Telling the Truth to Yourself

Sometimes we get caught up in worring about, "What is the truth?"...Did O. J. do it, was the advertising honest, do politicians ever tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, did our kids really just 'go to the mall', can I trust a salesman...etc?...I ascribe to a different truth, "You can't cheat an honest (wo)man." W.C. Fields

Worrying about the truth of others is missing the point...What is true for you? In your most honest moments, you know that YOU could be more honest (if not, you haven't looked hard enough)...Being present to reality, letting go of expectations, releasing from the stories we tell about our lives and letting go of our insecurities (about ourselves and our okayness), will bring us closer to the truth....

The truth we seek is in ourselves...not outside...when someone lies to us, personal or otherwise, they depend on our dishonesty...if we look to ourselves, the lies will have no power and our lives will be little affected...Lies have their own stink, and when you're centered you'll smell it...the truth will be clear...even if it is simply, "I don't know what the truth is right now." Telling someone that, from a truthful place, will disarm them...You will see how hard they may try, "...to get you to believe them"...But if you remain centered in your own truth you will find that the answers will be clearer than ever before....

The person you most NEED to tell you the truth...IS YOU..."It seems true" is fine, or, "I'm uncomfortable with what you're saying." or, "That doesn't seem to be true for me." can all be true for us...But we don't say these things because we don't want to offend...we want to believe people and we want them to take care of us...but first we must take care of ourselves and in the process we take care of them...If I lie to you and you accept it, I lose respect for you...If I lie to you and you refuse to be taken in...I'm mad, frantic, determined to convince...AND...in the end relieved, that you didn't buy into it...It is a great act of kindness to be true to yourself, because in the end it supports others to find their path....

It is not an easy journey...this telling yourself the truth...but it is worth the trials...you will benefit, others will benefit, life will seem more vital and you will feel more alive...tell the truth and in time it will vanquish anxiety, depression, distress and frustration...the truth (if it is yours) will set you free...It is not an argument, and you needn't argue, it is simply the truth...remember this New Years to move forward in your journey to tell yourself the truth; and in between...love the one's you're with...until next time...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry






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...and to you, Peace, Harmony and Love

...Extra Terrestrials have been sighted less than one light year from earth...they seem to be coming in an armada or flotilla of ships...headed, apparently, directly for earth....

We are one people...earthlings...bracing for what is to come, needing to depend upon each other...now, it is time to set aside our differences, focus on what makes us one people...come together and welcome the strangers...let them know that they can not divide us...we are strong because we are one....

One day perhaps we will include them, but for now it is important to know and trust our neighbors...we have learned that the only weapon the others have brought with them is the power to play one against the other...we must be vigilant and remain resolute...we are one...one people, no matter where we are found on this planet...we will not be divided...for it is only in division that we are weak and that we will fall...If we remain true to our people, peace will ensue, security will be complete, and love between us all, will conquer...they have as much told us so...in their arrogance they said, "You, people of earth, will not stand for long before our weapons of disharmony and divisiveness...you will fall into meaningless squabbles and look to us as saviors...we will own you and your planet within the year...you are helpless before our manipulations of making you play favorites against each other...You are enslaved now in your petty fights and forever more you will be enslaved to your own weaknesses...the Algorithms"....

We have a little time, now, reach out to whomever you have a dispute, release and resolve, make peace and let it grow until nations do the same...love the ones you're with...love yourself...be well...have the happiest of holidays, however, you chose to celebrate....until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry





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The Day after Tomorrow...

On that day things will be better...today is full of living, feelings, frustrations, things undone and yet to do and won't get done...but the day after tomorrow will be different...I hope...the day before yesterday was a good day and even if there were some problems it wasn't so bad...today is not the same at all...things are crazy, issues are real, stuff neeeeeds to be done, today....

Today, of course, is the day after tomorrow and will be the day before yesterday...It is what we have, and it is the best of all possible worlds...it is also the worst of all possible worlds and the least important of all that we want...in short, it is everything under the sun...today is what we have, precious, and practical, frustrating and wondrous...today is the moment where all your dreams will be fulfilled...not tomorrow, and not last night...today...if life has you down, or frustration is building...stop, breathe, let yourself experience your feelings...and then let go...breathe, again...and remember, today is the best time in the world, and you are everything you need to be...it has always been so and it will always be so...today is where we live and you can have peace of mind, today...if you choose...declare it to be, feel what you need to feel and move on...not sometime tomorrow, but right now, today....

I hope this will be the best holiday for each of you...and that you will feel the love, good will and joy that the winter solstice can bring as we end the seasons of planting and gathering and join hands to share the quiet of long winter nights...be well, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry






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Disembarking from the River of Circumstance

Today the Core Paradigm took a giant leap...If you haven't been following along, the Core Paradigm is what I call the discovery I and my friends made nineteen years ago about the nature of our unique human consciousness and motivation...It helps me and thousands of others to understand and simplify the complexity of our behaviors and provides a structure for people, mentally and emotionally, to exit their self imposed destructive circumstances and emotional boxes...It is a new way of seeing human behavior and motivation (as opposed to Mental Health)...if you are stuck in negative life patterns, even occasionally, or feeling negative emotions, too often, understanding the Core Paradigm can allow "YOU" the big YOU to re-emerge in situations and circumstances that previously only the reactive 'you' (called, the Auto/Protector self) operated...the result is a more balanced and productive life....

A quick review...The Core Paradigm is deceptively simple: Two selves...one Authentic, creative, imaginative, self expressive...motivated by curiosity, productivity, service; and experiencing love, goodwill, integrity, high self esteem and feelings of peace, tranquillity, serenity and well being:

The other self...the auto/protector self...driven by fear, pain and loss, using cunning, manipulation, and the human version of fight/flight/freeze...when we are triggered into this state of consciousness we feel fear, shame, terror, anger, frustration and distress; we experience 'either/or' thinking, anxiety, envy, jealousy, stubbornness, resentfulness and depression...I would coach people that, "We get triggered and then we cope...and exiting that state will lead to a more authentic life experience"...but....

Today a new wrinkle...every so often a client would ask, "Triggered positively or negatively?" And I would slough it off with, "No, triggers are negatively experienced circumstances or situations." They would get it, and all was good...except, there ARE "positive" triggers...there is a whole other state that has troubled me for nineteen years...I use to say that there were two kinds of people, those who were so tired of their coping behavior and its consequences that they were ready to do anything to let it go...easy to work with clients, who got a lot out of the work...and then there were the other people, who coped and their coping seemed to be successful (makes money, etc. but...)...they would come to me for coaching when circumstances seemed to be against them, but they just couldn't let go of the coping that...made them make money, or got them favors, or gave them the trappings of success...When coping seemed "to work" they were unwilling to let it go (and why should they, even if it did have a little downside or two?)...It sorta worked...but not really...what was wrong? I didn't know...then today it finally made sense....

You get "triggered" by circumstances, situations and conditions...we all do and sometime those trigger us into fight/fight/freeze ...and sometimes they trigger us into affinity/attachment/acquiring behaviors...we're happy, (like Tiger), we're getting what we want, we're succeeding...What could be better? If you're experiencing that you probably wouldn't want to stop, either...but for some of us, we do...and for many more they'd be better for it (I could never say that with certainty until today)....

What is better than getting what you want, or being attached to the things you have, or feeling life is good "because"...or having life give you a lift, or tell you how powerful you are...or give you all the trappings of success?...what indeed could be better?...if your answer is 'nothing', then thanks for reading this far, but you'd best move on now....

What is better, by far, is to get off the roller coaster of the river of circumstance...being triggered, positively or negatively, can be very problematic in today's world...if you value the sense of your own self empowerment, your own integrity, and your genuine well being...if you want to know real happiness, and experience true caring for yourself and others...you'll begin to distinguish between being a satisfied "being"...and "Happy because...." Triggered humans are "human doings", not 'human beings'....

There is a place where real happiness and well being resides...it is past the things of life, and past the momentary circumstances...it is a place that babies, who have had their NEEDS well met, reside...angelic, and serene...not needing anything and trusting that the emergence of wants will not be the death of their serenity...it is the place where many guru's strive to replicate, but it doesn't have to be only on an isolated mountain top (or in a baby's crib), and we don't have to reject wanting or having...learning how to want without it triggering us and learning to achieve without being attached to it, will be quite a trick....

My distress in life is certainly a product of forgetting that my needs are already met and moaning about the wants I have or don't have and failures to get 'whatever'...Too often, I expect, I am deriving my happiness out of winning, or getting (not needs met, but wants)...My needs are met (as all of ours are [if not we'd be dead]) I'm looking for the next stop, as I bob on the river of circumstance, and I hope you will join me, as I make a reservation to get off and get on with being...more on this later as I get a better handle on it...please feel free to chip in...it is an exciting time (or is it?)...is it circumstance, or the chance to be free...time will tell....

In the mean time, love the one's you're with, until next time...I remain, Larry










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How are you...Really?

How are you? Do you answer with a perfunctory, "fine", a more detailed, explanation, or a genuine self assessment, "Feelin' a little blue, today."...in any case, "How are YOU, really?"...what does it mean to be 'fine' or 'not fine'? Your feelings are your scorecard...how you feel about stuff, is just your emotional response to the content of your life...you are fine, even if you're dying from cancer or your best friend was in a horrible accident...you're fine...being sick, frustrated, or broke are just the stuff of life, being sad is the scorecard...it's how you know that those things are not good for you...if you had no feelings, nothing would matter, "ooh, arm cut off...great, I guess"...feelings and emotions respond or react to what we hold as valuable or important in our life...so if you're feeling sad...you're fine...and some sad things are going on in your life....

Mad, glad, sad, scared, and ashamed are easy ways to understand how you're feeling...If someone asks you how you're feeling, you might wish to review those five before answering, "I'm good" which isn't a feeling at all... or, "I feel like you shouldn't be doing that" which is a thought not a feeling...but none of that addresses how you are? If you are triggered and in your fight/flight/freeze (auto/protector) state of consciousness, then you are a victim...argue that if you must, but it will be no less true at the end of your rant...you are a victim, if you're triggered by anything in life...and we all get triggered...you are a victim...but being triggered and 'feeling' the fear, sadness or shame of victim hood isn't the end of the story...YOU the big authentic YOU is fine...your auto/protector self may see things differently, but YOU has a choice....

Who YOU are is a gift...a unique and special person who views the world from a discrete point of view...YOU are fine and perhaps you are sad, scared, angry or deeply ashamed...share that with the one's you love...not as a complaint or rant...but as the truth of your fight/flight/freeze personae, who you know is trying to survive and trying to protect you from the pain and fear of your life....

When you allow yourself to grieve, own your feelings as yours and your reaction to life's little and big distractions...YOU will return and YOU will know...without doubt or fear, that YOU and 'you' are loved...that life as a dynamic state is better for your passing and participating... YOU are fine...no matter the circumstance...be well, prosper in your feelings of love and joy, celebrate your feelings of fear, shame and sadness...and let them go in the warmth of your certainty that, "this too, shall pass"...Live well, love the ones you're with and remember to express your gratitude, admiration and satisfaction each and every day, until next time I remain...Larry




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Tiger or Tigger...What's a Tigger to Do?

I know, can't stand another moment of Tiger bashing...not the point...once again rationalization and misdirection are being used as arguments, bah humbug...Sometimes we get confused...sometimes obfuscation is the objective...When someone of celebrity is caught in an indiscretion we often hear, " ...I'm not perfect." as a seeming defense and admonishment to us to quit holding their feet to the fire...Tiger used that...Tigger never did...But where was it written that anyone was holding Tiger to the standard of perfection? Of decency yes, but not perfection...Is it a lack of perfection that he is being excoriated for; or a lack of decency? Is it imperfect to lie, cheat, and mislead your wife, and children; or is it simply indecent of you to do such things? No matter how common it is to cheat does that justify it or make it decent? Tiger has every right to philander, but the stand up guy image will suffer...when he chooses to display his loving family and his devotion while playing the cad, people will notice and be disappointed and will seek answers...it is the way we are...Our celebrities certainly hope we will leave them alone when their indiscretions are exposed...they ask us to RESPECT their privacy...and tell us it is a failure of perfection (but it isn't)...they, and we, can't have it both ways...all the trappings of celebrity or integrity...the wealth and admiration...and complete indifference to their egotistical self indulgence...The lying is by choice, the philandering is by choice...the unwillingness to live with dignity and decency to those you say you love is by choice...craven, 'want my cake and eat it too' (all puns intended) behavior will, when it comes to light, be fodder for the media and a cautionary tale for us all...If you live your life as if any detail may be made public tomorrow morning you would be better for it...you don't need to be perfect...Tigger may be...but you do owe it to yourself to strive to be decent, at least with your family and your friends...and if you're not...please...expect to be held accountable....Eldrick, shame on you...man up... Remember...love the one's you're with, tell the truth even when it might mean pain...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry TTFN (Ta Ta for now)





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'tis the season...for each and everyone of us...

Last time we spoke of authorities and how fragmented our society has become...today we speak of the universal...goodwill, love, caring for our neighbor and the spirit of the holiday's...everyone may have their own take on just what that is to them...but the winter solstice has long been a time to reflect, a time to gather together and share the harvest that would need to last until the next spring...Joy to the world, never ending light, Peace on earth, are just a few of the universal truths we all embrace...

Winter

"For the illusion that we have not lived in Vain"

Winter begins its journey into seasons less harsh,

fading, passing from the tendrils of cobwebs

created from the long nights and freezing rain.

Ah, gone at last, we seek the renewal of spring

and cherish the buds of our own rebirth;

awakened into a world gone slightly less mad

simply because we can crawl out from under our

heavy coats, our stiff joints and sluggish thoughts.

Summer will yet bring warmth,

welcomed at first, then stifling as we labor,

like penance for the promise of payment,

in fall's gold and yellow endings.

Daze are long and lazy only for the poet;

Soon fall's abundance rests in larders

full of promise for winter

--a time to reflect and see--

has the passing, this time, made a difference?

We remain relentless, as is the folly of wars;

fought by each of us to cast out our daemons,

or by self righteous, patriotic bands of zealots

bent on saving a world whose only curse

is humanities undying need to proclaim...

"Hooray for our side."

Wars rage, men bluster, children cry,

and in the end

there is promise only in the endings

never in the fighting.

Cursed by our need for meaning,

too often, we fail to see

Winter's glory...

May you find peace and love this holiday season...

and appreciate the glory which is YOU....

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