life. 'YOU' is not always in control of your life; 'you' takes over in times of stress, loss, fear and pain and that shift of your conscious mind can become chronic in today's world.

When you try to deal with life problems you are naturally driven to fight/flight/freeze options and that just isn't good enough to solve the issues with which most of us cope. Having someone that you can trust and rely on to allow you to surrender control and open the space for YOU to re-emerge is an absolute necessity for dealing with any of the chronic problems we face today.

It can be mind bending to appreciate that 'YOU' is not 'you'. The 'I' you use when referring to yourself is sometimes 'i'. This is not simply rhetoric, it is a fact of your self conscious awareness. When you say, "I am sick and tired of your blah, blah, blah..." you are not refering to the same self conscious being that says, "I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to hurt you and blame you, or judge you that way. I was just upset and scared at the time and I let myself speak my frustration." Speaking your frustration is another way of saying the 'little you' was in charge of your actions. YOU are not your fight/flight/freeze coping reactions; they are the exclusive province of your auto/protector self. (The little you or 'i').

When you are stuck in the same feelings, life situations, emotions, or distress 'you' NEEDS a life coach. It may be your therapist, or pastor/priest, or someone you know as wise and trustworthy, but whomever you choose you need to access their Authentic Self and see through their eyes 'you' and 'YOU' so that you might be reminded of who 'YOU' really is. (I know very strange grammer). In order for YOU to re-emerge the little you must lessen its grip and the only way to do that is to find a safe enough environment for YOU to see the bigger picture.

Find a life coach today and begin your journey to a happier, more rewarding life. Learn to see for yourself the power your auto/protector has in keeping you from having the things you truly seek. If you struggle with body image, emotions, jobs, kids, relationships, career or "mental health" issues, chances are you are struggling with issues of fight/flight/freeze...go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and read more about this. Until next time, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: 'YOU' is love, compassion, curiosity, imagination, kindness, generosity and productivity. If these are not the things of your life everyday and in every way 'you' is taking up too much of your time.

An Action YOU can Take...Take a moment to assess your life...write down the complaints you have and notice how distressed you are when dealing with these issues. Step back and breathe...then see if you are ready to give up your distress. If 'yes' then do so; if 'no' then contact someone who can help 'you' discover the road to freedom and peace of mind.

Being Happy

What do you need right NOW to be happy? You may have a list or you may have just one thing, "...that if you had it you could be happy!" So, go ahead make that list and then evaluate your life and add anything you think might need to be added for your life to be happy. Be sure to look at every aspect of your life, relationships, family, kids, finances, sex, money, body image, self esteem, personality, emotional well being, spirituality, time off, friends, mental health, habits, addictions, phobias, jobs, skills, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....

What is holding you back from being the happiest person alive? Find out, and then we'll correct it and you will get to be happy...isn't that great? Oops, don't believe me do you. You're unhappy about, "whatever you're unhappy about", and no amount of blogging is going to do anything at all about that. Right? Only if you say so! and if you're unhappy you do, "say SO!"

What makes you happy? Lots of things, I know...but what really, really, really would make you absolutely happy? Not sure? Nothing? Great, you win the Kewpie doll...NOTHING will make you happy and nothing ever has...You chose to be happy whenever you chose to...nothing else matters. You get to be happy when you say, "gosh, I feel happy..." and nothing has to change except your willingness to declare your own happiness. So, let's get started on you. Let's find out what's keeping you from choosing to declare your own happiness. What is stopping you from being happy right NOW...nothing but your belief in and your unwillingness to complete your grieving of the fear and pain of your past or the expectations of it in your future...Be happy...choose happy...choose well being and when your fear based mind starts explaining, "WHY" that is not wise for you...make a few notes and begin to appreciate that nothing but your unwillingness to grieve and let go stands between you and being happy. It's not easy being happy; you have to let go of your determination to fix things change things, or overcome things...you have to grieve the loss...and your survival mind won't let you do that...(it always says, "what would happen if I just let you be happy with THIS or THAT issue in our lives...it would be just like giving up and 'i' won't let you do that.")

If you find that you are stuck...get help...get unstuck by working with a life coach of your choosing and discover the traps your auto/protector has set for you to remain unhappy and unsatisfied. Life is full of trials and tribulations, but that is still no reason to be unhappy...if you are chronically unhappy you are trapped by your survival consciousness and it is unnecessary and surely unwelcome...find the light and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Being sad doesn't mean you aren't a happy person and being upset doesn't mean you aren't okay. These things are temporal reactions to external circumstances and so long as you allow them to pass on you will remain full of joy and well being.

An Action YOU can Take...discover the source of your chronic unhappiness and dissatisfaction by doing the suggested exercises...then take some time to allow these struggles to release...and breathe...breathe until you can face the situations with a sense of humor and peace of mind that allows for the circumstance to exist or pass without your needing it to be different...that you want it to be different is fine, that you need it to be is the source of your misery.




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How the Core Paradigm can Help You

You know, when we speak, we are confident about a few things, at least. We are confident that when we say 'I' we mean to refer to ourselves. When we say we like something, we do; and when we say we hate something, we really do. When we say, "That's just the way 'I' am...we mean it...or do we?

The Core Paradigm is a discovery about the nature of the single most important aspect of being human; it is a discovery about the nature of our self conscious awareness. All mammals are aware and some may have some form of self awareness; but humans depend entirely on their ability to REFER things (everything) to themselves. We could not evaluate if we didn't know what was good for us or bad for us. It isn't that something is good for itself, it is good because we say it is and the same for bad.

When we developed the capacity of self reference it was first and foremost a survival imperative. "I kill you", I eat you" I sacrifice you to the Gods, so the tribe will have good fortune". We developed a powerful survival self consciousness which would guide all our fight/flight reactions...and then something odd happened; we developed a level of self conscious awareness that was driven by a new part of our ever expanding brain (the neo-cortex) which allowed us to understand ourselves in the context of all the universe. The 'Authentic Self' emerged as Homo Sapien, Sapien began walking the earth; and it brought with it the power to live with dreams, possibilities and promise for a brilliant tomorrow.

This dichotomy of two self conscious awarenesses has set us up for amazing capabilities and incredible pain. The 'I' of your auto/protector is NOT the 'I' of your Authentic Self...that is the simple explanation of the Core Paradigm. One person, two self consciousnesses, operating in a single body, using your language skills and running all of our behavior. We must use a form of self conscious awareness to guide all of our actions, but not the same self conscious awareness in every case.

When you are triggered by events you are no longer the same self conscious being you were a split second before being triggered. You use your conscious tools to defend yourself and rationalize your behavior. You say you hate, or despise, or can't stand something, but all that means is it is a threat to you and you need to get away from it or destroy it. When you come down from the adrenalin high of auto/protector behavior, you will say things like 'I' didn't mean that, of course I'll try it, I was just being foolish and many other statements that are now equally true.

When you are acting out of your survival mentality your wants, needs, and desires are nothing like what you really want, need or desire when you can access and use your Authentic personality. Discover this for yourself...it will make a difference to you as you begin to become aware of your auto/protector self and how uniquely different it is from who you really are. Authentic awareness is the key to overcoming most of the chronic life living problems you face. (go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and read more about the Core Paradigm; buy the book, Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness.) You can have it all, happiness, well being, peace of mind, goodwill and harmonious relationships if you will become the author of your life...not the pre-scripted book of the auto/protector.

Learn to face your distressing situations with your Authentic Self still awake and available...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Anger and fear are the emotions of the auto/protector...they are not you...you are the one feeling those emotions and being present to life in all its struggle and all its glory.

An Action you can Take...When faced with upset of any kind ask yourself, What am I afraid of here?" and don't stop until you discover what is driving you to be in your defensive fight/flight mode of operation. Then feel the fear, pain, or loss and rediscover your compassion, appreciation and aliveness as you address these situations with love.

A Reader Wrote...Follow-up

My Reader gave me a few more details and wrote;


It seems like the last two weeks have flown by and I am still almost spinning...(My friend) After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry. However, I always say "there is a reason why people and or me, do the things we do", and who knows his ex's side of it? I try very hard not to judge...The important thing is that I think about (he) and I separately from that, and see how he treats me.
As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are the kids to accepting and all the things that could happen. Again I am working on keeping my focus on "US" and step back sort of, and see what happens. The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good (Bold mine) through our relationship...



Several things come to mind as I read this note...the author says,

"...After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry...."


Anger IS normal and if it will spur a person to defeat the "bear" or win the battle it is effective...but most of our anger lingers and has no place in our present life...being generally angry, or being angry after the 'divorce' is staying stuck in our fight/flight consciousness, and while that is VERY common it is not productive or effective for any person or for those around them.


Our task, should we decide to accept it, is to learn how to release from our auto/protector self and fight/flight anger, which will free us to move on and have the kind of relationships we desire. My reader seems to be handling her friends anger well and giving him the space he needs; but this is no easy task...The hard part is remembering his anger isn't personal even if he finds some current situation to blame...and he will! Getting angry at someone who is angry with us becomes a never ending self fulfilling prophecy. It is our task to break that cycle and allow the others anger without taking it personally...YOU really are okay, even when and if you make a mistake. Almost all anger at each other is misplaced anger.

The reader went on to say,

"...As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are ....all the things that could happen.... The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good through our relationship...."

This is one of the most common mistakes we make. I wrote back to her, "Something good has already occurred and is occurring each moment you choose to be present and real with each other...try not to get trapped in the issue of, 'where this is going and waiting for it to be good later' it isn't going anywhere...it just IS and it's good NOW. The main thing and ONLY thing is you like each other as people'...let that be enough and take it one day, one moment at a time...be present in the moment face each challenge with goodwill and good humor, and all will take care of itself .

People of any age face the challenge of 'allowing love to flourish'...People of middle age are often far better prepared for that than most...so don't any of us sell ourselves short...relax...let events unfold however they will and choose to be at peace with whatever twists and turns present themselves.

Talk of possible mate or anything else seems far too premature and unnecessary...in the fullness of time you may choose many paths for this relationship none need be better than any other...allow yourself to be whole in each exchange with your relationships and let your inner guide direct the flow...allow the wonder of being with each other...Relax, and enjoy the ride..."I remain, until next time...Respectfully Yours, Larry



A Thought for the Day: Getting caught up in "what's next" keeps us from fully experiencing "What is"...Which keeps us from being happy and living well Now.

An Action YOU Can Take...Live in the moment, give praise, respect and appreciation, and allow your relationships to be exactly as they are...breathe deeply and release your expectations, so that YOU might see what IS. Take an even bigger breath and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...it will set you free.











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A Reader Wrote...

A reader wrote to me after looking in on the first finding Mr. Right,

Dear Larry,
"I was able to get into the web-site and it is very informative. I also put it into my favorites. I will finish reading it and re-read it now that I can. I have a very bad attitude and hopefully one day it will be better. Since my boyfriend died, 8 yrs ago I have done soooo much to try to improve my life. But, the bottom line, is that I haven't been successful in finding someone to share my life with.

I know a lot is in an attitude so when I do meet someone (a man) I try hard to be nice and ask them questions to learn about them, whatever? I try hard, maybe too hard? I do not think so, just keeping it light and sometimes just joking around. Almost playful. BUT, WHATEVER IT IS, THE one or ones I like just move on. I am soooo tired of them moving on .... I am not going to ask you what is it? I am sure it could be many things. . . I used to give until it hurts. I know too much now and can not do that but I do give as much as I can in any relationship. My nature. I work on my co-dependant issues. I have attended a 12 step meeting for years now.

I feel like if there is a God, why am I still here in this house, without friends (have one or two) lonely, until I can not cry anymore, and my prayers are for nothing? I know that isn't right to expect something for my prayers but how do I not feel like I am just alone and almost being punished?

Sorry to go on and on but it is very difficult for me to be just "BE" sometimes (bold added) without my loneliness overwhelming me....your reader

I wrote to her and told her to keep reading...that there was a lot in her letter. Most of what was there was her pain and angst brought on by the constant reminder of her loneliness. She was struggling to recognize her triggered consciousness and "trying to figure it out" (coping) was starting to overwhelm her...coping is like that and recognizing when you're coping is HARD. A few weeks later I received this letter from her;

Hi Larry, Sorry to take so long in answering you. Much has happened since I wrote to you. About a year and a half ago, I met a man at a single's dance. He was in the process of getting a divorce, and appeared to be very angry. It scared me and after giving me his phone # I never called him. Well, I have seen him lately at a few more of the dances and last Friday he asked me to dance again. We talked until 3:00 am. He was as lonely as I and really wanted to talk to someone. It turns out he only lives about 10 min from me.
Well, I have no idea where it is going, but he seems to be wanting to be with me a lot and I feel the same.

Yes, my attitude has changed. It is amazing, not actually, how nice it is to share my thoughts and feelings with a man and not have him reject me. Yes, it could happen and at my age. I have been through a lot of disappointments in myself and others but will damn try my best to just let it be and see what happens? (bold added)

I am attracted to him but he probably would not have been my preference and I am thinking maybe that is a good thing.

Larry, I can go on and on and tell you so many things and whatever you would like to add to your writings, so far what I have written, would not be a problem for me to say "O.K." ... but even though I may (not) have sounded like it, I did always have some hope. I am scared as hell, but will do my best.......
thanks, your reader.

Yes, at her age and at your age whatever that may be life can shift and you can have what until now has bedeviled you. Coping is the problem...fight/flight, auto/protector consciousness does shut us down from having what we want...look at the difference in the tenor of her two letters and notice how much Authentic beingness is in the second...learn to trust that the only chronic problems you have are being stuck in your fight/flight perspective and when you release LIFE AND LIVING BEGIN...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Coping is everything you do when upset, stressed, struggling or 'dealing' with the issues in your life. Life begins when you allow love and compassion to rule your actions and you tell the truth about your pain without needing it to change...it inevitably will....

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a 'problem' tell whoever it is you are struggling with that you are triggered and that you either want to fight it or withdraw...apologize to them for making it worse and ask them what they would like to do to help make it 'better', 'work', etc. Take a few deep breaths and listen, acknowledging when and if their suggestions continue to trigger you...then see if you can find your vulnerable feelings and share those....




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Celebrate your Life--Breaking the Cycle of Distress

Lots of things get us down...upsetting relationships, job stress, personal image, parents, parenting, self esteem issues, insecurities, envy, jealousy, loneliness and more. Sometimes these issues become chronic and we become anxious, depressed, or angry and hopeless. We may become moody and increasingly unsatisfied with ourselves and the life we lead.

We may seek to fill our increasing dissatisfaction by associating with others who will agree with us, or do our bidding, or take our abuse or give us abuse, but none of that will ever work. In this case "work" means, bring us happiness and well being. We may isolate, or descend into our own pity party, or talk endlessly about, "what's wrong". We may manipulate others to feel sorry for us, or make others feel worse than we do; but again NONE OF THAT WILL WORK.

If you are unhappy, or dissatisfied, or bored, or miserable, or scared, or upset with yourself and/or your life, too much of the time; it's well past time to get over it! And the grand news is, YOU CAN!

Your misery, no matter what form that comes in, is only possible because you are a self conscious being...it is only possible because you have a self conscious, fight/flight persona we call the auto/protector self. If you exit your fear driven conscious mind you exit your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life.

"Fine, Larry, how do I do that?"

Glad you asked. A long time ago psychiatrists discovered that if you gave a depressed patient a big enough jolt of electricity they often stopped being depressed. They didn't know why it worked, but they knew it did...Why do you suppose it worked? The simple answer is that the patient forgot what it was they were thinking about that they felt the need to depress...in other words they shocked them right out of their fight/flight mentality.

You don't have to stick your finger in a light socket in order to improve the quality of your life. You don't have to take pills or go through endless psycho-analysis. What you do need to do is reawaken your Authentic Self consciousness and the easiest way I know to do that is to celebrate what ever it is that has got you going. Start your day with a self assessment and no matter what you find celebrate it.

"I am fat and ugly! I hate that! No one likes me because I am so fat and ugly! My kids do drugs, my mom died and my boss just told me I'm going to be fired tomorrow...what the hell is there to celebrate?"

Just that! Celebrate it..."I am fat...look at these rolls of blubber and while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, in my eyes I'm uglier than sin. Whoopee...I hate everything about myself and so does everyone else...okay, I'm great at hating, lucky me...I'm the best hater in the world...I am scared and sad; scared for my child and sad that my mother died let me celebrate my fear and sadness...let me feel it fully and not flinch...let me love it for allowing me to be alive...and the terror I feel at soon being out of a job?...well hallelujah...I am exactly where I am, feeling exactly what I am feeling and I embrace these feelings knowing with absolute certainty that these too shall pass."

I know completely unrealistic...except for the people I have coached that have done just that. Find your own life coach, and ask them to help you celebrate your life just as it is. You can celebrate your life, feelings, and experiences, no matter what they are. A celebration of life is not always happy but it is always generated from your Authentic Self. From the frontal lobes of your creative imaginative consciousness. It is something you are capable of 'doing'. You can embrace and celebrate the fullness of your feelings, and experiences; and if you do, just like shock therapy, you will release from the rigid grip of your fear based conscious mind.

Be in love with YOU. Let yourself have exactly what you have without complaint and with the fullness that will inevitably allow it to past into antiquity. Embrace your experiences and share them with gusto and pride of ownership...love the ones you're with, especially yourself...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: To celebrate sadness is to be profoundly sad, to celebrate fear is to be free to feel stark terror, to celebrate anything is to be fully engulfed in the experience so that it might be free to move on...and move on it will when you have experienced it fully.

An Action you can Take...the next time you feel stuck in some emotion or some situation that just keeps persisting...stop right in the middle of how you typically handle it and ask yourself what you are feeling (if it is anger dig deeper) then own those feelings as your reaction to the situation and stop whatever you were going to do and fully experience the feelings. Say, "I accept that this is what it is and I have exactly these feelings about it...It is okay for things to be as they are (even if I can't stand that) and for me to feel as I do...I want them to change and that is okay as well and if I can do anything to effect that change I will, so long as it will lead to greater peace and harmony for all." Do this a few times until you begin to experience a shift in how you experience your own life.

Go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and buy the book; or peruse http://www.perspectiveson.com/ for more information on life coaching.