Handling that big issue in your life

If you are anything like me, or most of us for that matter, there are a few things in your life that continue to nag at you...things with which you struggle. Maybe it's not having enough money, or dealing with a parent, or child, or spouse, or maybe it's your weight, or shyness, or anger. whatever it is...it's something that is both familiar and distressing. Isn't it time to let it go? I think so.

You see so many people in the headlines, Brittney, Paris, Lindsey, and scores of others seemingly with everything, but fighting the devils in their own lives. Sometimes it may even be comforting seeing others struggle, but ultimately your problems are still...YOUR PROBLEMS. What makes a problem a problem?

If we could answer that we might be able to understand what the solutions are. If you think your problem is lack of money then getting a pile of money should solve your problem...but most people who gain wealth overnight will tell you it didn't solve their problems. If you are overweight then losing weight will solve your problem...but few people ever find that to be so. If you think the problem is the content of your complaint, i.e. your wife/husband, child, parent, sex, anxiety, depression, phobia, etc. you have committed the most common mistake of all. You have focused on the content and ignored the process. Your chronic problems in life are not people, places and things...they are the processes you use to deal with them. If you are struggling WITH ANYTHING the problem is YOU ARE STRUGGLING!

If you stop struggling you can get on with solving your issues. The problems most of us face are really problems of survival. What that means is the content (spouse, child, weight, etc.) has triggered us into a survival state of consciousness and from that state of consciousness we try to COPE with the situation. Coping is survival and survival will never bring happiness or satisfaction. The highest emotional state when you operate from survival is relief that the threat, pain, or loss is past.

Survival consciousness has three forms of actions you can take, fight/flight, or freeze. Just imagine trying to solve most of the daily problems you face today by running away, or beating them up, or standing like a deer in the headlights. Fight/ flight/freeze will not solve anything when it comes to your child doing drugs, or your spouse cheating on you, or you eating to fill an emptiness of unknown proportions. Fight/flight/freeze will not solve anxiety, or depression, or money problems or better sex. It will not solve an angry boss or menial job, or upset at a friend. Fight/flight/freeze is a reactive portion of our ancient brain intended to keep us alive in the wild and is now the biggest problem we face today when seeking true happiness and success.

If you want to try an experiment look at the problem you consider the most pressing and ask yourself, "If I weren't coping right now, what would I be feeling." (If the answer is 'angry' try again because anger is coping.) You will find that the answer will invariably be; sad, afraid, or pain and each of these has the power to send you into survival consciousness.

When you acknowledge that the problem with which you are dealing is a result of fear, pain, or loss, you can begin the process of letting go of your fear based consciousness and get on with returning to authentic living. I will be going into how a person can do that in future columns, but for now simply acknowledge that the problem you think you are dealing with is not the one you need to solve; and go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and read more about this issue in my new book Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness.

Your life is not about the failures, losses, mistakes, and unhappiness that visit you from time to time...it is all about you overcoming your survival instincts and thriving in a world of your own choosing. Acknowledge your pain, fear and losses; then own them so completely that what is left is nothing but kindness and love for the world around you. Love the ones your with; and then, let them be....Until next time I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry.

Thought for the Day...Accepting life just the way it is, doesn't mean being glad for all the bad things that may happen...it means knowing that life is unfolding perfectly and you and your circumstances are part of that unfolding. Whatever you feel now will inevitably pass and will be replaced with the new miracle of living experiences.

An Action to Take: Today choose one thing that has been troubling you and allow for the possibility that it is perfect just the way it is. Find three or more things about it that will allow you to appreciate this issue as being important and okay in your life. Each time you are reminded of it today say, "Thank you 'universe' for having this in my life." Then allow yourself to feel the feelings of pain, loss, or fear you have stored up around this issue.