Discovering Your Personal Power--Part Two

Hi...thanx for waiting...I talked about personal power in the last blog and I want to continue with that because it is at the foundation of our ability to be happy and satisfied in this life. One of the largest struggles any of us has is with addiction...You don't have addictions? Well, let's take a look and see. We can become addicted to almost anything. We are all familiar with drug and alcohol addictions, and most of us would grant food and sex can be addictive for some; but what about T.V. or games, or sports, or 'danger'? We get addicted to all kinds of activities and substances, chocolate, ice cream, etc. So what?

So what, is so we are no longer the author of our own life. We will rationalize and defend our addictions and swear we 'like' doing them, but the truth is we are their slaves. We will sabotage those we love, spend money and health on them and cut off our nose to spite our face to keep them going. Do you have an addiction? It might be worth exploring because the addictive aspect is being lost in your auto/protector and 'using' the addiction to avoid some important aspect of your life.

If you can see it (and believe me that is a big if) you can release from it and take back your personal power. In some cases you will need a 'program' or coach or guide to help you. Often you will need the support of your family and certainly you will need your willingness to face the addictive quality of the behavior.

Live free of your addictions and be watchful you don't replace one with another. Stay connected to people who ARE NOT associated with your addiction. Seek surrender, and personal honesty...tell the truth...and in this case at least, IT WILL SET YOU FREE! You are a child of the universe, you belong here, it is a benevolent place for you to be...find where those things are true for you and love the ones you're with...until next time I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Releasing from addiction can seem like a nightmare, but it is a dream come true...hold on to that piece of wisdom and take actions to achieve freedom...you will be forever rewarded.

An Action YOU can Take...as part of your self assessment ask others if they see you as addicted to anything...tell them you would really like their opinion and the harder it is to listen will guide you to the truth.
,



Free Counter

Discovering Your Personal Power

Most of the problems we have are an issue of our own personal power. If you were omnipotent (all powerful) whatever was bothering you would be 'no problem' at all. You would change it, fix it, make it disappear, turn it to your advantage...but you're not omnipotent and your issues persist.

The serenity prayer attempts to deal with this dilemma by giving you some 'very' sage advice: "Change what you can, accept what you can't and know the difference between the two..." (Sorry for the editing), but we often fail to heed this advice often on all three counts...we don't see all we can really do, or act on it; we don't have a clue what is intractable and unchangeable, and get down right 'pissed' that it ain't goin' our way; and we generally make no distinction at all between the two and fight every battle winnable or not.

What I think we need are some further guidelines. If you are going to be happy, if you are going to feel good, if you are going to have success and if you are going to experience great self esteem; you are going to have to experience your personal power. So, what are you more powerful and successful at doing: getting someone to do what you want or helping them get what they want; getting someone to listen to you or listening to them; wanting what you don't have or embracing what you do have; demanding that things change or accepting that things are what they are and will inevitably change in the fullness of time?

When you feel frustrated over any situation, or you are distressed about any circumstance; stop, take a moment to review the above and see how you can apply the winning strategies. Find out what others REALLY want, listen, embrace the good in them and accept that the change you are seeking will only occur when this person can be okay with you either way. This last part is the hardest, but who said you can't do hard things?

next time we will look at applying these things to yourself...breaking the cycle of addictions we all have to our failures and tearing down our self esteem by failing to live "up to" every one's expectations...especially our own...until then, love the ones you're with and find and be sure that includes YOU...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Your pain is a reflection of your perceived ineffectiveness...It is a lie. YOU are perfectly effective and perfectly capable of being the whole, loving and cherished being we all appreciate.

An Action you can Take...Whatever 'bugs' you, stop, breathe, and release. Feel your feelings and own them as your reaction, not as 'caused by the person, event, or circumstance'; but as the natural reaction of 'you' the auto/protector, trying to save your life. Own this and you will be one step closer to taking 'real' control over your life.







Free Counter

Is today Paradise?

What will today bring? Will you be happy, sad, irritated, frustrated, frazzled, excited or thrilled? Perhaps, all of the above. If you have a lot of different thoughts, experiences, feelings and attitudes...good for you. Sometimes, though, people get stuck in the same old rut, doing the same old things, feeling the same old feelings and they forget that today is Paradise.

We look out at the world and see all the vastness and all the people and sometimes we feel alone...but we are not alone. We are in this together; all four billion of us. We delude ourselves into thinking we are not one tribe. We look at petty differences, language, race, culture and location (petty?) and think that makes us different...it doesn't. Everyone here is here with you this minute, this moment...what you do, every action you take makes a difference.

If you take a moment and realize you are part of this amazing crazy quilt world and every small act of kindness is multiplied endlessly, you will be amazed at the sense of belonging you can muster. You may wonder if that is so, then is the corollary also true; if we do some injury is that multiplied endlessly? Well, let's take a look.

If you do an unexpected kindness what are the feelings engendered? Goodwill, gratitude, generosity, openness, pleasure and more begin to drive the energy of both you and those around you. What are the feelings generated by some bit of nastiness? Withdrawal, anger, distress, upset, sadness and, of course, revenge drive us and those around us. Which do you think has the most influence on us? If you think it is revenge, think again.

We all seek pleasure and well being. We respond to goodwill, kindness and love far more powerfully than the negative emotions of our fight/flight/freeze personality. Ice cream will always win over Castor oil and your little acts of kindness will always succeed over the meanness that thrives in our world only out of our fear to be generous.

Today is Paradise on earth for you and everyone you come in contact with if you chose to allow it. Go out today and discover for yourself what a beautiful world this really is...allow it to be your canvas; make the choice to love the ones you're with and surrender to the light of your Authentic Self...until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: You always have a choice, COPE or feel your authentic feelings. If you choose the former you will bring pain to yourself if the latter you will experience your life and joy will never be far away.

An Action YOU can Take...After reading this take a moment to allow it to settle in, and then go forth with the intention to find some small act of kindness that you can do with the next half dozen people you meet...maybe an unexpected smile and nod, or a heartfelt how are you, or just a kind word or gesture, but do it for every single person you see and then reflect...are you a little closer to Paradise?






Free Counter

Do You Have Faith?

Uh, oh...is this going to be a religious tract? I think not. Faith is not dogma, nor is it the exclusive property of one religion. Faith is a very real process available to anyone, atheist, agnostic, Christian, Muslim, Jew, or YOU. What you chose to have faith 'in' is up to you...that you engage the activity of faith can be curative.

When you lose faith what remains; and empty shell, a vacant stare, a hopelessness? No, when you lose faith what remains is 'you'...the little you struggling for survival. When you lose faith in your dreams, in your happiness, in the goodness of your children, spouse, parents, co-workers, friends and especially in yourself, what remains, is your hard scrabble life of bickering, misunderstanding, anger, hurt, victim hood and grief.

Faith is the mental process, available to your Authentic Self, that allows YOU to see past the transient upsets, dislikes, and fear based reactions of yourself and others. Faith will allow you to lose weight, or break an addiction, or heal a relationship, or overcome emotional distress or surrender your desperation. Faith will allow you to 'heal' your dis-ease.

If you ask 'faith in what' you have missed the point. Faith is the authentic experience of wholeness, peace, acceptance and possibilities in the here and NOW. Surrender is the path to faith and the path to release from the grind of daily worries, failures, and unhappiness that dot the lives of too many of us.

When you can say, "I do not know how this will work out; I do not know how I will accomplish this; I do not know how to correct this; I do not know how to be at peace with this...and I have faith that my 'knowing how' is not important...", YOU have taken the first step in your journey of achieving true success and happiness. When you cease to manage and manipulate your life and those around you, you give space for your Authentic spirit to emerge and new experiences to present themselves.

If you remain stuck in survival, no matter what the issue is, you will never truly be happy. If you have faith, that 'this too shall pass' and that 'your life is perfect right now', you begin to open the door to real freedom of experience. When you see the patterns of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in your life as a reflection of your own fear; and you can allow for your faith in the possibilities of things being both exactly as they are, AND truly different, you are on the path to a new adventure.

Faith defies your survival logic. Faith defies your urges and NEEDS. Faith defies your certainty and self righteousness. Faith is the experience of loving the ones you're with and surrendering to the light of your essential goodness...right NOW...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: 'you' is in pain and needs to fight or run...cherish that and remember it is not YOU that is trapped in the struggle. YOU are okay, YOU are able and capable and whole and have survived...when 'you' is ready, YOU will emerge...your love will make it so.

An Action you can Take...Stop, relax, listen to the sounds around you...breathe, open yourself up to your emotions...notice, allow, embrace your fear, pain and loss by knowing it is in the past and your present is NOW and 'you' is safe. Let the fear and pain be and focus on your breath...the subtle sounds...the smells, and sensations of your body...notice that YOU are not any of these things...YOU are the essence that is experiencing them all.




Free Counter

Blindness is not simply a matter of Eyesight

With what do you struggle? Are you unhappy with your self; weight, job, habits, addiction, emotions...what? Are your relationships less than fulfilling, or are your kids not doing what they should? Do you struggle with money, or sex? What is keeping you from really living the life you always hoped and dreamed was possible--could it be blindness?

Yes, not only could it be, it probably is! Humans (that means you and me) have a special part of their brain that allows them to act in the face of pain, fear and loss. This level of consciousness creates enormous blind spots for people trying to navigate today's modern world. If you are struggling with any chronically unresolved issue...you too, have a gaping blind spot that is keeping you struck in this unresolved, repetitious, life script.

If you are finally tired of beating your head against the wall you might consider getting some assistance in 'seeing' where your blind spots are and releasing back into your Authentic Self.

If your consciousness is spinning the same old stories you need an assist from a consciousness that is not bogged down in the same script. That means getting a life coach who is capable of stepping far enough back to 'see' what it is that your auto/protector doesn't want you or anyone else to see...BUT, (and here comes the hard part) you have to be willing to empower your coach to look in those corners and you have to be willing to relinquish your fight/flight/freeze control enough for your coach to do his/her job.

That's where, "are you tired enough" comes in...Are you tired enough of your 'racket' to take the definitive step to let it go? You are not the victim, you are not helpless, you are not hopeless, you are not at your wits end and you are not incapable of solving ANY of the issues facing you...but you are stuck in fight/flight/freeze consciousness and you will need to let the light of another human 'Authentic Consciousness' shine in that darkness.

Find a Life Coach today and begin to unravel the string that is so tightly wound around the struggle you call 'your life'. Love the ones you're with and let the good times role...Until next time...I remain, respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Struggle and stress are sometimes useful, but they are never chronically useful.

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a familiar upset/irritation...stop, breathe and then say, " Help, I need a new story to deal with this situation." Say it to yourself if it's about your self image, or your spouse, child, boss, friend, or whomever...say it and mean it and ask for their input (or guidance from your inner guide)...see if you get a new perspective...you might be surprised.




Free Counter

Why should you Seek Life Coaching?

Why indeed? Not a simple answer. 'YOU' needs nothing; 'you' needs the support of another untriggered consciousness in order to 'come down' from the survival drives and urges running and ruining your life. 'YOU' is not always in control of your life; 'you' takes over in times of stress, loss, fear and pain and that shift of your conscious mind can become chronic in today's world.

When you try to deal with life problems you are naturally driven to fight/flight/freeze options and that just isn't good enough to solve the issues with which most of us cope. Having someone that you can trust and rely on to allow you to surrender control and open the space for YOU to re-emerge is an absolute necessity for dealing with any of the chronic problems we face today.

It can be mind bending to appreciate that 'YOU' is not 'you'. The 'I' you use when referring to yourself is sometimes 'i'. This is not simply rhetoric, it is a fact of your self conscious awareness. When you say, "I am sick and tired of your blah, blah, blah..." you are not refering to the same self conscious being that says, "I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to hurt you and blame you, or judge you that way. I was just upset and scared at the time and I let myself speak my frustration." Speaking your frustration is another way of saying the 'little you' was in charge of your actions. YOU are not your fight/flight/freeze coping reactions; they are the exclusive province of your auto/protector self. (The little you or 'i').

When you are stuck in the same feelings, life situations, emotions, or distress 'you' NEEDS a life coach. It may be your therapist, or pastor/priest, or someone you know as wise and trustworthy, but whomever you choose you need to access their Authentic Self and see through their eyes 'you' and 'YOU' so that you might be reminded of who 'YOU' really is. (I know very strange grammer). In order for YOU to re-emerge the little you must lessen its grip and the only way to do that is to find a safe enough environment for YOU to see the bigger picture.

Find a life coach today and begin your journey to a happier, more rewarding life. Learn to see for yourself the power your auto/protector has in keeping you from having the things you truly seek. If you struggle with body image, emotions, jobs, kids, relationships, career or "mental health" issues, chances are you are struggling with issues of fight/flight/freeze...go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and read more about this. Until next time, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: 'YOU' is love, compassion, curiosity, imagination, kindness, generosity and productivity. If these are not the things of your life everyday and in every way 'you' is taking up too much of your time.

An Action YOU can Take...Take a moment to assess your life...write down the complaints you have and notice how distressed you are when dealing with these issues. Step back and breathe...then see if you are ready to give up your distress. If 'yes' then do so; if 'no' then contact someone who can help 'you' discover the road to freedom and peace of mind.

Being Happy

What do you need right NOW to be happy? You may have a list or you may have just one thing, "...that if you had it you could be happy!" So, go ahead make that list and then evaluate your life and add anything you think might need to be added for your life to be happy. Be sure to look at every aspect of your life, relationships, family, kids, finances, sex, money, body image, self esteem, personality, emotional well being, spirituality, time off, friends, mental health, habits, addictions, phobias, jobs, skills, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....

What is holding you back from being the happiest person alive? Find out, and then we'll correct it and you will get to be happy...isn't that great? Oops, don't believe me do you. You're unhappy about, "whatever you're unhappy about", and no amount of blogging is going to do anything at all about that. Right? Only if you say so! and if you're unhappy you do, "say SO!"

What makes you happy? Lots of things, I know...but what really, really, really would make you absolutely happy? Not sure? Nothing? Great, you win the Kewpie doll...NOTHING will make you happy and nothing ever has...You chose to be happy whenever you chose to...nothing else matters. You get to be happy when you say, "gosh, I feel happy..." and nothing has to change except your willingness to declare your own happiness. So, let's get started on you. Let's find out what's keeping you from choosing to declare your own happiness. What is stopping you from being happy right NOW...nothing but your belief in and your unwillingness to complete your grieving of the fear and pain of your past or the expectations of it in your future...Be happy...choose happy...choose well being and when your fear based mind starts explaining, "WHY" that is not wise for you...make a few notes and begin to appreciate that nothing but your unwillingness to grieve and let go stands between you and being happy. It's not easy being happy; you have to let go of your determination to fix things change things, or overcome things...you have to grieve the loss...and your survival mind won't let you do that...(it always says, "what would happen if I just let you be happy with THIS or THAT issue in our lives...it would be just like giving up and 'i' won't let you do that.")

If you find that you are stuck...get help...get unstuck by working with a life coach of your choosing and discover the traps your auto/protector has set for you to remain unhappy and unsatisfied. Life is full of trials and tribulations, but that is still no reason to be unhappy...if you are chronically unhappy you are trapped by your survival consciousness and it is unnecessary and surely unwelcome...find the light and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Being sad doesn't mean you aren't a happy person and being upset doesn't mean you aren't okay. These things are temporal reactions to external circumstances and so long as you allow them to pass on you will remain full of joy and well being.

An Action YOU can Take...discover the source of your chronic unhappiness and dissatisfaction by doing the suggested exercises...then take some time to allow these struggles to release...and breathe...breathe until you can face the situations with a sense of humor and peace of mind that allows for the circumstance to exist or pass without your needing it to be different...that you want it to be different is fine, that you need it to be is the source of your misery.




Free Counter