Honesty, More than just a Policy?

I read a book once called 'Radical Honesty'. It tried to make the point that being "ruthlessly, and precisely" honest was the road to happiness and living the good life...I thought it odd that 'honesty' should have such a modifier as 'Radical' or 'Ruthless'...as Forest would say, "honest is as honest does"...But in any discussion of honesty, It seems, that we all are faced with the seeming conundrum of the little white lie...either telling the truth, or saying something gratuitously hurtful...what is the point of telling someone they look ugly in that blouse, or telling someone how inept they are at some recreational activity...and if it's okay to have a few 'little white lies' where do we draw the line...or is this even the point of honesty?

The answer to that is, "Honesty has little or nothing to do with tactfulness and kindness...Honesty has little to do with being honest with others, altogether, and everything to do with being honest with oneself." If someone asks you to be honest about how they look you'll have to decide if they're being honest...Perhaps what they're really asking for is reassurance and if you want them to be reassured, then telling them they look fine is an honest thing to do...Little white lie? Nonsense...Honesty is being honest with yourself, first and honest with others when you can honestly feel safe enough to do so.

What? Be honest with others only when you feel safe? What kind of policy is that? Honestly? It is half the policy that we all follow...the other half which few of us follow is being honest with ourselves....

We do a lot of things, from an automatic survival perspective and then we lie about it not just to others, but to ourselves. If you will look at your life and start telling the truth to yourself about yourself it might look something like this, "I spend quite a bit of time hiding, or blustering...I'm scared, or in pain and feel like I have to keep that hidden, My public self is often an act and I suspect I'm seldom aware just how much that is true of me...I spend a lot of time rationalizing and justifying myself and my behavior and a lot of time posturing and posing...I avoid seeing both my fear and my pain (what good would that do anyway) and while I often say I'm doing the best I can, I know I'm not...I want to be honest, but honestly I don't think I'm willing to take that big a risk."

Maybe, that's too harsh...maybe pain and insecurity, or self absorption aren't that big a deal in your life and you feel seen and heard most of the time...maybe tranquillity, peace of mind, well being, compassion and kindness fill your day...but if not then you might wish to look into discovering the path to a whole new level of honesty...honesty with yourself and when you're ready...with others as you become more of the solution and less of the problem of living in this over hyped and fractious world...If you wish to struggle less, play more and be an agent for personal and social well being...then be honest with yourself, love the ones you're with, be playful and find compassion for those you find upsetting...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry




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