...love is just a word

...and life a fragile shell...walk gently;...live in the moment means nothing until you cry until you can't catch your breath...I listen to the Avett Brothers, "I and Love and You" and cry until I can't catch my breath...only then can I see..."...dumbed down and numbed by time and age;"...talk softly...living in this moment is better when I've cried...I am scared, I talk too loud and feel too little...I'm scared...of what??? nothing...life, hopelessness, a lack of meaning...all of the above...not a bad thing at all--feels like renewal....

Today is another in an endless stream, that I get to be only the most insignificant part of...sometimes that's all right...sometimes not...I want to touch people...help them...lift them up when they fall...hold their hand when the touch makes a difference...sometimes I do...mostly I have hidden away...too afraid to be seen...too afraid that what is to be seen is not nearly enough...it is the legacy of deeply misunderstood intentions...from people too afraid of their own paths...I am sorry they could not feel more of the love we all are entitled to; and to which, I have more than my share...life is grand...especially after a good cry...hiding is grandly overrated...I hope you are filled with love, well being and joy...I know there are days where that is true for me...today???

...today I am filled with the sadness of missed opportunities and visions of cowering in the corner, crying, terrified, hoping...and hope's betrayals; ...mostly just my betrayal of myself...today is a new day and a new opportunity...so, I write...I hope it helps, I fear it won't...who could possibly need such silliness...well if no one else...I do...It helps me and while that seems like it couldn't possibly be enough...I'm going to have to make it do...I've got a lot of work to do to let it be enough...but that is a worthy path...if nothing more than how those about me will benefit...I do know how much it can mean to my family to know that I am well...and feeling good about myself...that is a worthy task and one I hope you travel...if not...get help...without doubt it is waiting for you....

I'll try to remember and I hope you will too, as well...go gently into your day, live in harmony with what is, remember NOW is all any of us have, love a lot, laugh even more, but don't forget to cry, once in awhile until you can't catch your breath...love the ones you're with...and until next time...I love you, Larry







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