...and life goes on...

...and aren't we all blessed...Ireland and Spain were amazing...travel is amazing...coming home...not so much...Why? Such a misleading word, "Why", when we say it, it almost invariably sends us directly into our head to find a 'reason'...not 'the' reason, just A reason...a better question is "What"...what is it that is keeping me from relishing my life at home? Well, thanks for asking...having to face my failures, missteps, and shortcomings is sometimes just a bit daunting...ever find that for yourself? Devin (my son) told me that it was impossible to be better than I am (meaning to this point in the NOW) and that if I looked I would see, not only the shortcomings but the blessings of who I am and have been...that my life and struggles don't need to have been different in order for me to be okay; that, yes, I was upset with me, but, if I looked I would see he only saw how much he has learned and been blessed with for being my son....

I could see that and know that my potential is what it is and trying to be something I'm not is trying to do the impossible...Now, this can be quite confusing, we can certainly try to do better next time, or try to improve our behavior, or try to live better, cleaner, smarter, but we can't be more than we actually are, today, TODAY... if it is different tomorrow that's another story, but it will include, including all the limitations that have brought us to today...Ah, being here, now, isn't such a bad thing....

Does that mean I will always be limited? Yes and no...any specific limitation may be moderated or sometimes expunged, and striving to learn and grow can be lovely, but today...TODAY...NOW, we are exactly as we are, no better or worse, and acceptance is the order of the day. I look at my life and my failings and I want them to be better...not better tomorrow, or the next day, better now, or yesterday...and trust me when I tell you...THAT AIN'T GOIN' TO HAPPEN...when I stop bemoaning the past, take stock of both my failings and my accomplishments, I find that life isn't so bad...in fact it's grand...that was the lesson Devin gave me when I was in Ireland and it is the one I am relearning as I write this...today, right here IN THIS MOMENT is grand...I am as good as I am and as bad, and things are as they are, I'm afraid at times, in love most of the time, and when I'm willing to admit it, excited about tomorrow (I hope you are too!)...I do wish I would take my own advice once in awhile...but then, where's the fun in that....

Remember, live well, love a lot, seek the support you need to flourish and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry






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