Perspectives on Living

Being, Doing, Having in Your Life

2011-07-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

...there are many paths to travel, but always, it is a question of who will be traveling them...when we get triggered by life we lose the ability to choose...we become feral by nature and we slip seamlessly into our survival personae...from there most of life is lead to no particular benefit....

Is that true? Do you and I get triggered by circumstance, loss, fear and pain? I know the answer for me is a resounding yes; and when that happens, and it does more often than I would care to admit, I am miles from a place that would allow me to find peace and well being...I lose the ability to live and let live, I become strident or uncommunicative and most of all I become right, or wrong, without any ground in between.

If you want to solve an issue in your life, in my experience, you must first be willing to surrender your willfulness, righteousness, helplessness, hopelessness and victimhood...these are the playground of the terminally triggered people of the world...this is the place of war, poverty, self absorption and intractability...survival is not a place of living...it is a place of desperation.

If you have a war in your life, or an intractable issue, no matter its nature...trust me when I tell you with all kindness, YOU ARE TRIGGERED....

This is not a bad thing...it is, however, a place where you will find no peace...you are not this little "you", except as you believe that to be true..."you" (small letters) is the personae of the triggered being; and your path of peace lies in your willingness to surrender this little "you" and discover the miracle of the "YOU" of your Authentic Being.

It starts with trusting that no good will come from being triggered and no lasting solution will be found in fight/flight/freeze reactions...YOU is waiting for "you" to allow it to reemerge and you/YOU is only a moment of release away....

Try it next time you feel like shouting, or hiding, or feeling hurt, lost or helpless and you may be amazed at what world awaits you...our leaders could use a time out, and with it a new will of co-operation, but rather than wait for them, let's just take the time ourselves and release...we belong here, this is our time, life is good in spite of any circumstance that seeks to say something to the contrary...live well, cry freely, relax, know of your strength and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Allowing Love...Revisited...

2011-05-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

...Allowing...allowing...not the stuff of a go getter, high achiever, money maker, firebrand politician, or even a good C.E.O., Parent, Doctor, Lawyer or, ... YOU???? Me????

We gentle a bit as the years past, well, some do, many might decide that what is really going on, is that we "settle"...settle for what as kids would nearly kill us...and some of us do just that...but, is that what it is I wish to speak of, this "Allowing thing" I'm sharing about today, is it just some rationalization to 'be', 'do', 'have' less than is possible? I don't think so, I think it's the path to discovery, peace of mind, well being, and co-operative life on a shared planet.

When I find myself drifting away from allowing life to unfold, (that 'drifting' may actually look like careening out of control down the highways of my life), I sometimes FEEL like things are more in control, managed, and SAFER...but I've never found, upon retrospect that, that was truly so with any aspect of life or real achievement. Short term gains sometimes seem necessary, and perhaps they are, but this 'short term gain' thing is not the rare exception in human endeavor (and especially the human endeavor of most of us here in America) it is the rule of thumb that is undercutting us as individuals, villages, towns, cities, states, and nations...too much doing, driving, forcing...making happen...not enough "allowing".

I'll make it simple...it's true for me, and I know from simple observation how true it is for each person I see struggling with life at any level. Parenting isn't hard...teaching isn't hard, having quality partnerships, rewarding careers, good emotional balance, easily available effective health care for the entire community, strong non threatening, non-limiting faith, and cleaner more healthful air is not the stuff of Titans...It is the stuff of allowing....

I know this to be true...not theoretically, but practically, when people stop pushing, driving, fearing, forcing...demanding, and TRYING...things begin to work...I can promise you that...really....We can have our basic needs met and our health system in order, and productive service (also known as jobs) available to any who wish to participate...we can have good social order and deep rewarding personal lives, daily, weekly, monthly...we can...and I promise that this is not just silly nonsense...really....

Now, I know, who am I, and why should anyone listen to this???...these issues are just too important to play nambie, pambie, Pollyanna games with...we can't just stick our head in the ground and wait for nirvana...well, wait...haven't we tried it the other way long enough? Is the air clean, roads safe, are the systems functioning so highly above expectations????? And most importantly for all, are you fully engaged in productive service within your community that seems to have eliminated the destructive power of our financial and social meltdown? Is satisfaction running so high, debt load so low, and well being pouring out of so many places that we can't stop just for a moment to pause....

Try it...today...just stop...relax...gentle a bit, then discover what is, right there in front of you, relax, let go of your judgement and BE...Be with what is until you can allow it to be, and love it to be, just as it is...just what it is, "in the service of you and all about you"...relax, this too shall pass, life can recover, lives can be spared, joy can abound...you are a child of this universe, "allow it"...it is immense, and waiting for you to emerge from the driven concerns of a too stressful life...be well, cry freely, live with grace for yourself and all that share the journey with you...allowing love in your life is allowing life in your love...thanks for looking in...until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Today and Everyday

2011-04-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've struggled some this past year, a culmination of just the right amount of illness, loss of income and dealing with all that entails in this world of ours. I have passed through some places I've never imagined I would travel...and handled it worse than I thought possible...I feel beat up, beat down and bedraggled...and sometimes those are my good days...I don't know why I am telling you this and that is the best news I've had today...I don't know why....

All of my struggles come down to one thing...trying to manage life, or said in other ways "Coping"...I've been "Coping"...how often we think of coping as a good thing...but my experience tells me otherwise...not just mine, but all the clients I've had through all the years of my practice. If you're struggling to answer "WHY QUESTIONS", you're coping, and you're triggered and if you're triggered you've fallen from the one place that, can and will, offer you comfort and real healing...TODAY....

Everyday is today...it is all that any of us have and certainly all that I have. Today, I write to you, to remind myself that, today, I am in the best place I've ever been in in my life, not only do I have my health, but I have a strong financial position, better friends than ever I knew was possible, opportunities just awaiting my willingness to go forth and...today is the best day of my life. (That wasn't what I thought as I began to write, it is simply what I found, as the words came forth.)

They say you teach what you need to learn and no doubt that is true of me...I know some of you struggle, find frustration, feel bedraggled and I want you to know that, that was and is because of 'yesterday and tomorrow', not today and everyday...for today and everyday, I am fine, I choose it; until I forget who I am, and then I worry about yesterday and tomorrow and never even check in with today....

Thank you for your patience, it's been quite some time since we've spoken...but you we're never far from my thoughts and until I was willing to be here with you today...without knowing why, I made up that I did not wish to burden you or me with yesterday and tomorrow...be well, breathe, cry, play, jump for joy, (never did know quite who Joy was), never answer 'WHY QUESTIONS' and remember you too are a child of the universe, you belong here, you make a difference, you are loved and cherished and it has always been so...so, love the one's you're with and I shall be sharing with you soon, with much gratitude and respect, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Be, Do, Have

2010-08-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

You know, human beings have two very distinct operating systems. History has been full of references to this phenomenon, mind/body dichotomy, good and evil, heaven and hell...but it is far more personal than that. Each of us, individually, have two very distinct operating systems; and it really is what makes our world go round....

...the second operating system we might call grazing...it is an amazingly unique system developed only after we grew some very large frontal lobes...the Neo-cortex is its home...this operating system allows us to be human beings...it generates our curiosity, imagination, creativity, and allows us to be compassionate, kind, thoughtful, giving, co-operative even when it doesn't serve some personal need...and loving...this operating system allows us to listen, without forming a counter opinion, be concerned for others even when we are being berated by them, be willing to sacrifice gain today for the good of tomorrow, form consensus and experience fulfillment in service...it allows us to turn the other cheek...it is an amazing advance of consciousness unseen in a world before Homo, Sapiens, Sapiens...we've all experienced this operating system...we know its true...we've seen it in operation and been its author....

...then there is the first operating system, its home is the Amygdala and core brain...it has access to most of mental capacities of Homo, Sapiens and it is probably best described as your survival system...it has one of the most sophisticated fight, flight, freeze mechanisms in the world and it is capable of amazing feats of physical and mental manipulations that allow us to be the most adaptable species on the planet...It has fantastic tool making capacity, cunning, deception, misdirection, and insight into the workings of things...it is a human doing at an incredible pace...it sees things in black and white, good or bad, in or out; and you couldn't have a better ally in a fox hole...it is your best defense because it can create a defense for just about anything...none of us would even be here without it....

The operating systems are hierarchical, if survival SEEMS to be at stake you will be using your survival operating system...and when things are safe enough you will have access to your gazing system...I call these two systems the auto/protector self and the Authentic Self...but that's probably wrong, because it makes one seem better than the other...and they are not...each has its place and that is the point of this blog....

When things are really dangerous to life, it is a good idea to use your auto/protector operating system...But, and here's the rub, most of the time, in today's world, things are safe, but the auto/protector is the system we use to determine whether it's safe or not...and invariably it's answer is (just to be on the safe side) NO...it leads us to determine that that new group is dangerous, or these circumstances are risky, or supporting our opponent is wrong, or that stocking up for our side is best, that other's ideas are dangerous and strong defenses are never strong enough...it sees the boogie man in every corner and it makes it damn hard for any of us to find our other operating system....

We have two operating systems and too few of us, too little of the time, use both in a balanced way...when 9-11 happened I wanted to nuke everybody involved, or supportive of it...("auto/Protector")...that never can work, never will work...doesn't matter, I wanted to do it anyway...and that's the thing about our two systems, one of them could make things a lot better for all of us, and one of them only wants to make it better for ME...Obama may not be your cup of tea, but we could make him the best president ever if we chose...yes, if he wanted to start another war, we might have to think twice about that, but we can help anyone be better by being better ourselves....

If you could use your Authentic Self system...it would easily see that sacrifice of the immediate gain was a good thing, it would give whoever is president a helpful hand and pose concerns as thoughtful possibilities, but it is seldom allowed to play in today's world, because we all think survival is more important than living...maybe it is, I don't know...but it's not what I'm hoping for...what I'm hoping for is that you will stop and look and think...is this my grazing self or my protective self (and maybe, "is that their protective self or thoughtful self) maybe even review the above definitions to help you decide if the people you listen to deserve your adherence/agreement (auto/protector), or compassion/thoughtful understanding of their being in survival (Authentic Self)...it's actually easy to spot survival, when you let go of survival...and then asked, "If I don't declare it safe...then who..." This is not about who is right or wrong it is about who is willing to use their Authentic operating system when everything and everyone else is telling them not to...turn the other cheek, give up today's gain for tomorrow's promise, help someone other than yourself by knowing that truly is in service to you, wake up from the nightmare of bully pulpits, greed, (self possession/absorption/aggrandizement), need, and fear...be a light, no matter how small or dim, that welcomes all who need your love...give freely of yourself and do so especially when you don't think you can...this is not about, 'US or THEM'...we are all US...THERE IS NO THEM...I know you are doing a grand job of this, but it helps me to say these things, so that at least I am reminded...love the ones you're with and those who may come to view, cry freely, be generous, gentle and in love with the possibilities...give grace to those you disagree with and enjoy...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Hope is not your friend...(unless she is...)

2010-08-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

We're all about HOPE, aren't we...as well we should be...hope, sometimes seems to be all we have and without it one can only imagine the despair waiting to claim so many of our lives...I hope you feel better; or I hope I feel better; I hope the economy improves, or your trip goes well, or your dreams come true...or mine do...We hope all the time...and it seems we would be lost without it...and that's just what THEY are counting on....

My wife saw a story recently about a woman who really wanted to develop cosmetics that would be great for a person's skin and make a difference, so she went to work for a cosmetic company that touted the quality of their product..on her first day of work she was pulled aside and told, "The first thing you have to understand is, forget what's in the bottle, we are selling hope..." hope is what sells, not product...she quit the next day...most of us can't afford to quit when we discover our employers are stretching the truth or asking us to do things that we know are wrong...we hope it will get better or they will see the light...but we have bills to pay....

...at Ford, "Quality is job one"...this ad ran when Ford was near the bottom of the heap in manufacturing a quality product...J D Powers has refined the process of, "...becoming intimately familiar with consumer decision-making habits and perceptions..." and your perceptions and habits are intricately tied to your hopes....

I hope you are having a good day...but much more to the point, I hope (perhaps pray that) you will stop hoping, take a breath, have a good stretch (yoga is wonderful) and look...be present...you are alive and are faced with whatever conditions you are faced with...they will pass in time whether you do something about it or not, but not necessarily to your betterment...hoping will not make it better...but being present to it may allow you to discover what will...ignore the hype as best you can, seek solace in peace, harmony, and goodwill...help those you can, including yourself, cry freely when you can't, seek warmth when you are cold and cool streams when it is warm...be available to witness life (no need for hope); and with as much courage as possible...tell the truth...learn to play (even with the silly hype), don't take things too seriously, be gentle and as happy as you can be, given the circumstances...but never forget...this too shall pass and in the fullness of time it is only your love that will make a difference, not your hope, for the good in all of us is our being...and when your actions come from being-ness you won't need to hope for the best...you will be the best and are the best...until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Who is Important?

2010-08-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

You know who's important...you see them in the paper, Paris, Brittney, Lindsey...Or maybe Clinton, or Bush...maybe Rush, or O'Reilly...Obama??? not so much...but BP, yep, and don't forget AIG they're too big to fail...Lots and lots of important folks...Tiger, and any news maker of the day...Important....

Everybody with a platform is important...oooooouuu...this is my platform...I must be important...Not so much...too small...too, too, too...nothing...but B of A is important, and everyone speaking on behalf of a country is important...or are they???

You know, it may seem incredibly impossible but you are important, far more important that everyone listed so far...in a world of human beings, you are doing well in the "being" part of that equation...the world of human doings??? maybe not so much...but the human doings right now are not "doing" such a bang up job....

Ever stop to think that amassing a few billion dollars like Billy Gates is not such a grand thing...when the Pharaohs got a few hundred thousand of us to build their coffin...did that make them important...history thinks so...and therefore, too often, so do we...but the Pharaohs were part of the problem not part of the solution...and so are almost all of the important people the media write about today...

Mel Gibson is not important, the stockholders are not important, any government official...is definitely not important...the only people who are important are the people who don't think so and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things better for everyone else....

We live in a village, a small village on a little round ball hurtling madly through space...we are one people and one group, with each individual having the same needs (needs are things that, without them, you would die, or be severely restricted) and mostly the same wants...sure some want red cars and some want green and some want no cars at all, but wants are only relevant when we make sure everyone gets what they need...If our leaders are focused on that...well done...if not...then 'we'...the important ones, need to stand up and point out who isn't getting what they need....

I'll bet you are doing a good job of that, but few listen and even fewer act...the privileged of this world want their life back too...and everyone of them is very busy pretending that working overtime to keep "what is theirs and yours" and "getting more for me not us," is the order of the day...It isn't, but that seems to go unheard...Wells Fargo just said that the customers want them to structure the overdrafts in such a way that they make another 1.4 billion dollars...is that what you told them???, because I didn't...I don't want them taking twice what is owed...and I'm just going to take a wild guess that you don't either...Years ago when Maxwell House quietly reduced the pound of coffee to twelve ounces without changing the can size, they said it was in response to what their customers wanted???? To pay more for less and not be told about it???? really???

We are in the age of rationalization...you know...that thing we all do when we don't want reality to intrude...the world could certainly use a few of us to point out when big business and government rationalize their behavior in order to protect themselves at your expense...and believe me fox news isn't one of these or msnbc...Pundits almost never come from the heart....

I know...no use fighting city hall...and yet...what else we got to do, anyway...Oh yeah, live our life...well good idea...live away, but once in a while when someone tells you that you want to pay them an obscene profit for health care, or pay more for less, or ignore how they are gouging or cheating you, speak up...and speak out, anyway you can...it's not so hard, be careful, though, it's never about institutions, it's only about YOU, the real you, the one who knows that the golden rule really is the way to live...YOU are the important one, because YOU knows that everyone is on this ride together...if it's really good for YOU, it will really be good for everyone; and if it isn't, then it isn't ...no more rationalizations...is it in service, or not...is it something you would want done to and for your mother, or not...is it decent, by any definition or not...and most of all, do you have any clue what is your fair share???

It ain't 200 million dollars, or 9 million dollar bonuses...let's get everyone with more than 15 million dollars together and have them live and work in the Sudan...bet it wouldn't take long for that mess to stop....

Well, rant is over...gotta get back to smilin' and seein' what is needed; and tryin' my best to be even one half as good as the rest of you...I love you guys, those who read this, and you've always been a step or two ahead...so, love the ones you're with, cry when you need to, be well, live with peace, go gently into your lives and celebrate the little things...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Breakdown before Breakthru

2010-08-05T07:17:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be good...to do well...to be successful...and sometimes I was, but sometimes, when I most wanted it...I wasn't...and then...I pushed. Seems like we all struggle sometimes, if not with career, then with relationships, or parenting, or self image...sometimes we have daemons, or phobias, or personality quirks that we deem, (or THEY deem) unacceptable, and we want to change...I sometimes fail to live up to what I think is acceptable behavior and then...(wait for it)...I fail again....

That's when I go into overdrive...I will fix this...problem, flaw, failure, wrongness...and lo and behold...I don't.... Maybe it's different for you, I don't know, but my experience tells me most of us have some quirks or issues that seem to resist our best efforts to correct...that's when, after exhaustive struggle I quit, or my body quits and my mind fails and I go into complete breakdown...that happened the other day, (not that that is all that unusual) and once again I was reminded that there is often no progress until real and total failure occurs....

I lose my way and seem to only find it when I quit trying to find it...If you look at it for a moment it seems clear...you can't really lose your way, you are your way, pretending to not know who and what you are, simply requires you to quit pretending...for me that means breakdown, collapse, letting go, crying...accepting at the most profound level of acceptance...mostly we (our auto/protector) doesn't want to do that (stop, that is)...DOING demands that we act...fix...make better; not stop and be...but stop and be is what it's really all about and I was reminded of this and now I am reminding you...(Maybe only so I will get it).

Be well, cry when you need to, slay as many dragons as you please, but when they get too much, stop, pray in anyway you see fit, that allows you total surrender and trust...trust that you are love, and joy, and peace and well being, because you are...be the center of your universe...witness the passings and miracle of being sentient; love the ones you're with and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Paradox, Uncertainty and contradiction: The Road to Wisdom

2010-07-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

I was about twenty when I read that, "...being comfortable with paradox was the sign of wisdom...." I immediately recognized it as true, in the way a person does deep in their soul, because, along with it I knew, in exactly that same way, I had no tolerance, at all, for paradox.... I wanted answers...things are either right or wrong, good or bad, up or down...not both, or either or neither...I wanted to do good and vanquish the bad and reality kept slipping me a 'mickey'...but no matter how I tried to resist it...paradox, was and is the way to wisdom....

The truth of that can not be more obvious for most of us as we travel through the maze of our daily lives...'one size fits all' health care is a boondoggle...'one size fits all' financial practices, either with credit or banking, or the economy at large, plagues us...and trying to decide how to traverse the personal issues of our relationships; spouses, kids, bosses, co-workers, BFF's; and including our relationship with the earth, is ...full of...filled...with adversarial dynamics...we often fall into the trap of living our nightmares and calling it life; and yet, seeking counsel often seems hopeless....

We do our best...sometimes we speak up sometimes we shut up...often neither position makes us really happy and that is the point...learning to be at peace with choices, that at best may be imperfect, is hard...learning to tell the difference between not saying something because you're too worried about how it will come off and not saying something because in your best estimate it is the kind, compassionate and loving way...can be tricky under the best circumstances and way over the top when you are triggered by life's challenges...do seek out life coaches and know at the same time it is an act of wisdom to discover how to both use and discard their support....

For myself I can't survive without checking in with my guides when life gets too full of distress...and each time, what they help me do, is take a moment to step back and ask myself how sure am I, that what I'm thinking is, either 'really right', or 'really wrong'...and if the answer is I'm certain...I stop, back off, relax and look for the ambiguity...and then only after I see the paradox, the possibility of both sides being either right, or wrong, do I act...with the complete assurance that I don't really know and that I hope my choice is guided with compassion, and appreciation, and respect, for the struggles others who may oppose me are faced with...I strive to 'choose' instead of 'decide' and I strive to give the devil her due (can't always be a guy)....

Be well, live with passion, cry freely, laugh a lot, love the ones you're with and the ones you're not, when in doubt, wonder just a little if you've been blessed with a moment of true wisdom; and never forget to discover your compassion for each child who travels this path with you...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Goals and Intentions

2010-06-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

Good morning...(see that was my intention)...to wish each and every one of you a good morning...(unstoppable, this intention thing)...for me this morning, a little overcast, very quiet...still...except for the bunny slowly hopping about, outside my front window...it seems exquisite to me...and I so want to share that with you...good morning...I want to share...(an intention)...also, I want to share with 'everyone' who is needing a little cheering up...(a goal...most stoppable)...I wish I could share this with everyone who needed to hear it...(a goal and intention all mished together)...I do wish that, and what is within my grasp is to wish you, whoever chooses to read this...a good morning...I will certainly find some other avenues, as well, today, because that is my intention...but I may not reach everyone, not bad, but short of the goal....

Sometimes when we have grand intentions they come with goals...I do that endlessly...the intention is within our grasp and the goal is something yet to be achieved...not so bad...sometimes...and devastating other times...having goals can be a two edged sword...It can lead to great achievements, or it can become the feeding ground that can turn lovely intentions into driven and hopeless needs, fristrations, upsets....

I have an intention and a goal, to reach everyone who needs it, whether they know it or not, with the message of the Core Paradigm...I think it may be best if I simply leave it as an intention...the Core Paradigm is simple, human beings become human doings when they get triggered by life...a trigger is anything in someones life that 'they perceive' as dangerous, painful or creating loss...in other words most everything in life....

Human Doings are driven by the human version of fight/flight/freeze...they are reactive, self possessed, driven, determined, dynamos of capitalism, and just about every human excess can be laid at their feet...some of these things seem good, others, not so good...Human Doings have goals and are often, very good at getting them, others, not so good...Human Doings are "either/or" kinda people, you either with'em or agin'em...seems like they make the world go round...and yes, mostly that's true....

Human Beings, emerge when it is safe enough for us, any of us, to take the time to smell the flowers...Human Beings, have intentions...they are curious, compassionate, kind, loving and generous...they look for ways for everyone in the village to share what resources are available...they give of themselves and support others to do the same...their intentions are unlimited and they're the people we gravitate to when we stop being our own human doing...as you might suspect, Human Beings and Human Doings are one in the same people...they are US....

I want people to know, that the driven nature of life is the fight/flight/freeze nature of Human Beings...I don't want to make it wrong...it's not...I want people to know that at times it can be excessive and unproductive and turn to greed and other misguided behavior...it is what leads many into depression, anxiety, frustration, rage and self loathing...I want them to know it is not an issue of mental health, but an issue of being afraid too much of the time...and I want to share that with everybody...in the hope and promise, that this knowledge can and will bring more sanity to our human interaction....

...any time a human doing returns to a Human Being, you can bet the dialogue will improve...Human Beings will solve the Palestinian thing, human doings will continue to hold their ground...Human Beings will stop focusing on greed and begin to serve the public, with whatever endeavor they are engaged in...human doings will bleed it dry...I want everyone to know it doesn't have to be this way, and they don't have to be in so much pain...but I guess that ain't goin' to happen.

...so I want to share it with you and whomever you see fit to share it with...that is what this blog is all about...to bring the message of the Core Paradigm to as many people who will have it...It has helped me, it has helped my family, it has helped my clients and perhaps has helped you as you have read these pages...I'm afraid, often, that this is not enough, it isn't good enough, but it is....

We, all of us, see the effects of too much Human Doings going on in the world...Human beings, don't have trouble getting along with each other, Human doings, do...human beings don't turn their nests (Places where they and others live and frolic) into gooey messes, Human Doings, do...Human Beings don't need to live on the brink of annihilation...apparently, Human Doings, do....

Remember, you are first and foremost, a human being, yes, you can be a human doing and you will be from time to time, but stop, look, and listen, go gently into your day, be well, trust yourself, love the ones you're with (and that includes all of humanity and the other beings of the earth), laugh a lot, don't forget to cry when you need to, share this with whomever needs to hear it (there are some buttons below to do that); and until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Havin' Things Better

2010-06-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, whatever is buggin' you is goin' to get worse...Wow, and this is suppose to be a helpful site?? Yep, and, "Most of the time, whatever is buggin'...," well, you get the idea...It bugs me that I'm gettin' older, that the finance company, who received billions in bailout money, won't let me have the current lower rate for my mortgage, or help in any other 'reasonable way'...that the amount of 'stuff' we've collected over the years is too much to handle as we try to organize and downsize and that my health, while good right now, is on a downward curve....

I woke this morning,knowing I hadn't slept well, struggling to relax, and fighting all the bears in my life and imagination...I'm exhausted...I think, "god, there must be more I can do...no...should do...and I'm not up to it...I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, tired..." and that just makes it worse...There are should's, coulda's, didn't and can't's all over the place, (what I call Parental Directive Language, PDL for short), what's a body to do???

Well, I'll tell ya...writing this all down has helped, finding ways to face it, accept what is and do what I can...whatever that is, letting go of PDL's, helps...and declaring that as enough...that helps...and as much as all the things that bug me may get worse...I don't have to let THAT bug me, I do have a choice, and that choice is focus....

We, all of us, are in charge of our focus...it may not seem that way at times, (certainly doesn't to me), but we are...in charge that is...as I write this my body relaxes, unlike anything I felt all night...I am in charge, I can refocus on what is, acceptance, forgiveness, (even to the evil financial system) and find new vistas to brighten my day and my outlook...I can focus on acceptance instead of judgement, the bunny, which is quietly foraging on the lawn right now, (eating my lawn??? Yikes) and appreciation of all that is working in my life....

...if the things that are bugging you in your life are getting worse, and believe me when I tell you, they probably are, take a moment write them all down, acknowledge that they are only going to get worse...then embrace that and move on...move on to new focuses...your forgiveness, possibilities, choices, and acceptance of the power you do have...no matter what that might be...remember, live in harmony, be gentle with yourself and others, love a lot, laugh even more, cry when you wish, know in your heart what may be the greatest truth...THIS TOO SHALL PASS, declare this blog piece as supportive and helpful, (well, it has been to me) and love the ones you're with, Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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...love is just a word

2010-06-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

...and life a fragile shell...walk gently;...live in the moment means nothing until you cry until you can't catch your breath...I listen to the Avett Brothers, "I and Love and You" and cry until I can't catch my breath...only then can I see..."...dumbed down and numbed by time and age;"...talk softly...living in this moment is better when I've cried...I am scared, I talk too loud and feel too little...I'm scared...of what??? nothing...life, hopelessness, a lack of meaning...all of the above...not a bad thing at all--feels like renewal....

Today is another in an endless stream, that I get to be only the most insignificant part of...sometimes that's all right...sometimes not...I want to touch people...help them...lift them up when they fall...hold their hand when the touch makes a difference...sometimes I do...mostly I have hidden away...too afraid to be seen...too afraid that what is to be seen is not nearly enough...it is the legacy of deeply misunderstood intentions...from people too afraid of their own paths...I am sorry they could not feel more of the love we all are entitled to; and to which, I have more than my share...life is grand...especially after a good cry...hiding is grandly overrated...I hope you are filled with love, well being and joy...I know there are days where that is true for me...today???

...today I am filled with the sadness of missed opportunities and visions of cowering in the corner, crying, terrified, hoping...and hope's betrayals; ...mostly just my betrayal of myself...today is a new day and a new opportunity...so, I write...I hope it helps, I fear it won't...who could possibly need such silliness...well if no one else...I do...It helps me and while that seems like it couldn't possibly be enough...I'm going to have to make it do...I've got a lot of work to do to let it be enough...but that is a worthy path...if nothing more than how those about me will benefit...I do know how much it can mean to my family to know that I am well...and feeling good about myself...that is a worthy task and one I hope you travel...if not...get help...without doubt it is waiting for you....

I'll try to remember and I hope you will too, as well...go gently into your day, live in harmony with what is, remember NOW is all any of us have, love a lot, laugh even more, but don't forget to cry, once in awhile until you can't catch your breath...love the ones you're with...and until next time...I love you, Larry

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...and life goes on...

2010-06-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

...and aren't we all blessed...Ireland and Spain were amazing...travel is amazing...coming home...not so much...Why? Such a misleading word, "Why", when we say it, it almost invariably sends us directly into our head to find a 'reason'...not 'the' reason, just A reason...a better question is "What"...what is it that is keeping me from relishing my life at home? Well, thanks for asking...having to face my failures, missteps, and shortcomings is sometimes just a bit daunting...ever find that for yourself? Devin (my son) told me that it was impossible to be better than I am (meaning to this point in the NOW) and that if I looked I would see, not only the shortcomings but the blessings of who I am and have been...that my life and struggles don't need to have been different in order for me to be okay; that, yes, I was upset with me, but, if I looked I would see he only saw how much he has learned and been blessed with for being my son....

I could see that and know that my potential is what it is and trying to be something I'm not is trying to do the impossible...Now, this can be quite confusing, we can certainly try to do better next time, or try to improve our behavior, or try to live better, cleaner, smarter, but we can't be more than we actually are, today, TODAY... if it is different tomorrow that's another story, but it will include, including all the limitations that have brought us to today...Ah, being here, now, isn't such a bad thing....

Does that mean I will always be limited? Yes and no...any specific limitation may be moderated or sometimes expunged, and striving to learn and grow can be lovely, but today...TODAY...NOW, we are exactly as we are, no better or worse, and acceptance is the order of the day. I look at my life and my failings and I want them to be better...not better tomorrow, or the next day, better now, or yesterday...and trust me when I tell you...THAT AIN'T GOIN' TO HAPPEN...when I stop bemoaning the past, take stock of both my failings and my accomplishments, I find that life isn't so bad...in fact it's grand...that was the lesson Devin gave me when I was in Ireland and it is the one I am relearning as I write this...today, right here IN THIS MOMENT is grand...I am as good as I am and as bad, and things are as they are, I'm afraid at times, in love most of the time, and when I'm willing to admit it, excited about tomorrow (I hope you are too!)...I do wish I would take my own advice once in awhile...but then, where's the fun in that....

Remember, live well, love a lot, seek the support you need to flourish and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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From Ireland with love...

2010-05-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

...nothin' like travel to give you a little perspective...or maybe it only gives me a little...you may have it all together, but I'm not even close...today is a grand Irish day, a bit o mist and a beautiful view...that wasn't so when I arrived...when I arrived I was physically not okay...I had, for the first time in my life walked off a golf course on the third hole...out of breath, dizzy, slight nausea...wondering what was goin' on with me...and equally determined to ignore it...nothing better than denial is my policy...I huffed and puffed around, sometimes feelin' a bit better, but never far from feeling something seriously was wrong that I was determined to ignore...at 65 with a history of stroke, cancer, brain tumor and other assorted ills it seemed like the thing to do....

So, off to Ireland and a fine visit with youngest son who had a few weeks to hang with his parents...we didn't really have the money or the time, life was a bit in turmoil and definitely not a good time to run off...so run off we did...and, of course, when we got there I felt worse...had trouble climbing the stairs, thought I'd pass out tryin' to hit a golf ball at the driving range in preparation for a game the next day and finally I had to come clean..."Devin (my son) there's something wrong with me, I don't know if I'm havin' heart problems or I'm just stressed out of my mind, but I almost had to sit down after the first swing at the range."

Gee, Dad, we should find out...what's goin' on?"

So, I told him and in the process found out what a marvelous Life Coach he was...he told me many of the things I tell my clients and in the end...with many tears...I released the pain and suffering I was living with, apologized to him my wife, the world in general and recovered my life...Oh, did I mention how incredibly debilitating stress can be? If not consider yourself warned...stress is a killer and so is denial...you can't always solve your distress, sometimes you need a trusting hand to get you through it...I recommend my son...he is spectacularly good, but then he has no interest in being a Life Coach...I do, however, and if you or someone you know is struggling to be free, upbeat, happy and fulfilled, tell them to get help, and if they don't know who to use send them to me...Internet works, phone or email...don't live with stress...it isn't worth it....

Amazing how easy it is to walk and run, to play golf, up and down the hills, to cherish the day, the sunset, the late night after a pint of Guinness--when you're not choking on your own anxiety/depression...and no matter how good you are, you can't always be good for yourself...Devin cured me, by being the placeholder I needed...not forever, but for NOW, and NOW is a grand place to live...remember, love the ones you're with, cherish yourself, your life, and those who need to be reminded of who they really are, go gentle into your day...until next time, I remain, Respectfully yours, Larry

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Good Morning...and other silly nonsense....

2010-05-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

I hope it's good...but good or not, it is morning...Judgements for human beings can be incredibly useful..."Is this good water?"...if not it may kill you...but judgements, too often today are the tethers that bind us to our fears and keep us from living large in our lives....Learning the difference between survival and living is really, learning the difference between acting from fear and choosing possibilities...between nightmares and reality....

Today, I awoke from a nightmare...driven by all the things that could go wrong, or might go wrong, or were inevitably set to go wrong, I saw the possibilities and judged them 'BAD'...and I was terrified...who, in their right mind could even imagine having a chance against such odds...and then, I awoke and 'voila', a grand morning...I chose to judge the morning 'good', grand, if you like...and as I sat down to write this my wife said how bad a night she had spent...full of anxiety...riddled with fear...and that became the basis of our morning conversation... wow, what an opportunity to choose, let the fear run (spelled 'ruin') our lives or face the insecurity, angst, and judgments we make that trap us and leave us unable to sing....

We chose to sing...we chose to embrace the fear and each other and emerge from the nightmare...oddly knowing how grand it is to finally stop and face the boogie man...the nightmare doesn't end with the cessation of sleep, it only ends when you choose to awaken to your own strength and will..."We will run no further, do your worst you old boogieman"...and he limped away chastened by the courage of the vulnerability...will you chose to face your bogeymen...I hope so...You can spot them by taking less than a minute to assess...are you feeling inspired, alive, compassionate, optimistic...if not, look around because there's a boogie man somewhere near by...it might even be a boogie woman and you will have a grand opportunity to face her and declare your intention to live in the light...if that seems too hard, seek out a life coach, or find a friend with the capacity to see past your judgments and learn or relearn to sing...GOOD Morning...whether or not it is, is a matter for your choosing...remember to love the ones you're with and until next time I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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...and God said, "Let there be light..."

2010-05-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, she did...we were sitting in the parlor and I was complaining about one thing and another and she said, "Let there be light." and I said, "could you be any less obscure?" She laughed and said, "Look, you can be stuck in the drama of your life, or you can step out of it for a moment and bring the light of consciousness where only darkness was a moment before."
Well to say the least, I was dumbstruck....

Here's God in all her glory telling me the same things I tell my clients, "Choose, stay in your story, or let it go...return to the light of authentic self awareness." I'll be damned,(oops, just an expression God, don't take it seriously) If I'm feelin' gray the answer is within me...stop, choose, release...sometimes it's easier to do than others, and yet, it is always our choice...

My hope is that today and each day you choose the light...I will do my best...I know that depression, anxiety, compulsion and addiction is not the answer...now all I have to do is choose otherwise...I do...love the one's you're with and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Today is the Best Day of Your Life

2010-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was and tomorrow will be, but today is...I know, there have been better and perhaps you can imagine worse, but still, in all, today is the best day of your life. It is the culmination of everyday and every moment and you are, or have the potential to be wiser, and more present than ever...being the best day, doesn't mean being the least challenging, or being full of the most rewards, or without any hardships, or sadness...being the best means you can chose to be the best you've ever been, to this point, and have the most acceptance you've ever had, and do the most good you've ever done..."Today is that day, and it is the best opportunity ever"....

We need more well being, we need more co-operation, and we need more willingness to surrender our fear...all the chatter about conservative or liberal, this way or that way, making money, individual rights, or the greater good, capitalism, socialism, or communism...is just that, chatter...like monkeys in the trees, a cacophony of sounds that at the first sign of trouble become a deafening squeal....

We are, all of us on this earth, a tribe...if you don't believe me, go somewhere, sit with someone who you don't know, can't speak their language, don't know their customs, or gestures and be with them (be with them means, "let go of your fear"), a few moments...then you'll know, we are one and the same, and our needs are identical, and our wants are similar, and our joy at being with each other "priceless"....

This is the best day of your life because you declare it and tomorrow will be even better...you can choose that and you can live into that...even if you don't...you can...and perhaps, today or tomorrow you will...if enough of us do, we will become a force to be reckoned with...we will become the standard for which others can find their way; and we will be part of the will that will end wars; and end hate; and end needless suffering that plagues us...because today, was not the best day for those who remain angry, or self absorbed, or greedy, or obsessed with power over others, even if they think it was...they only survive in that state because we allow it...when we declare that this is the best day ever of our lives, and discover the truth of that is releasing fear, we take the power away from the nay-Sayers and self absorbed...It must come from you, not from them, they don't need to change, you do, and then you open the door to miracles...be well, loves the ones you're with, and in the end, declare and discover, that this and everyday, is the best day of your life...where's the harm in that? Until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Is Love all there is?

2010-04-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

...is it? Well, What about the mortgage payment, or global warming, or having a tummy ache...maybe cement trucks are all there is, or Mac Donald's...maybe fast food is all there is...How 'bout heartbreak, or basketball, what about missing your period, or cancer...wow, when you have cancer, believe me that's all there is...and then there's work and bad bosses, or being tired, or fired...how 'bout that, being tired and fired is all there is...how 'bout money or money problems, yeah, that's all there is...and bad news in the newspaper, that definitely is all there is...how 'bout being unfaithful or having your spouse be unfaithful...oh boy, that's all there is...and how 'bout being sick or old, or goin' "seenial" ...that's gotta be all there is....

What is happening to you today, what ever it is, that's all there is...and bein' upset is without doubt all there is, until it isn't...how 'bout a love one dying...OMG...that's all there is...and being past over...oh heavens that is definitely all there is...havin' an arguement or gettin yur kids to do what they're sa'pose to...there's definitely nothin' else...how 'bout bein afraid or bein' terrified, why that IS all there is...except of course...money...yep without it we're dead...money is all there is....

NOW, is actually all there is, or said more precisely; everything that is, is NOW...the totality of existence is in the NOW and you live only in the NOW even when you think you don't...NOW is and LOVE is...and YOU are...and even in your most empty moment...and don't think I haven't been there...YOU are LOVE...it could be argued that LOVE is all there is...or you could take it on faith...LOVE is all there is and the manifestations of it are sometimes hard to see...be all you can be...return often to the simple truth...you are loved, you love, and cherish each moment...love the ones your with and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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What are 'you' Pretending Not to Know

2010-04-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

...or are you? well, here's the rub...if you're triggered, and believe me when I say, "If you aren't now, you soon will be"; really, it's the way of life...and then you too, will be pretending not to know. That's what we do when things don't go our way, or we feel hurt by others, or we want reality to be different than it is...When you feel misused, or victimized, or at the effect of powers beyond your control, 'you', the little 'you' of your fight/flight/freeze persona, just arbitrarily decides not to know what your role in the affair really is..."I don't know why this has to be like it is...."

"Why did you do that to me? Huh, why?" "I have no idea why I lost that contract." "I was just minding my own business, and wham..."I never knew she was so unhappy." "Why are things the way they are in my life? I don't know."...Yes, you do...and no matter the circumstances, it would be a lot better if you looked around and told the truth..."What is it that I'm pretending not to know?" Good question, and even better when you answer it....

"I'm pretending not to know that I'm not a victim; I'm pretending not to know that I'm not paying attention to the concerns of others, I'm pretending not to know that I'm closed off, or self absorbed, or self important, or playing helpless, or hiding, or just being scared out of my mind..." it could be a lot of things, but that is not nearly as important as discovering what it is for you...What are you pretending not to know...and how is that affecting the quality of your life?

What I mean by that is paying attention to the level of enthusiasm you have for facing whatever challenges are coming your way...looking for opportunities to contribute to others and make their lives just a little bit better for your being there...and being in touch with your own vulnerability and making peace with it as you travel down your path...If you wake up each day with a smile on your face and a bounce to your step...well, maybe you are seeing the possibilities, if not...well....

You might wish to leave the little you and begin to allow the big YOU of your Authentic Being to emerge...that is the journey from; struggle to aliveness, or from complaint to caring, or from anger to compassion...trust me when I tell 'YOU', 'you' are pretending not to know each time you are frustrated, confused, and discouraged...and being reminded of that, can be a gift to allow the 'YOU' of your 'beingness' to reemerge...YOU are a gift, YOU are a force that can change the world...use it wisely, be patient and remain awake to your being....

Be well, tread the world gently, care a lot without penalty, find compassion in situations you never could before; and as always, love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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...and in the end there was ONE...

2010-04-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

Many of us, today, struggle with our spirituality...some find comfort in a specific modality, others pay a little lip service...and an increasing number see it as an outmoded, outdated notion, not worth another moment or thought....

Spirituality though, is not just a bunch of superstitions, it seems to be at the heart of human consciousness...we have spiritual needs...not necessarily church, mosque, or synagogue, and not a belief in some human morphed, super Deity...if those ways flick your bic, more power to you...but for the rest of us, who have tuned out and downgraded the need...we missed the point...spirituality, is as important as food, water, productive work, or the air you breathe....

You may not find your spirituality in organized religion, or mythical stories, but when you are stressed and feeling at loose ends, feeling like nothing matters, or feeling strangled by the superficial struggle to survive...you are at your own spiritual crossroads...you need more than a vacation...you need an infusion of spirit...that inestimable quality of personal worth, of cherished purpose, of passion that you matter, because...YOU DO...YOU are and have always been, a child of this universe....

Spirituality has become a dirty word for many of us because of the crimes done in the name of one religion or another...but that is throwing the baby out with the bathwater...if you have a spiritual practise, no matter what it is, focus on the universal nature of it, and dismiss the 'us or them' aspects...if you have no spiritual practice...reassess...because in truth you do...each day you wake and you strive--you express hope and promise; each day you dress, or make a meal, or appreciate a moment--the possibility of spiritual renewal is living within you...In all of life, your place is first and foremost, a witness to living, the incredible experience of acknowledging being and being witness to each other can be a spiritual awakening...it is the antidote to boredom, to stress, to anxiety and depression...it dispels ennui and doubt...discovering the power of your consciousness, the uniqueness of your being and your rightful place in the cosmos, is invigorating...and is no less important than breathing....

You are a gift, you are cherished, you are the perfect vessel to view the universe...with out you the universe would be without meaning and purpose...it does not matter that there are others, it only, and ultimately matters, that YOU do...You bring love where none existed, you bring possibilities where nothing lived, you bring tears, and joy and endless magic to a world that had none of this before you....

How do I know this? That is simple, on two occasions I was in a room with my wife and YOU emerged...Ashley first, then Devin, and everything I just shared with you here, flooded every fibre of my being...no matter the circumstance this is true of you and me, as well...the earth welcomes each newcomer with this profound reverence...Your arrival on this planet is a gift and you are the gift...fulfill that with each breath, renew that with each moment and trust that with each day that passes...You are a gift, you belong here, love a lot, laugh whenever possible, celebrate the joy and the sadness, be brave even when you can not, believe in more than drudgery and boredom, be inspired and inspiring...love the ones you're with, until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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What are You Putting Up With Today?

2010-04-09T00:31:00.000-07:00

We all do you know...we put up with things, thinking that that is what we have to do...or it's the best there is...it isn't, we don't...'have to' that is...we have many layers of vulnerability yet to tap....

Vulnerability??? Yeah, that really scary place where we are intensely visible, acutely aware and open to being...what???...Slaughtered??? Yes and no; we were as children...WE WERE... slaughtered that is... We were taken unawares and we learned...never, never, never to be that "off guard" again...see that? off our 'guarded', controlled, safe, protected, selective self...our auto/protector is 'ON'...we manage, make do, put up with and cope...we do....

...and it is slowly killing us... if not in body, in spirit....

Yes, I know, life is good, things are grand and I am enormously pleased that that is so...and...unequivocably, we put up with things we don't need to put up with and which block us from experiencing even greater rewards of closeness and intimacy in our lives....

It happened again, to me...I have a grand life and a marvelous relationship with my wife...and tonight we found even more opportunities to break through barriers that we didn't even allow ourselves to know were there...we were putting up with way too much and after the fact it was clear how dreadful that was...we deserved more and...SO DO YOU!!

Discover the ways you put up with things...in life, in relationships, at work, with the kids...and come clean...break the habits of a life time...discover vitality, learn and experience the rich fabric which is your life...be gentle with yourself, cherish the possibilities, in moments where boredom or routine has stolen your vulnerability...notice the little voice which, while reading this, says to you, "Oh, don't be absurd things are fine, life is full of ups and downs and we're fine...who made him judge anyway"....

Not judge, seer...as in the little boy who went to see the Emperor and proclaimed, "...but daddy the emperor has no clothes." You are no different...if you look at others, you will see too...they are holding back, playing just a little bit smaller than is needed...it's not wrong, just a little sad...as best you can and in your own time...come out and play...just a little more intensely, a little more vividly...a little more alive...authentically...and if you need a boost, find a life coach, or someone to point you in the direction you have always wanted to go...living fully in your life....

You are not wrong, this is not a notice of admonishment...it is a call to you and those you love; to risk a little more, and trust a little more, and be willing to experience just a little more self possession to be YOU, the big unfettered YOU...unhindered by fear....

To the 'real' adult in you, 'hurt' is exquisite and not to be missed, we embrace the possibility of it, because we know the rewards and the loss if we don't...risk, trust, be exquisitely vulnerable...You'll find a way, I know you will, you are incredibly strong...stronger than you imagine; loving, compassionate, intuitive and creative...you'll find a way...just when you think that's all there is, you'll find a little more and know that it was all very worth it and you are worth it...Love yourself and the ones you're with, pass this on to your network of friends and contacts...until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Wait, not now, Oh no...

2010-04-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

I definitely don't have time to be doing this now...taxes are due, bills to pay, Mom needs help, Doctors' appointments waiting, MRI's, Radiation, Refi's, clean-ups, visits, follow ups, oh,my, who says stress isn't out there...Oh, yeah, that would be me....

Sorry, you're probably stressed out just reading this, but stress isn't in how busy we are or how much is on our plate...it isn't how dreadful the circumstances, or dire the situation...stress is our own, made up reaction to life...I'm stressed, yes, I am...I have too much to do and not enough time to do it...the things left undone are critical and crucial; and my performance is woefully lacking...I am stressed, Yes, I am....

Or not.....................I was stressed, all the classic signs, forgetful, spilling things, not being present to whatever I was doing...Yes, I was stressed...I needed to be...It was what life demanded of me...and I was goin' down fighting...but goin' down none the less....

Stress is like that, you fight the good fight, but the stress only detracts from your effectiveness, you might as well take a break because continuing will only produce more of the same...stress is a personal reaction to life circumstances and you can (and might I be so bold as to say...MUST) take a step back...I know...you can't...but do it anyway....

Whatever your life needs, and whatever you need to get done...what you, and life needs first and foremost is YOU...not the little 'you' but the big, unstressed, 'YOU'...I do speak from experience here...you take care of yourself first; as they say on the airplane, "put your mask on first, then help the children you like next"...oops too bad about little jonny...If you are going to be effective with anything in your life you first must be effective with you and your stress...get unstressed...find a quiet place and breathe, or take a yoga class, or talk to a friend that will quietly listen...seek a life coach, or take a long luxurious bath...then calm and quiet your mind by remembering that this too shall pass, you are a child of the universe, you were meant to be here, you are not alone, it doesn't really all depend on you, and you are entitled to breathe deeply, sleep soundly, and enjoy fully each moment of your life...love the ones you're with and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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R U OK?

2010-03-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Really...R U? Do you sleep well, wake up without an alarm lookin' forward to the new day's possibilities...R U heading down a path of your choosing, livin' the life you'd be proud to have your child live? R U confident, happy, full of compassion for others in your community...do you party enough without getting wasted and doin' stupid things...and on the other hand, do you do just enough stupid, silly things to keep the fun in your life? Are there important things for you to do and are you proud of yourself...do you know that you make a difference and your efforts are deeply appreciated?...alright then, I guess you really are okay....

...And if you're not okay, upon occasion, you can take a moment and realize it's probably because you've forgotten who you really are...another way of sayin' that is, 'you've been triggered'...You've slipped into the world of survival and instead of the world bein' your oyster, you're the one bein' eaten...life's like that some time's and when it is we all usually make the same mistake...we try to fix things...that's called coping...

Now, coping doesn't sound so bad;
"How ya doin'?"
"Oh, I'm copin'."
...except copin' ain't really so fun, it's just 'gettin' by, doin' the best you can...and makin' do...actually it's on the road to despair...when we get triggered, we lose the freshness, fun, and joy that life has to offer and things begin to take on deep and ominous meanings...It's hard, and life gets a little harder, until either, we stop coping, or we settle into the drudgery we call life....

Life should never be drudgery, or obligation, or responsibilities...life is a gift...yes, you have responsibilities and you take on obligations, but they are only worth anything when you embrace them with enthusiasm...if your obligations and responsibilities are getting you down...you are triggered and you are coping and you are one step closer to misery...if this is happening to you...stop, breathe, throw them all off, long enough for you to really breathe and refresh and then take them back one at a time and only if you really, in your heart, want to...otherwise tell the truth..."these are not for me...I need help"...living in fear and pain is not the answer for anyone and when your responsibilities, obligations or living day to day is killing you... it's time to ask for "HELP!" Then get the help you need, so that you can once again be part of the solution instead of bein' part of the problem.....

Life is meant to be lived, not survived...none of us will survive...all of us can live...be joyful, be full of compassion, seek life coaches when you are not, learn to wake with enthusiasm and a sense of how precious you are and how valuable you are and how cherished you are ...then go forth in your world, loving those around you, be well, be happy, love yourself, and remember...you are the light...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Who let the rain in...?

2010-03-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

Who indeed...let me know if I have this right...you don't support our troupes if you want them to come home out of harms way...you're unamerican if you don't support the war which was started to eliminate WMD's that didn't exist; and everyone with a shred of intelligence knew, didn't exist...You are a socialist, commie if you want your society to provide health care to it's citizens...Oh, yeah, that one's really true...heath care is not a right of the citizens of a society...when one of the members is sick...who cares??? If they want care let them pay their own way and if they can't??? Well, tough tamana...health care is a business...people have a right to get rich doing health care and insuring health care and anyone who thinks otherwise is just...well...wrong!!!

Anyone here ready to rethink these notions...when humans began their existence on this earth, they knew certain things, one of these things is that their group needed someone to treat, the sick and infirm...the medicine men and women were always and forever commissioned by the society...illness and disease is a community problem and the medicine person always and forever worked for the community...these dedicated doctors were called to work for the community...not once were they shouted down for being socialists...they knew that their position was one of the most revered in the society; and they knew that their calling was one they never could put down no matter what...they were "paid" as best as the society could afford and this continued well into the 19th century, as the frontier doctors would answer the call of the community and work for dinner, or vegetables, or whatever...they knew that each community needed a doctor and they filled that need...in return the community provided shelter, food, and whatever funds they could gather and everyone thought the doctor should get more for the love the community had for them...What happened???

Do you really believe that anyone in your society should be turned away from care if they show up with a broken leg, an infectious disease, a difficult pregnancy??? Should the size of your pocketbook determine the quality of your care? In all of history it never did...why now??? Health care has always been a function of the needs of the society...the health care professionals have always been employed by the society...just like the firemen, the police, and the chiefs...should the firemen check your ability to pay before responding to your fire? Should the police check your credit report before deciding who they will arrest? Should a Doctor review the contents of your wallet before viewing the contents of your burst appendix???

This is decidedly not socialism...it is humanism, or just plain common sense...the society has need of doctors and health care...each and every individual within that society needs to know that when their turn comes they will be treated with the same care and respect that they gave when they were healthy and did everything they could do to make sure their neighbors were cared for when they needed it. Health care, fire protection, police protection are all social responsibilities...and the individuals that fill these posts do so just as much for you and me as they do for the pay check...do you really want to be treated by a doctor that will quit and go into engineering if (s)he isn't paid enough? If the calling is not there to be a doctor, all the money in the world will not make them a good doctor, and if the calling is there, no amount of difficulty will stop them from ministering to the sick....

It is obscene to allow insurance companies to make a dime on health care...it is farcical to expect only the well healed to have effective medical care...it is criminal to deny care to someone on their ability to pay...I know, let 'em eat cake....

We are a tribe, albeit, a big one, and we need each other...some things just should never be privatized, roads, water, air, and health care...be kind to yourself, love yourself, discover how important it is to be generous to your neighbor, love the one's you're with and in the fullness of time be glad you live in a society that knows, in time, you too will need their care and they will be there to provide it...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Follow the Money

2010-03-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, capitalism is our way and socialism is really, really, bad...maybe firemen should get an "ability to pay" before coming to your house, and cops arrest the one with the least money (oops, maybe that is happening)...No, No, No you say government should do some things...just not health care....

Oh really...so let me get this straight...triage should be done with your wallet first...if there are five people in medical need (you being one of them) and these needs are of various medical urgency's we should address the needs of the rich first...so a senator's hangnail comes before your burst appendix...profit first....

You know for the first fifty thousand years or so medical treatment was done by the government...that government included the witch doctor...or herbalist and the community was served by them equally...when a community needs health care it is the community that licenses and authorizes the gifted practitioners...has always been that way...trying to make a profit out of the communities need for health care is like trying to privatize the army (oops, already doing that) making war profitable is a good thing... (isn't it?)...making the hospitals motivated to get rid of patients is a wonderful and effective way to do health care...surely you see that...paying insurance companies to find ways to deny coverage for the sake of their investors...just makes sense...denying coverage to my mother so that all involved make a few extra bucks is just the 'american' way...personally, I love it...what the hell...the old bag is 86 and dying anyway...giving her a few extra days or years of a quality life just doesn't make sense ECONOMICALLY...Yep I get it...You're next you know; and I know you can see...really no matter how much money you have, that actually giving you what you are paying for just doesn't make sense to the good investors and the well being of doctors who simply need even more that the millions they often get...pay the provider one fee, then tell them that's all you get whether you keep them one day or the 100 that we promised them...yeah, those places sure have your best interests at heart...count on it...mom did....

Well, remember, having health care which works for everyone, works for no one...so let's keep the profit in non profit and get those pikers who just want to be taken care of when they're ill off the dole and out of the way...health care for the deserving rich is my motto...if you can't afford it who cares anyway...guess who's havin' a bad day....remember love the ones you're with even if they can't afford it and be kind to yourself...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Your Laughin' Place

2010-02-21T10:47:00.000-08:00

...and as Br'er Rabbit said, "I said it was my laughin' place, not yours..." and Uncle Remus reminds us that each of us has to find our own laughin' place, 'cause it's different for each of us....

Where is your laughin' place? Don't know what that is? Well, let me tell you, you've come to the right spot...Your laughin' place is just around the corner...third star to the right...It's the state of mind available to you whenever you begin to feel trapped by life...Br'er Rabbit was gonna be roasted on a spit...(ever feel like that, like life is roasting you?) It was just then that he imagined what the best possible outcome could be and through his wit and perseverance it came true...Just imagine for a moment the sorry circumstances that are weighing you down, notice how you can't seem to see anything funny or worthwhile in these conditions...and begin to realize that, until you can, nothing good is likely to happen....

Your laughin' place is just one silly thought away from your door...what circumstance could there be that would allow you to laugh in the face of the distress you are facing? What thought could make you see the absurdity that is life and allow you to laugh? Stop what you're doing, (if what you're doing is making you miserable) and take a little time to open up your imagination...because nothing good can come until you see the possibilities and opportunities...and nothing will allow the pain and fear to stop until you can see the light...find your laughin' place...go there often....

Then, take a little time and learn to distinguish between the temporal and the infinite...grubbing around in this world of things to do, and things to have, is temporal...it's fine...just not what's really and truly important...treat it that way and all of life will be your 'laughin' place'...make it deadly serious...and you'll most likely be dead and serious...doing and having are the stuff of life...we like that and we hate that....

Being is the inspiration of life...you can BE happy anytime...you can BE at peace anytime...you can BE inspired and inspiring...anytime or out of time...find your 'laughin' place' and have a good ol' belly laugh on me...Yes, things might be tough, life may have thrown you some hard sliders...but that's just the stuff, it's not the being...you are first and foremost a human BEING...BE one...and BE ONE with the universe that is a perfect place for you to be...stop, sit down, brew a cup of Earl Grey, find a vista that allows you to see past the horizon, even if it is only in your mind's eye, then relax and enjoy the moment...that perfect moment where you once again realize...you are the peace, you are the love, you are the center of your perspective and it is a spectacular view that can fill you with inner peace and harmony....

You do have a 'laughin' place', it is up to you to find it...remember...you are cherished, you are loved, you are a child of the universe, be well, give of your gift until you get it, then be the gift you have always been...love the one's you're with and until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Are We Having Fun Yet?

2010-02-18T09:44:00.000-08:00

Are we? I hope so...I was having a grand time watching my computer disintegrate before my eyes...I am using my wife's old one...works better than mine...I have been struggling a bit about what to write here...I want to write about possibilities...possibilities for us as a group, a species, a society, but I don't want it to be any less than a personal contribution to each of you who are reading this...I envision this column as about 'us'...being, having and doing a little better each day...I was fretting and worrying and then decided to tell you my story....

I was out one morning having breakfast, after going to the City of Hope for some fasting blood tests and I got to talking with the people at the next table...some how the issue of drugs came up...not sure how, but then I found myself expounding again on the insanity of making it profitable...make that "insanely" profitable for killers, robbers and criminals to control the drug trade in America and the world...With more than 25% of domestic crime related to the need to feed the drug habit and untold misery inflicted everywhere, it seems truly insane to continue to make drug use illegal...Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want drugs to have the patina that alcohol and tobacco have, in fact, if left up to me each of these would be included into a new category..."Socially unacceptable and personally destructive", Anyone found promoting their use would be heavily fined, anyone found promoting their use to minors would be put in jail...packaging, plain and unattractive with large warnings...controls in distribution which would eliminate profit and promote treatment....

In the beginning any drug user could qualify for a life time supply by simply committing to personal use only, with NO sharing...upon severe penalty...take the profit out of the cartels hands...out of the smugglers hands, out of the users hands...spend the billions we now spend on 'waging war', on treatment, education, and showing how destructive the effects are to all of our children...de-criminalize, de-glamorize and de-incentivize drugs, alcohol and tobacco...give people enough real information to make decisions and let them be responsible for them...stop creating criminals and crime by failed attempts at prohibition...it prohibits nothing and makes this world a hundred times less safe....

I know...scary, and wrong headed...can't be done and won't be...political suicide to actually propose a solution that would let heavy drug users...use drugs, then focus on helping them instead of spending billions to incarcerate and hunt them down...make the crime seducing others and make it so unworthwhile that users would find it best just to use and leave others alone...we could do it...but I fear we won't...we could make it safer by taking the need to rob and steal to buy drugs out of the equation...but it is unlikely that we will...we could end the slaughter in Mexico, Afghanistan, and other places in the world, but we won't...c'est la vi....

So, how was your day? Thanks for putting up with me today, I'll try to straighten up in the coming blogs...if you are feeling anything less than inspired by life...find someone who needs something you have and give it till you feel blessed by the possibilities and potentials that you being on this planet make possible...you are a gift, you deserve to be loved, cherished and esteemed by everyone, most importantly by yourself, be well, love the one's you're with, and until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Super Sunday...What a Great Concept

2010-02-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

In spite of the stupor bowl...you know that North American ode to too much testosterone...the one that pretends to be FOOT ball when the rest of the world plays a game that actually requires the 'foot' to move the ball...the idea of a Super Sunday is grand....

Today is Super Sunday!!! Get the kids take them to the park and celebrate...or as the song says, "...pack up the babies and grab the old ladies and everyone go 'Cause everyone knows..." it's Super Sunday...Today is the day...put down your troubles, your worries, your bitter recriminations and upsets with others and celebrate the truth...we're all in this together...differences of opinion are a dime a dozen and not worth the price...War is savage and crazy and an affront to every person on the planet...looting and savage behavior in Haiti is fear gone mad and has no place in our world today...today stop what you're doing and celebrate your humanity...say hello to strangers and smile at the world....

Today is Super Sunday, bring your friends together, and if you must, watch a little faux football, then celebrate each other, vow to do better in this world and end the night laughing and singing and being thankful for the joy of being alive....

Remember, be gentle with yourself, give freely your love and be grateful for all the love that is given to you...see it everywhere and give it everywhere and in the end, love the one's you're with...Until next time, I remain...Yours, Truly, Larry

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Trite and True

2010-02-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life..." Yep, true...the first time I really heard that and let the implications sink in...it felt profound...I didn't have to worry about what was or had been...I didn't have to repeat the mistakes of the past...I could go forward...with a clean slate and optimism...I felt hopeful, alive...the world was my oyster...I wanted everyone to share in that feeling...all I had to say to them was, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" they loved it and repeated it...that was 1974...I wonder if today is the first day of the rest of my life? Hummm...maybe....

"You can't change the past..." Yep, true, or the variation, "You can't change what's past, and all the worrying in the world won't matter..." Yep, "Worrying, IS the interest on borrowed trouble...", remember that one? Maybe, a little less trite...but true none the less...worrying is the interest on borrowed trouble, but that's just a saying until you really get it...We often think if we worry about it enough it'll help...it doesn't...but then repeating trite sayings probably won't help either...discovering that all your worry was for nothing is often a great feeling....

"Life goes on, until it doesn't..." or "Shit happens and then you die..." yep, true...I can remember the comfort, and the ballsy in your face sense of embracing those two...Kinda, buck up, it's just the way it is...sorta thing...not bad some times....

"Nothing exists forever..." Yep, true...is nothing...something? Because if it were something and it existed forever then something would exist forever and that something is "Nothing" "NO THING exists forever"...so if you become NO THING you will exist forever...EST was big with that one..."everything/nothing"...comforting to be part of the everything/nothing continuum....

"Be Here Now..."the Past is the Past..."Tomorrow will never come..." Yep, true...If you're struggling with something, you probably need to bring your consciousness into the NOW...trite and true...When you let go of the past and surrender your fears of the future you can begin to "live in the NOW..."...be here...now...experience the love you have and the love you have to give...be present to listen, reflect, share and dream...all the things that make us who we are today...be gentle with yourself, love the one's you're with, cheer wildly for your side, whatever that might be; and celebrate the moment, until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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God Spoke to me the other Day...

2010-01-30T12:32:00.000-08:00

...or perhaps it was Don Juan...in any case it wasn't Al Gore or Obama or O'Reilly...it was an impeachable authority and what she said, (it seemed to be a feminine voice) was, "Truth is not enough for you imperfect humans...reality is easily manipulated by one or another of you...it isn't enough that hard scrabble self interest directs your thoughts and view of reality, you refuse to listen to anyone who dares to speak with thoughtfulness and wisdom...so here it is...direct from the voice of the almighty...You are screwing up your planet...global warming is occurring and will devastate much of your world...stop what you are doing and reform...it is my wish and command (which I know will fall on deaf ears)...Your refusal will not incur my wrath, but it will seriously screw up your planet...and by the way...I am not YOUR God to the exclusion of others...get over it...."

Well, something like that anyway...I was never very good at taking dictation and my cell phones and recorders didn't seem to work...but believe me when I tell you that it was definitely God, (or maybe Alla...not clear on that one) and the message was absolutely clear about burning too much fossil fuel...no more arguments...and by the way she didn't think that those of us in America are all that special...mentioned something about us consuming far too much for our own good...seemed a bit chippy about that...anyway, just thought I'd pass it along, argument over...global warming is a reality and God doesn't really give a crap if we mess it all up...she's willing to warn us but it was clear she didn't expect us to do much about it...it was then I knew it must be God...who else would be such a realist?

Listen, enjoy your day, be happy with yourself and those around you, love the one's you're with, and until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Honesty, More than just a Policy?

2010-01-21T07:57:00.000-08:00

I read a book once called 'Radical Honesty'. It tried to make the point that being "ruthlessly, and precisely" honest was the road to happiness and living the good life...I thought it odd that 'honesty' should have such a modifier as 'Radical' or 'Ruthless'...as Forest would say, "honest is as honest does"...But in any discussion of honesty, It seems, that we all are faced with the seeming conundrum of the little white lie...either telling the truth, or saying something gratuitously hurtful...what is the point of telling someone they look ugly in that blouse, or telling someone how inept they are at some recreational activity...and if it's okay to have a few 'little white lies' where do we draw the line...or is this even the point of honesty?

The answer to that is, "Honesty has little or nothing to do with tactfulness and kindness...Honesty has little to do with being honest with others, altogether, and everything to do with being honest with oneself." If someone asks you to be honest about how they look you'll have to decide if they're being honest...Perhaps what they're really asking for is reassurance and if you want them to be reassured, then telling them they look fine is an honest thing to do...Little white lie? Nonsense...Honesty is being honest with yourself, first and honest with others when you can honestly feel safe enough to do so.

What? Be honest with others only when you feel safe? What kind of policy is that? Honestly? It is half the policy that we all follow...the other half which few of us follow is being honest with ourselves....

We do a lot of things, from an automatic survival perspective and then we lie about it not just to others, but to ourselves. If you will look at your life and start telling the truth to yourself about yourself it might look something like this, "I spend quite a bit of time hiding, or blustering...I'm scared, or in pain and feel like I have to keep that hidden, My public self is often an act and I suspect I'm seldom aware just how much that is true of me...I spend a lot of time rationalizing and justifying myself and my behavior and a lot of time posturing and posing...I avoid seeing both my fear and my pain (what good would that do anyway) and while I often say I'm doing the best I can, I know I'm not...I want to be honest, but honestly I don't think I'm willing to take that big a risk."

Maybe, that's too harsh...maybe pain and insecurity, or self absorption aren't that big a deal in your life and you feel seen and heard most of the time...maybe tranquillity, peace of mind, well being, compassion and kindness fill your day...but if not then you might wish to look into discovering the path to a whole new level of honesty...honesty with yourself and when you're ready...with others as you become more of the solution and less of the problem of living in this over hyped and fractious world...If you wish to struggle less, play more and be an agent for personal and social well being...then be honest with yourself, love the ones you're with, be playful and find compassion for those you find upsetting...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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That Makes Me Happy

2010-01-13T15:30:00.000-08:00

Ever say that? "That makes me happy." Oh, really! In that statement who has the power...YOU or the 'circumstance' to which you are referring? Who would you prefer to have the power to make you happy...your inner self or willy nilly circumstances?

We all know the answer to that one...but when it comes to language and to the way we act...circumstance is often the winner...It does make me happy when I am heard and listened to...I am happy you liked what I had to say...It makes me sad when you criticise me, and through it all, in the game of ping pong (and life)...I am the ball.... I don't want to be the ball and I don't think you do either...Yes, it makes us happy to win, and sad to lose, it makes us happy to be loved and sad when someone is ill or dies...and yet, who are we referring to where these things are true? If you will indulge me for a moment I should like to answer that....

When we say, "That makes 'me' happy", we are referring to the little 'me' the reactionary automatic survival 'me'...not the 'ME' of our Authentic Self. In the response to life from our authentic self we make ourselves happy and are happy, even in the face of death or crippling circumstance...it is why when researchers asked a number of P.O.W.'s if they could live their life again and eliminate the torture and confinement of their imprisonment, "...would they do it?" The answer from almost all was, "No, never, I know I could never learn many of the life lessons that make me who I am today, without the experiences I had then." It seems impossible, but life circumstance and experience is teaching us and creating and recreating us to be all that we can be..."it is all a blessing" and we can choose to find that place in ourselves where that last statement is true...If you are struggling to do that in any area of your life, then let these words soothe you, and/or find a life coach and open yourself up to their support....

"That makes the little me happy." Yes, it does and even if you don't say it...THINK IT..."That makes the little 'me' happy and the big 'ME' knows the truth...I am happy because I choose to be." Be happy, or sad, be depressed or upset, blame the circumstances all you want (the little 'you'), and then remind yourself that happiness is a choice, 'well being' a state of mind, and joyfulness a gift you give voluntarily to the world...love the one's you're with...remember to go gently into the world, bring kindness, compassion and love to your interactions with others and with yourself...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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The Cave, A Story for when the Days seem Hard

2010-01-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a tribe of people who lived all of their days in a cave...each person had their own room and when they met in the center chamber they would share "all about their world" which consisted entirely of the details of the caverooms they lived in...One day, a brave Cavonian found their way to the mouth of the cave and walked out into the world...Oh, My, they were overwhelmed with the possibilities and magisty and couldn't wait to get back and tell their fellow Cavonians....

"Please, please, gather 'round...I've just returned from a place I'll call outside."
"Outside of what," was the universal response.
"Outside of the cave you are in," the young Cavonian replied.
"Nonsense," They said in unison.
"But let me tell you about the trees, and colors, and sky and possibilities, and, and, and...."
"If such were so, surely someone before YOU would have seen these things...this is all nonsense, leave us and go to your caveroom...."
and so the young Cavonian was unable to convince a single person of what they were sure was true beyond the cave of their existence.

When you are in your cave...the cave of upset, victim hood, stress, anger, helplessness, anxiety, depression, fear, loneliness, doubt, frustration, confusion, sadness or ill health...never doubt for a moment that it is the cave of the moment you are living in...and when someone...anyone comes along and suggests that there is more to life than that cave you are living in...Listen to them...ask them to show you, "Outside" and be patient with them as they struggle to lead you to the entrance that you have forgotten exists. If you hold on too tightly to the truth of your cave...you will be right...and those that see the outside will go on without you....

When you are sad, or hurt or feeling the pain of loss, don't hesitate to share with others where you are and ask them if they have seen the entrance to this place, because you have lost your way and you would like to hear from them the stories of "outside of here"...then let them share with you and help you find the path back to the outside of the caves and boxes we all climb into from time to time....

You are a child of the universe, you belong here, you deserve to be loved and you are loved, you deserve to be cherished and you are cherished, you deserve to be free and you are free to believe in yourself, love yourself, and find peace and contentment, no matter the circumstance, in your life...you have much to give and much to share and we look forward to the time you will lead us, in our time of need...be well, love the one's you're with...Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Telling the Truth to Yourself

2009-12-31T10:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we get caught up in worring about, "What is the truth?"...Did O. J. do it, was the advertising honest, do politicians ever tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, did our kids really just 'go to the mall', can I trust a salesman...etc?...I ascribe to a different truth, "You can't cheat an honest (wo)man." W.C. Fields

Worrying about the truth of others is missing the point...What is true for you? In your most honest moments, you know that YOU could be more honest (if not, you haven't looked hard enough)...Being present to reality, letting go of expectations, releasing from the stories we tell about our lives and letting go of our insecurities (about ourselves and our okayness), will bring us closer to the truth....

The truth we seek is in ourselves...not outside...when someone lies to us, personal or otherwise, they depend on our dishonesty...if we look to ourselves, the lies will have no power and our lives will be little affected...Lies have their own stink, and when you're centered you'll smell it...the truth will be clear...even if it is simply, "I don't know what the truth is right now." Telling someone that, from a truthful place, will disarm them...You will see how hard they may try, "...to get you to believe them"...But if you remain centered in your own truth you will find that the answers will be clearer than ever before....

The person you most NEED to tell you the truth...IS YOU..."It seems true" is fine, or, "I'm uncomfortable with what you're saying." or, "That doesn't seem to be true for me." can all be true for us...But we don't say these things because we don't want to offend...we want to believe people and we want them to take care of us...but first we must take care of ourselves and in the process we take care of them...If I lie to you and you accept it, I lose respect for you...If I lie to you and you refuse to be taken in...I'm mad, frantic, determined to convince...AND...in the end relieved, that you didn't buy into it...It is a great act of kindness to be true to yourself, because in the end it supports others to find their path....

It is not an easy journey...this telling yourself the truth...but it is worth the trials...you will benefit, others will benefit, life will seem more vital and you will feel more alive...tell the truth and in time it will vanquish anxiety, depression, distress and frustration...the truth (if it is yours) will set you free...It is not an argument, and you needn't argue, it is simply the truth...remember this New Years to move forward in your journey to tell yourself the truth; and in between...love the one's you're with...until next time...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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...and to you, Peace, Harmony and Love

2009-12-24T15:52:00.000-08:00

...Extra Terrestrials have been sighted less than one light year from earth...they seem to be coming in an armada or flotilla of ships...headed, apparently, directly for earth....

We are one people...earthlings...bracing for what is to come, needing to depend upon each other...now, it is time to set aside our differences, focus on what makes us one people...come together and welcome the strangers...let them know that they can not divide us...we are strong because we are one....

One day perhaps we will include them, but for now it is important to know and trust our neighbors...we have learned that the only weapon the others have brought with them is the power to play one against the other...we must be vigilant and remain resolute...we are one...one people, no matter where we are found on this planet...we will not be divided...for it is only in division that we are weak and that we will fall...If we remain true to our people, peace will ensue, security will be complete, and love between us all, will conquer...they have as much told us so...in their arrogance they said, "You, people of earth, will not stand for long before our weapons of disharmony and divisiveness...you will fall into meaningless squabbles and look to us as saviors...we will own you and your planet within the year...you are helpless before our manipulations of making you play favorites against each other...You are enslaved now in your petty fights and forever more you will be enslaved to your own weaknesses...the Algorithms"....

We have a little time, now, reach out to whomever you have a dispute, release and resolve, make peace and let it grow until nations do the same...love the ones you're with...love yourself...be well...have the happiest of holidays, however, you chose to celebrate....until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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The Day after Tomorrow...

2009-12-19T10:55:00.000-08:00

On that day things will be better...today is full of living, feelings, frustrations, things undone and yet to do and won't get done...but the day after tomorrow will be different...I hope...the day before yesterday was a good day and even if there were some problems it wasn't so bad...today is not the same at all...things are crazy, issues are real, stuff neeeeeds to be done, today....

Today, of course, is the day after tomorrow and will be the day before yesterday...It is what we have, and it is the best of all possible worlds...it is also the worst of all possible worlds and the least important of all that we want...in short, it is everything under the sun...today is what we have, precious, and practical, frustrating and wondrous...today is the moment where all your dreams will be fulfilled...not tomorrow, and not last night...today...if life has you down, or frustration is building...stop, breathe, let yourself experience your feelings...and then let go...breathe, again...and remember, today is the best time in the world, and you are everything you need to be...it has always been so and it will always be so...today is where we live and you can have peace of mind, today...if you choose...declare it to be, feel what you need to feel and move on...not sometime tomorrow, but right now, today....

I hope this will be the best holiday for each of you...and that you will feel the love, good will and joy that the winter solstice can bring as we end the seasons of planting and gathering and join hands to share the quiet of long winter nights...be well, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Disembarking from the River of Circumstance

2009-12-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today the Core Paradigm took a giant leap...If you haven't been following along, the Core Paradigm is what I call the discovery I and my friends made nineteen years ago about the nature of our unique human consciousness and motivation...It helps me and thousands of others to understand and simplify the complexity of our behaviors and provides a structure for people, mentally and emotionally, to exit their self imposed destructive circumstances and emotional boxes...It is a new way of seeing human behavior and motivation (as opposed to Mental Health)...if you are stuck in negative life patterns, even occasionally, or feeling negative emotions, too often, understanding the Core Paradigm can allow "YOU" the big YOU to re-emerge in situations and circumstances that previously only the reactive 'you' (called, the Auto/Protector self) operated...the result is a more balanced and productive life....

A quick review...The Core Paradigm is deceptively simple: Two selves...one Authentic, creative, imaginative, self expressive...motivated by curiosity, productivity, service; and experiencing love, goodwill, integrity, high self esteem and feelings of peace, tranquillity, serenity and well being:

The other self...the auto/protector self...driven by fear, pain and loss, using cunning, manipulation, and the human version of fight/flight/freeze...when we are triggered into this state of consciousness we feel fear, shame, terror, anger, frustration and distress; we experience 'either/or' thinking, anxiety, envy, jealousy, stubbornness, resentfulness and depression...I would coach people that, "We get triggered and then we cope...and exiting that state will lead to a more authentic life experience"...but....

Today a new wrinkle...every so often a client would ask, "Triggered positively or negatively?" And I would slough it off with, "No, triggers are negatively experienced circumstances or situations." They would get it, and all was good...except, there ARE "positive" triggers...there is a whole other state that has troubled me for nineteen years...I use to say that there were two kinds of people, those who were so tired of their coping behavior and its consequences that they were ready to do anything to let it go...easy to work with clients, who got a lot out of the work...and then there were the other people, who coped and their coping seemed to be successful (makes money, etc. but...)...they would come to me for coaching when circumstances seemed to be against them, but they just couldn't let go of the coping that...made them make money, or got them favors, or gave them the trappings of success...When coping seemed "to work" they were unwilling to let it go (and why should they, even if it did have a little downside or two?)...It sorta worked...but not really...what was wrong? I didn't know...then today it finally made sense....

You get "triggered" by circumstances, situations and conditions...we all do and sometime those trigger us into fight/fight/freeze ...and sometimes they trigger us into affinity/attachment/acquiring behaviors...we're happy, (like Tiger), we're getting what we want, we're succeeding...What could be better? If you're experiencing that you probably wouldn't want to stop, either...but for some of us, we do...and for many more they'd be better for it (I could never say that with certainty until today)....

What is better than getting what you want, or being attached to the things you have, or feeling life is good "because"...or having life give you a lift, or tell you how powerful you are...or give you all the trappings of success?...what indeed could be better?...if your answer is 'nothing', then thanks for reading this far, but you'd best move on now....

What is better, by far, is to get off the roller coaster of the river of circumstance...being triggered, positively or negatively, can be very problematic in today's world...if you value the sense of your own self empowerment, your own integrity, and your genuine well being...if you want to know real happiness, and experience true caring for yourself and others...you'll begin to distinguish between being a satisfied "being"...and "Happy because...." Triggered humans are "human doings", not 'human beings'....

There is a place where real happiness and well being resides...it is past the things of life, and past the momentary circumstances...it is a place that babies, who have had their NEEDS well met, reside...angelic, and serene...not needing anything and trusting that the emergence of wants will not be the death of their serenity...it is the place where many guru's strive to replicate, but it doesn't have to be only on an isolated mountain top (or in a baby's crib), and we don't have to reject wanting or having...learning how to want without it triggering us and learning to achieve without being attached to it, will be quite a trick....

My distress in life is certainly a product of forgetting that my needs are already met and moaning about the wants I have or don't have and failures to get 'whatever'...Too often, I expect, I am deriving my happiness out of winning, or getting (not needs met, but wants)...My needs are met (as all of ours are [if not we'd be dead]) I'm looking for the next stop, as I bob on the river of circumstance, and I hope you will join me, as I make a reservation to get off and get on with being...more on this later as I get a better handle on it...please feel free to chip in...it is an exciting time (or is it?)...is it circumstance, or the chance to be free...time will tell....

In the mean time, love the one's you're with, until next time...I remain, Larry

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How are you...Really?

2009-12-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

How are you? Do you answer with a perfunctory, "fine", a more detailed, explanation, or a genuine self assessment, "Feelin' a little blue, today."...in any case, "How are YOU, really?"...what does it mean to be 'fine' or 'not fine'? Your feelings are your scorecard...how you feel about stuff, is just your emotional response to the content of your life...you are fine, even if you're dying from cancer or your best friend was in a horrible accident...you're fine...being sick, frustrated, or broke are just the stuff of life, being sad is the scorecard...it's how you know that those things are not good for you...if you had no feelings, nothing would matter, "ooh, arm cut off...great, I guess"...feelings and emotions respond or react to what we hold as valuable or important in our life...so if you're feeling sad...you're fine...and some sad things are going on in your life....

Mad, glad, sad, scared, and ashamed are easy ways to understand how you're feeling...If someone asks you how you're feeling, you might wish to review those five before answering, "I'm good" which isn't a feeling at all... or, "I feel like you shouldn't be doing that" which is a thought not a feeling...but none of that addresses how you are? If you are triggered and in your fight/flight/freeze (auto/protector) state of consciousness, then you are a victim...argue that if you must, but it will be no less true at the end of your rant...you are a victim, if you're triggered by anything in life...and we all get triggered...you are a victim...but being triggered and 'feeling' the fear, sadness or shame of victim hood isn't the end of the story...YOU the big authentic YOU is fine...your auto/protector self may see things differently, but YOU has a choice....

Who YOU are is a gift...a unique and special person who views the world from a discrete point of view...YOU are fine and perhaps you are sad, scared, angry or deeply ashamed...share that with the one's you love...not as a complaint or rant...but as the truth of your fight/flight/freeze personae, who you know is trying to survive and trying to protect you from the pain and fear of your life....

When you allow yourself to grieve, own your feelings as yours and your reaction to life's little and big distractions...YOU will return and YOU will know...without doubt or fear, that YOU and 'you' are loved...that life as a dynamic state is better for your passing and participating... YOU are fine...no matter the circumstance...be well, prosper in your feelings of love and joy, celebrate your feelings of fear, shame and sadness...and let them go in the warmth of your certainty that, "this too, shall pass"...Live well, love the ones you're with and remember to express your gratitude, admiration and satisfaction each and every day, until next time I remain...Larry

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Tiger or Tigger...What's a Tigger to Do?

2009-12-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

I know, can't stand another moment of Tiger bashing...not the point...once again rationalization and misdirection are being used as arguments, bah humbug...Sometimes we get confused...sometimes obfuscation is the objective...When someone of celebrity is caught in an indiscretion we often hear, " ...I'm not perfect." as a seeming defense and admonishment to us to quit holding their feet to the fire...Tiger used that...Tigger never did...But where was it written that anyone was holding Tiger to the standard of perfection? Of decency yes, but not perfection...Is it a lack of perfection that he is being excoriated for; or a lack of decency? Is it imperfect to lie, cheat, and mislead your wife, and children; or is it simply indecent of you to do such things? No matter how common it is to cheat does that justify it or make it decent? Tiger has every right to philander, but the stand up guy image will suffer...when he chooses to display his loving family and his devotion while playing the cad, people will notice and be disappointed and will seek answers...it is the way we are...Our celebrities certainly hope we will leave them alone when their indiscretions are exposed...they ask us to RESPECT their privacy...and tell us it is a failure of perfection (but it isn't)...they, and we, can't have it both ways...all the trappings of celebrity or integrity...the wealth and admiration...and complete indifference to their egotistical self indulgence...The lying is by choice, the philandering is by choice...the unwillingness to live with dignity and decency to those you say you love is by choice...craven, 'want my cake and eat it too' (all puns intended) behavior will, when it comes to light, be fodder for the media and a cautionary tale for us all...If you live your life as if any detail may be made public tomorrow morning you would be better for it...you don't need to be perfect...Tigger may be...but you do owe it to yourself to strive to be decent, at least with your family and your friends...and if you're not...please...expect to be held accountable....Eldrick, shame on you...man up... Remember...love the one's you're with, tell the truth even when it might mean pain...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry TTFN (Ta Ta for now)

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'tis the season...for each and everyone of us...

2009-12-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

Last time we spoke of authorities and how fragmented our society has become...today we speak of the universal...goodwill, love, caring for our neighbor and the spirit of the holiday's...everyone may have their own take on just what that is to them...but the winter solstice has long been a time to reflect, a time to gather together and share the harvest that would need to last until the next spring...Joy to the world, never ending light, Peace on earth, are just a few of the universal truths we all embrace...

Winter

"For the illusion that we have not lived in Vain"

Winter begins its journey into seasons less harsh,

fading, passing from the tendrils of cobwebs

created from the long nights and freezing rain.

Ah, gone at last, we seek the renewal of spring

and cherish the buds of our own rebirth;

awakened into a world gone slightly less mad

simply because we can crawl out from under our

heavy coats, our stiff joints and sluggish thoughts.

Summer will yet bring warmth,

welcomed at first, then stifling as we labor,

like penance for the promise of payment,

in fall's gold and yellow endings.

Daze are long and lazy only for the poet;

Soon fall's abundance rests in larders

full of promise for winter

--a time to reflect and see--

has the passing, this time, made a difference?

We remain relentless, as is the folly of wars;

fought by each of us to cast out our daemons,

or by self righteous, patriotic bands of zealots

bent on saving a world whose only curse

is humanities undying need to proclaim...

"Hooray for our side."

Wars rage, men bluster, children cry,

and in the end

there is promise only in the endings

never in the fighting.

Cursed by our need for meaning,

too often, we fail to see

Winter's glory...

May you find peace and love this holiday season...

and appreciate the glory which is YOU....

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Who's in Charge Here, Anyway?

2009-11-30T09:38:00.000-08:00

For a long time, we in America, and in the western world, lived with some universal authorities (actually, all cultures live with universal authorities...it is simply the human way)...Yes, Martin Luther decried the corruption of the Catholic (meaning universal) Church and started the Protestant movement...but that just makes the point, protesting against the universal authority...Our founding fathers (maybe a mother or two) established that we had certain inalienable authorities (rights if you must) and the march that began with the Magna Carta reached fruition in America....

In America, we believed in the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the three branches of government and the two party system...We believed in our goodness, ultimately, and we believed we meant well for all the world...We were the good guys and our leaders were Washington, Lincoln, Teddy, Franklin, Ike and any of a number of Kennedy's...nobody, EVER, stood up in congress and called them a liar...and nobody, EVER, told their child they would need permission to listen to their President...we had authorities...Doctors, Lawyers, Statesmen and Clerics...Our scientists were pure and focused on truth...life for the rest of us had order and perhaps a chance at justice...then someone noticed that the Emperor had no clothes....

Today, the gen Xer's and Yer's have many authorities and none at all...and in the process it has affected us all...We are the most data inundated, communication available, information polluted generation ever...and there's not an authority in sight...Oh, I'm sorry...there are eight hundred, forty seven million, nine hundred and sixty three authorities in sight every eight minutes...it amounts to the same thing...we have no universal authorities...everyone believes anything and backs it up with everything or nothing...having a million authorities means having no authorities at all...and as fun as that may...there is a problem....

No matter what, in a social group of Human Beings when there is an absence of authority a vacuum is created...the universe hates a vacuum...and begins to fill it, but not always with the highest quality of 'stuff'...we as individuals, need authority in our lives...(even you two, who are certain[on good authority] that you don't need any %#$&*! authority...need authority)...When, as now, no ONE authority exists (by ONE I mean approximately one...majority one or consenses one) then twenty pop up then eighty and so on...WE CAN'T AGREE ON A THING!!! (and, of course, probably not even that)....

Is there global warming...or not...is religion helpful or hurtful...is free trade good or bad...is America on the side of right or just the "might side"...do we fight for oil or justice...is capitalism the root of all evil or the savior of mankind...Are they REALLY too big to fail or is it a scam???whatever the issue there aren't only two sides there are twenty, or twenty thousand, or twenty million, or twenty one more than people talking about it....

What do you believe? Who do you quote as authority to back that belief...How sure are you that your position is right! Just! The best! and how likely would it be to find ten more people in a room of twelve to agree with you? (I'd say that would be unlikely, but, of course, I couldn't get ten people in a room of twelve to agree with me....)

So, what...so we don't have any authorities anymore...who cares...the chaos it creates, the paralysis it empowers may be a good or bad thing depending on who you ask, or what search engine you prefer...but like it or not we need authorities and our society will flounder around until one emerges...maybe we should take notice and make sure it is the one we want...or not...who knows...how can anyone know anything anyway...do we really need to have authority in our life? Again, I'd say yes, but....

It already happened...Obama, was a nobody, someone outside of the political machine and he captured not only a nation, but the world, we are hungry for fresh authority, honest authority, just authority and it will not come from the bankrupt institutions that have failed us to date...we will need to search our souls and find our truths from within...we will need to learn how to trust, and what to trust, by learning the process of trusting...we will need to learn how to have faith in ourselves and the truth of our wisdom and the certainty of our uncertainty...we will need to compare our souls for common ground that over arches the failed authority of churches, governments, corporations and military urgency's...we will need to wake up...learn to live in the NOW of authentic self expression...find universal truths in living with respect, compassion, peace, kindness and service to our world and our neighbors...we must eschew the divisive, enjoy our individual practices and respect those of others...we must learn how to live with dignity and learn to support the dignity of others...we need to walk away from hostility and support others to walk away as well...we need to believe in the possible and strive for the impossible...we must take solace and give solace when we fail...we need to empower those of us who seek to lead with these values and once again show our respect for our leaders when our leaders have gained that right of respect through honesty and diligence...most of all, we need to find real authority in our lives...the kind that can be shared with confidence by our neighbors...a daunting task...may be a while before we achieve it...many of us will check out and just try to get by...not a bad thing, but, in time we will discover some new universal truths and in the mean time, remember...love the one's you're with, until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Skippy Takes a Break

2009-11-24T09:38:00.000-08:00

Skippy is my alter ego...he runs my life when conditions seem to warrant his protection...situations like trying to perform a skill, or fix something mechanical...all the situations I apparently failed at as a child at the foot of a very angry father...Skippy is my friend, he sabotages my golf shots, makes me crazy when I can't put together a Christmas present and generally makes a nuisance out of himself...when I am channelling Skippy I feel depressed, anxious, sad, frustrated, stubborn, angry, and guilty...Skippy is my friend....

The good news is you have a Skippy too...an alter ego formed in early childhood to fight the bears of your world...the feelings you have which are problematic, the behaviors which are unproductive or savagely counter to your well being...a good friend who's only job is to keep you safe...

"Good friend you say, Sounds more like a Hitler creep"...Yes, that was Skippy too...Even though Skippy can produce some hideous results, the solution to success is not to hate him or denigrate him (or her) the answer is to love him/her into submission...Skippy means well, he is just trying to cope when coping is the problem...You are trying to cope when coping is the problem...learn how to recognize when Skippy is running (spelled ruining) your life and acknowledge his/her desire to protect you and ask Skippy to take a break...eventually he/she will and YOU the big YOU can get back to being in charge of your life...name your Skippy...an affectionate playful name and learn to recognize when you have slipped into that Skippy behavior...then stop, breathe and release from the fear that drives you to be a person you just as soon not be...give Skippy a break...I have been, and my golf is far more fun and I'm scoring better too! Remember, love the one's you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Skippy and Me--Overcoming Limitations

2009-11-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that sometimes it seems that there is a glass ceiling on your life...things that just never seem to quite turn out or let you have the success (joy, peace of mind, goodwill, etc.--Pick one--) you are looking for? Boy that's been true for me. When I go out to play golf, a game I've been playing for fifty years things often get weird.

In my book "Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness" I talk about the Core Paradigm and how the fear/pain based consciousness can take over and direct our lives and results, without our Authentic Self having a say...The Auto/Protector is a powerful player in my life and yours and can keep us from having things we want in life...The Auto/protector is trying to act in your best interest to avoid pain or keep you safe but its methods often are at odds with the more rational part of us that would like to achieve certain things in our lives. In the Core Profile I often ask clients to name their Auto/protector self as a way of dis-identifying from its powerful effects in their lives...well, I decided to take my own advice... I took to calling my fear based reaction, Skippy, a light and fun name that both lightened and relaxed the angst I would feel on the golf course...the results were quite amazing...While I should be able to play competently on a golf course I was seldom breaking a hundred...shots would go everywhere but near the hole...and then when I started addressing Skippy and telling him it was okay to let Larry play once in a while things began to change...I began to really enjoy golf again...I started making pars and birdies...I hit the ball further and straighter and I began facing some of the daemons that have plagued me since childhood...You can too...Take a look at some of your coping behaviors...notice the feelings you have when you are upset and put a name to them all, as if, it was someone else using your body to feel these things and do these behaviors (because in very real ways, IT IS)...talk to this person...tell them you understand they are trying to protect you, but it is safe now and you'd like to play too...see if this separation helps you as you face anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, guilt and shame...learn that coping is just that...coping...not living and loving and being alive...learn to dis-identify from the unsuccessful behaviors in your life and bring more of YOU the big YOU to the party...until next time...Love the one's you're with...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

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When will it be alright?

2009-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the answer is today, sometimes the day after tomorrow, and for many, deep in their souls, the answer is, "When and if I get to Heaven".... When will it be alright for you? When you know that living today, with things just the way they are, is perfect...When the conditions you face are, whatever they are, but just right for you...When you stop, breathe and release from the grind of trying to fix things, or do things, or force things and begin to live with things as they are and as you choose them to be, and with love for all things in your heart...then? Okay....

"But wait!!! Choose, abuse, injustice, squalor, poverty, anger, resentment, hate and war??? Never, never, never...I want things to change, to be different, to be better...then and only then will it be alright!!! I want things to be fair and right and good...I want it to be safe for me and everyone and everyone to have a chance...I want things to work and people to care and love to win and life to sing...I want it better than it is right now...and its not...and I'm not...I'm not...and I want to be." (It's true, isn't it? A little voice speaking to you?)

It could be...it could be better right NOW...if you would be better right now, if you would take the risk to relax, to trust, to breathe, and know deep within your heart, no matter the circumstance, everything is unfolding just as it should and it is safe for YOU to be well ("no, it's not"...says your little voice screaming in your head)...allow yourself to be happy...to be at peace and ready to express your gift and love into life...making you part of the solution instead of part of the problem....("How? Oh, god please, how?", continues your little voice).

Yes, there are many things that call for our attention...but not our fear, and dread and pain...there are things to do in this world and if we do them from a place of inspiration then inspiration is what we contribute...If we live each day committed to releasing from our fear and pain and self protective ego; and begin each morning living from our authentic self expression, then each day we will be alright and the world will be just that much better for our passing thru it...Live today, as if it is the best possible day and be excited about tomorrow, as it will be better yet...acknowledge the pain and fear, but don't let its presence direct your actions or win the day...discover the truth...you are alright...better than alright...you are a gift to the world, and if you need to seek a Life coach, do so, so that you can discover that the best way you can express your gift, is to trust yourself and to love yourself; allow others to love you; then allow yourself to breathe...remember, Love the one's you're with, until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Health Care Reform? I don't think so...

2009-11-14T16:27:00.000-08:00

Let's see a show of hands...how many of you would like to see the fox in charge of the hen house? If you want eggs in the morning best to keep the fox out of your security plans...This silly debate about health care reform is really about who's going to PAY for health care...not anything about actually getting care or reforming the system of everybody grasping for the almighty (oops) not so almighty, dollar. Health care traditionally, from the beginning of time has always been about the health and welfare of the society...the witch doctor didn't work for an insurance company she worked for the community...do you really want someone making a decision about your health based on how many bills they have this month? Do you want the payment system set up like insurance where we tell you anything to get you to buy, then do everything not to pay off...come on folks...for profit doctors, hospitals, medication is a grand way to keep the very rich healthy, wealthy and wise...the rest of us can just eat cake, why, indeed, should healthcare be for everyone...what commie, pinko thought that up...oh, yeah, just about everyone's grandma...love the ones you're with...respectfully, Larry

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Even the hard times can be good

2009-11-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm sad...I haven't done enough, or been enough, or reached out enough to make a difference...I've been trapped by my own fear, hiding my abilities and withholding my power...I haven't let myself discover who I am or who you are...I've simply been enmeshed in my own struggle to survive...It happens.

I can stop, now, see the dawn, the birds in the tree outside my front window, listen to the quiet, as everything is still before the bustle of a new day...I can imagine the promise of living well...helping my friends, family and neighbors and discovering purpose in that service...And then, I want to cry...because its been too hard and I've failed to live up to that promise and I am not good enough...I vacillate between wallowing and just being...What's the point...why bother...who cares...then I answer, "I care".

It is enough. If I care, I can make a difference and I can continue to strive...I am enough even in my inadequacy...I am enough...We all struggle, sometimes without even knowing it. We get caught up in the emergencies of the day and fail to appreciate what is really important to us...what really makes us happy...when we contribute, we sing...when we serve we soar...when we give of ourselves to others we find meaning...Yes, it's fun to indulge ...and please don't hold back...but it can't hold a candle to helping a friend or person in need...we serve when we don't know who we are...then we serve knowing it is who we are...today, I will find a hundred small favors to do...from saying hello, to picking up something dropped and I will strive to remember that these things are enough and that I am enough, and that surrender is the path to enlightenment and service is the path to my soul...until next time...love the ones you're with, until then I remain...Respectfully yours, Larry

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Do Overs, Letting go of Regrets

2009-10-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, as we move along in life, it feels like we have missed an opportunity, or failed to take advantage, or held ourselves back in some important way...we have regret...or at least a little unsettling feeling that something past has left us sad. If we make a mistake, or do an injustice, or fail someone important to us...(after getting past all our denials of it's not my fault)...we may feel bad or regret our actions or inaction's. Regret is painful and often people deny having it...but denying it isn't the same as being free of it.

Sometimes, we just need a do over...make it right...take the leap...say what we couldn't, or take back what we should...Hold your hand up if you'd like a do over...Yeah, mine was up too.

Do overs would be grand, but...Yeah...do overs don't exist...or do they? When you're ready to let go of the past and get on with the NOW do overs might well be in order. One way you can release from a loss, or bad behavior is by embracing it and acknowledging its impact on you and everyone affected..."what we resist, persists...what we fully experience disappears"...If you are still bothered by a past event, see if it's true that you haven't allowed yourself to fully experience it...trust me, you haven't...let yourself embrace the full experience, past your reactions (they hate me, I'll never win, I'll never get another chance, I'm worthless, etc.) and pain, and include how it passes into "what comes next"(I'm still here and life is moving on.)...often what comes next is a do over...I'm sorry (fill in the blank____) could we have a do over"..."I really would love to hear about your day..." "Oh, my mistake cost you your arm...I wish there could be a do over, but I can't take it back...I'm sorry is only the beginning of my support for you, I will do whatever it takes to make amends?" Then, live into your commitment. (Not self flagellation,or whipping boy...but real accountability.)

When we complete an experience see the possibilities and take action we leave regret in the dust. When and if you can't do that in your life...take a moment, find an objective coach and let them help you release from the fear or pain stored from past incompletions. Regret is hoping and wishing, Do overs are for those of us ready to get on with our lives and committed to making our world and this world a better place for everyone...until next time...love the ones your with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

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Life goes on, and on, and on...don't stop believin'

2009-10-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

Lots of things wrong today...war, poverty, financial meltdown, corrupt politicians, more corrupt corporate dealings, bailouts...on and on and on...It's true, it's what's so and it's also "so what"! Yeah, things are wrong, people get hurt, unfairness abounds, kids fail to find their potential, adults lose a grip on their dreams...on and on and on....

It is what's so; but it's not the only what's so...right in the middle of one of the worst periods of U. S. politics a young man stands up and speaks of hope...and we believe...no amount of fraud and sophistry can quell the human spirit; and no amount of disillusionment can keep us from believin'....

We are optimistic. Oh, sure, we can be pessimistic about just about anything, but under it all we are resilient...you are resilient...you may be faced with things going wrong in your life and it may seem hopeless, and you may feel hopeless, or frustrated, or sad, or lonely, or depressed. You're not alone and it's not forever, until and unless you quit believin...

If it gets to the point where you can't believe anymore, find someone who does and will work with you as your life coach...and lean on them until you can find your way back...you will...I promise you...you will....

If you know you have tried and tried and tried and your problems persist, or you realize you are trapped in a no win situation...stop, breathe, and get coached...you are triggered, you are coping and you are failing to thrive...You deserve to thrive and you can and will if you only allow yourself to believe....

Believe in yourself and believe there is a coach out there waiting to help, and able to help you find your path back to the light...Life goes on and you deserve to know of happiness, productivity, to be cherished and loved...believe and act...reach out and allow yourself to experience and release from the fear and pain clogging up any aspect of your life...remember, love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, larry

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Where have all the Flowers Gone?

2009-10-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

Are you struggling, or perhaps 'trying' to be happy? There are many of us who struggle with issues that range from unhappiness about our personal image (weight, looks, etc.) to struggles with success, money, relationships, self esteem, emotional stability, or lack of purpose. Do you believe you are destined to struggle...or stand to the side while others seem to blossom. Ever ask yourself "why am I here?"

Maybe it's just a fluke of nature...a blip in the cosmos...perhaps living means nothing and our lives are pointless...complete and utter randomness...pointless in every way...what could be better than that?

There is no doubt that meaning starts and ends with you...without life, without YOU, nothing matters...You make life worth living and YOU bring meaning to all of the random actions of the universe...it has always been so.

Without our human consciousness of good, better, best, we would be no more than random events, but we are not. We are individual gifts, with the potential to love, inspire, support and admire...when we lose our way we forget who we really are and we struggle.

Life and self consciousness allow for meaning, purpose, goodness and evil...it is not 'out there' but within us...we have the power to be good and to bring good to every interaction and our forgetting that can bring pain and evil. When we are hurt, and helpless, or struggling to 'get', when we stuff our vulnerability, fear and pain, steeling ourselves against the bears in our lives, we can become part of the processes that send our society into chaos...when we stop and surrender to our pain and fear we can release from our dramas and misdeeds and become a powerful force for good in our world....

Are you struggling? Then stop, surrender, breathe, believe in yourself and in the inate goodness of our collective universe...if that is hard for you, find someone who will help you and guide you to discover your own inner harmony...if you want to know what faith is...take a leap of faith, no matter the current circumstances, that you are good and worthy and a gift, that all is unfolding as it should...and then have faith in the truth that you are loved unconditionally and that you have the power to love unconditionally, that in time it will make a difference and bring that faith to each of your interactions until it becomes true in your life...

You are the light, you are the joy, you are the meaning and purpose and gift that each of us cherish...if this is less than absolutely true for you, then your task is clear...FIND IT...until next time, I remain, respectfully yours, Larry

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Greed, a love story

2009-10-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

I went to see "Capitalism: A Love Story" and was confronted with how little it had to do with capitalism and how much it told the story of greed. Perhaps, the message is that capitalism shall inevitably lead to greed and while I doubt that, I don't wish to debate it. What I am quite sure about is that greed and self absorption have played an increasingly destructive role in the corporate community and in our own lives...either as the victim of it or the sirens song of striving to get ours....

The helplessness many of us feel at the hands of the corporate giants is palatable today. The rationalizations used by industry to cut portions, raise prices, lower quality, cut corners and lay waste to their employees, hurt each and every one of us. We live in our society and are affected by the levels of injustices we are confronted with; but we are even more affected by the injustices that tear at the heart of our social fiber and individual integrity. We have turned the corner away from social justice and are hurtling headlong down the path of power plays, swindled riches, and social rationalization.

"We have an obligation to our stockholders", "we deserve huge bonuses", "we're too big to fail"...etc. etc. etc... If you're caught up in this, or other rationalizations, or just the head long pursuit of social media self aggrandizement and self promotion... AND you are feeling just a little empty or lost...then maybe it's time to take stock.

We are all in this together...in what?...in living on this planet...what YOU do does make a difference...character does count...caring for your neighbor will bring great rewards...saying no to greed, saying no to your boss who wants you to mislead, stopping yourself from denying someone health care because it's too expensive for your company...lying cheating, rationalizing, losing your sense of honor and fair play are done by people caught up in the rush to short term profit, or self agrandizement; and/or caught up in thinking that their small voice has no power against the tidal wave of social injustice...they are wrong...live your life caring for others, because you will soon learn it amounts to caring for yourself...stand up against unfairness, injustice, rationalization, self absorption and greed...do it today...enlist the aid of your friends and let's put a stop to greed and begin to live with peace....

Go see Capitalism ignore the dogma, be outraged by the injustice and resolve to do better, be better and have better...until next time...love the ones you're with...Until then I remain...Yours truly and respectfully, Larry

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Allowing Love: a Journey into Joy

2009-07-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

So, do you know how much you are loved? Does it matter...really? We too often find ourselves living day to day moment to moment frustrated by the stresses of our lives. Yes, we know people love us, and yet, we still must face the burdens of our lives...we seldom trust that that love is enough or expressed to our satisfaction.

Finances, relationships, bosses, success, smog, rudeness, kids, or whatever, fill our lives with stress, angst, worry and toil...and if it isn't any of those perhaps it is simply our distress at how we are doing....

Are you a good person, kind enough, fair enough, skilled enough, just enough...and perhaps even more importantly acknowledged enough? Where is peace, and respect and honor? Is your life filled with riches, or full of 'opportunities' to overcome...are you the author or the pen...are you the paddle or the ping pong ball...who are you as you rise up in the morning?

May I suggest that you are loved...not your behavior, not your attitudes, not even your effort...just you...the one who occupies your body, sees the world through your eyes and feels each experience so intensely. I love you...I know that I do...If I do not know you that is little consequence...you are loved, cherished, appreciated, admired, respected for the gift you are...if you doubt it go find a new born infant, take a moment to be with him or her, ask yourself if you can find love for this child...if you can't it is only because you are too afraid to look...and if you can notice it is not conditioned on anything that infant can do...your love is limitless and the love in your life is as well...if this seems untrue or unimportant it is a perfect time for you to stop.

Stop what you are doing just as soon as you can reasonably do so and breathe...take stock in yourself...allow yourself an opportunity to surrender...dedicate your life to discovering and allowing love back in your life...notice how you withhold it from others "because"...and stop that...find love within yourself, find compassion within yourself and give it to everyone you meet until you can see and experience that everyone is giving it to you.

Allow love in your life and let it replace your troubles...allow love in your life and let it replace your judgements of others...allow love in your life and let it be...let it be.

You are loved...and perhaps so am I...I love you and admire you and I am terribly afraid that that is not enough...it is the burden I carry and it is lighter today because I know that today I am filled with your love...because today I know you love me...even when you may not know that yourself...You are loved and so am I...be well, until next time...I remain...Yours Truly, Larry

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Livin' Easy, Livin' Well

2009-02-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

How are you today? I hope you are well and that your life is full of joy and satisfaction...I hope you are traveling your chosen path with energy and enthusiasm and I hope you feel fulfilled and productive with relationships that inspire and delight you...is that too much to ask for?

For many, it may seem too much to ask for...for some life is full of drama, pain, distress, upset and dissatisfaction...if this is true for you even some of the time you may wish to look at how your survival consciousness is getting in the way. Survival consciousness is the part of our awareness that tries to solve our problems using fight or flight as its tools...this is a natural and normal part of being human, but it is also the cause of most of the relationship and life living problems people deal with on a day to day basis.

A good tool for you to use is to see what is bothering you and then ask yourself will beating it up or running away "REALLY" solve this problem...if your answer is NO, then you may want to look at whether or not you have been triggered into your fight/flight/freeze consciousness.

You can easily tell if you have, because you will notice your options are either/or and not very appealing in any case...You will be looking for agreement and allies from others and you will be acting in very familiar ways and saying very familiar things about the problem.

If that is the case then take a break...take a few deep breaths and surrender your reactive, angry, helpless, frustrated, or hopeless mind to the possibility that your problem has now become your fight/flight consciousness.

Stop what you're doing and allow for the return of your Authentic Self...Seek out someone who neither agrees or disagrees with you and let them guide you through your fear and distress until once again you can see the situation as an opportunity to express your goodwill and good intentions...be with your feelings of pain, loss, and fear and allow them to pass...Seek surrender and learn how that feels for you until you no longer need to manage and can allow life to be...grow into your potential and let the grip of fight flight subside...Be well and love the ones you're with...until next time I remain...Yours Truly, Larry

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All Things Great and Small

2008-09-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone...today is a grand day...a time of reflection and appreciation...a time of love and respect...a time of joy and well being...today is grand, it is timeless and is always with us, for tomorrow shall never come...it will always and forever be the promise and never the reality...today is NOW, and NOW is all any of us ever have.

Tomorrow, I will go in for surgery and it sometimes scares me...being "knocked out", hoping to wake up...I am scared...I am afraid my body will let me down...I feel small, a little boy crying for his momma...Tomorrow does that to us...it scares us sometimes and makes us feel small...but that's tomorrow and tomorrow will never come...today I feel grand...I feel whole and strong and perhaps a little excited about the adventure that awaits me. Today I am surrounded by love and people who care about me...I hear from my friends and family and what I hear amazes and pleases and takes my breath away...How much caring and love and goodwill exists for me is truly breathtaking...I don't always let myself know that...I don't always let myself be nurtured by that...I don't always let myself bask in that radiant glow...do you?

Too often, we get caught up in what is not working, or what needs to happen, or what isn't happening to our liking and in the process we forget what truly matters...Our love and their love; our peace and harmony and their goodwill and healing thoughts...I have had more expressions of love, good thoughts, energy and healing than I thought could exist...and each precious gift is hungrily accepted...I want you to find that in your life...It is there, I know it is.... I know it, because I feel it for you...I know others do as well...try to remember that and that 'today is a grand day', full of promise and full of love. It is a day like no other, rich with goodwill, grace, and peaceful harmony...You don't need to be facing surgery to discover it and once discovered you do not need to ever let it go...I have relearned that lesson today and I shall hold it close to my heart, as I go gently into the night...Today is grand...full of love...full of promise...full of joy and tomorrow I will remember that and be glad that it is today and everyday will bring me peace and healing and another opportunity to feel the love I have and receive from all who share this journey with me...Be well and until next time...I remain loving and respectfully yours, Larry

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Discovering Your Personal Power--Part Two

2008-08-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Hi...thanx for waiting...I talked about personal power in the last blog and I want to continue with that because it is at the foundation of our ability to be happy and satisfied in this life. One of the largest struggles any of us has is with addiction...You don't have addictions? Well, let's take a look and see. We can become addicted to almost anything. We are all familiar with drug and alcohol addictions, and most of us would grant food and sex can be addictive for some; but what about T.V. or games, or sports, or 'danger'? We get addicted to all kinds of activities and substances, chocolate, ice cream, etc. So what?

So what, is so we are no longer the author of our own life. We will rationalize and defend our addictions and swear we 'like' doing them, but the truth is we are their slaves. We will sabotage those we love, spend money and health on them and cut off our nose to spite our face to keep them going. Do you have an addiction? It might be worth exploring because the addictive aspect is being lost in your auto/protector and 'using' the addiction to avoid some important aspect of your life.

If you can see it (and believe me that is a big if) you can release from it and take back your personal power. In some cases you will need a 'program' or coach or guide to help you. Often you will need the support of your family and certainly you will need your willingness to face the addictive quality of the behavior.

Live free of your addictions and be watchful you don't replace one with another. Stay connected to people who ARE NOT associated with your addiction. Seek surrender, and personal honesty...tell the truth...and in this case at least, IT WILL SET YOU FREE! You are a child of the universe, you belong here, it is a benevolent place for you to be...find where those things are true for you and love the ones you're with...until next time I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Releasing from addiction can seem like a nightmare, but it is a dream come true...hold on to that piece of wisdom and take actions to achieve freedom...you will be forever rewarded.

An Action YOU can Take...as part of your self assessment ask others if they see you as addicted to anything...tell them you would really like their opinion and the harder it is to listen will guide you to the truth.
,

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Discovering Your Personal Power

2008-07-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

Most of the problems we have are an issue of our own personal power. If you were omnipotent (all powerful) whatever was bothering you would be 'no problem' at all. You would change it, fix it, make it disappear, turn it to your advantage...but you're not omnipotent and your issues persist.

The serenity prayer attempts to deal with this dilemma by giving you some 'very' sage advice: "Change what you can, accept what you can't and know the difference between the two..." (Sorry for the editing), but we often fail to heed this advice often on all three counts...we don't see all we can really do, or act on it; we don't have a clue what is intractable and unchangeable, and get down right 'pissed' that it ain't goin' our way; and we generally make no distinction at all between the two and fight every battle winnable or not.

What I think we need are some further guidelines. If you are going to be happy, if you are going to feel good, if you are going to have success and if you are going to experience great self esteem; you are going to have to experience your personal power. So, what are you more powerful and successful at doing: getting someone to do what you want or helping them get what they want; getting someone to listen to you or listening to them; wanting what you don't have or embracing what you do have; demanding that things change or accepting that things are what they are and will inevitably change in the fullness of time?

When you feel frustrated over any situation, or you are distressed about any circumstance; stop, take a moment to review the above and see how you can apply the winning strategies. Find out what others REALLY want, listen, embrace the good in them and accept that the change you are seeking will only occur when this person can be okay with you either way. This last part is the hardest, but who said you can't do hard things?

next time we will look at applying these things to yourself...breaking the cycle of addictions we all have to our failures and tearing down our self esteem by failing to live "up to" every one's expectations...especially our own...until then, love the ones you're with and find and be sure that includes YOU...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Your pain is a reflection of your perceived ineffectiveness...It is a lie. YOU are perfectly effective and perfectly capable of being the whole, loving and cherished being we all appreciate.

An Action you can Take...Whatever 'bugs' you, stop, breathe, and release. Feel your feelings and own them as your reaction, not as 'caused by the person, event, or circumstance'; but as the natural reaction of 'you' the auto/protector, trying to save your life. Own this and you will be one step closer to taking 'real' control over your life.

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Is today Paradise?

2008-07-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

What will today bring? Will you be happy, sad, irritated, frustrated, frazzled, excited or thrilled? Perhaps, all of the above. If you have a lot of different thoughts, experiences, feelings and attitudes...good for you. Sometimes, though, people get stuck in the same old rut, doing the same old things, feeling the same old feelings and they forget that today is Paradise.

We look out at the world and see all the vastness and all the people and sometimes we feel alone...but we are not alone. We are in this together; all four billion of us. We delude ourselves into thinking we are not one tribe. We look at petty differences, language, race, culture and location (petty?) and think that makes us different...it doesn't. Everyone here is here with you this minute, this moment...what you do, every action you take makes a difference.

If you take a moment and realize you are part of this amazing crazy quilt world and every small act of kindness is multiplied endlessly, you will be amazed at the sense of belonging you can muster. You may wonder if that is so, then is the corollary also true; if we do some injury is that multiplied endlessly? Well, let's take a look.

If you do an unexpected kindness what are the feelings engendered? Goodwill, gratitude, generosity, openness, pleasure and more begin to drive the energy of both you and those around you. What are the feelings generated by some bit of nastiness? Withdrawal, anger, distress, upset, sadness and, of course, revenge drive us and those around us. Which do you think has the most influence on us? If you think it is revenge, think again.

We all seek pleasure and well being. We respond to goodwill, kindness and love far more powerfully than the negative emotions of our fight/flight/freeze personality. Ice cream will always win over Castor oil and your little acts of kindness will always succeed over the meanness that thrives in our world only out of our fear to be generous.

Today is Paradise on earth for you and everyone you come in contact with if you chose to allow it. Go out today and discover for yourself what a beautiful world this really is...allow it to be your canvas; make the choice to love the ones you're with and surrender to the light of your Authentic Self...until next time...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: You always have a choice, COPE or feel your authentic feelings. If you choose the former you will bring pain to yourself if the latter you will experience your life and joy will never be far away.

An Action YOU can Take...After reading this take a moment to allow it to settle in, and then go forth with the intention to find some small act of kindness that you can do with the next half dozen people you meet...maybe an unexpected smile and nod, or a heartfelt how are you, or just a kind word or gesture, but do it for every single person you see and then reflect...are you a little closer to Paradise?

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Do You Have Faith?

2008-07-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

Uh, oh...is this going to be a religious tract? I think not. Faith is not dogma, nor is it the exclusive property of one religion. Faith is a very real process available to anyone, atheist, agnostic, Christian, Muslim, Jew, or YOU. What you chose to have faith 'in' is up to you...that you engage the activity of faith can be curative.

When you lose faith what remains; and empty shell, a vacant stare, a hopelessness? No, when you lose faith what remains is 'you'...the little you struggling for survival. When you lose faith in your dreams, in your happiness, in the goodness of your children, spouse, parents, co-workers, friends and especially in yourself, what remains, is your hard scrabble life of bickering, misunderstanding, anger, hurt, victim hood and grief.

Faith is the mental process, available to your Authentic Self, that allows YOU to see past the transient upsets, dislikes, and fear based reactions of yourself and others. Faith will allow you to lose weight, or break an addiction, or heal a relationship, or overcome emotional distress or surrender your desperation. Faith will allow you to 'heal' your dis-ease.

If you ask 'faith in what' you have missed the point. Faith is the authentic experience of wholeness, peace, acceptance and possibilities in the here and NOW. Surrender is the path to faith and the path to release from the grind of daily worries, failures, and unhappiness that dot the lives of too many of us.

When you can say, "I do not know how this will work out; I do not know how I will accomplish this; I do not know how to correct this; I do not know how to be at peace with this...and I have faith that my 'knowing how' is not important...", YOU have taken the first step in your journey of achieving true success and happiness. When you cease to manage and manipulate your life and those around you, you give space for your Authentic spirit to emerge and new experiences to present themselves.

If you remain stuck in survival, no matter what the issue is, you will never truly be happy. If you have faith, that 'this too shall pass' and that 'your life is perfect right now', you begin to open the door to real freedom of experience. When you see the patterns of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in your life as a reflection of your own fear; and you can allow for your faith in the possibilities of things being both exactly as they are, AND truly different, you are on the path to a new adventure.

Faith defies your survival logic. Faith defies your urges and NEEDS. Faith defies your certainty and self righteousness. Faith is the experience of loving the ones you're with and surrendering to the light of your essential goodness...right NOW...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: 'you' is in pain and needs to fight or run...cherish that and remember it is not YOU that is trapped in the struggle. YOU are okay, YOU are able and capable and whole and have survived...when 'you' is ready, YOU will emerge...your love will make it so.

An Action you can Take...Stop, relax, listen to the sounds around you...breathe, open yourself up to your emotions...notice, allow, embrace your fear, pain and loss by knowing it is in the past and your present is NOW and 'you' is safe. Let the fear and pain be and focus on your breath...the subtle sounds...the smells, and sensations of your body...notice that YOU are not any of these things...YOU are the essence that is experiencing them all.

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Blindness is not simply a matter of Eyesight

2008-07-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

With what do you struggle? Are you unhappy with your self; weight, job, habits, addiction, emotions...what? Are your relationships less than fulfilling, or are your kids not doing what they should? Do you struggle with money, or sex? What is keeping you from really living the life you always hoped and dreamed was possible--could it be blindness?

Yes, not only could it be, it probably is! Humans (that means you and me) have a special part of their brain that allows them to act in the face of pain, fear and loss. This level of consciousness creates enormous blind spots for people trying to navigate today's modern world. If you are struggling with any chronically unresolved issue...you too, have a gaping blind spot that is keeping you struck in this unresolved, repetitious, life script.

If you are finally tired of beating your head against the wall you might consider getting some assistance in 'seeing' where your blind spots are and releasing back into your Authentic Self.

If your consciousness is spinning the same old stories you need an assist from a consciousness that is not bogged down in the same script. That means getting a life coach who is capable of stepping far enough back to 'see' what it is that your auto/protector doesn't want you or anyone else to see...BUT, (and here comes the hard part) you have to be willing to empower your coach to look in those corners and you have to be willing to relinquish your fight/flight/freeze control enough for your coach to do his/her job.

That's where, "are you tired enough" comes in...Are you tired enough of your 'racket' to take the definitive step to let it go? You are not the victim, you are not helpless, you are not hopeless, you are not at your wits end and you are not incapable of solving ANY of the issues facing you...but you are stuck in fight/flight/freeze consciousness and you will need to let the light of another human 'Authentic Consciousness' shine in that darkness.

Find a Life Coach today and begin to unravel the string that is so tightly wound around the struggle you call 'your life'. Love the ones you're with and let the good times role...Until next time...I remain, respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: Struggle and stress are sometimes useful, but they are never chronically useful.

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a familiar upset/irritation...stop, breathe and then say, " Help, I need a new story to deal with this situation." Say it to yourself if it's about your self image, or your spouse, child, boss, friend, or whomever...say it and mean it and ask for their input (or guidance from your inner guide)...see if you get a new perspective...you might be surprised.

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Why should you Seek Life Coaching?

2008-06-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

Why indeed? Not a simple answer. 'YOU' needs nothing; 'you' needs the support of another untriggered consciousness in order to 'come down' from the survival drives and urges running and ruining your life. 'YOU' is not always in control of your life; 'you' takes over in times of stress, loss, fear and pain and that shift of your conscious mind can become chronic in today's world.

When you try to deal with life problems you are naturally driven to fight/flight/freeze options and that just isn't good enough to solve the issues with which most of us cope. Having someone that you can trust and rely on to allow you to surrender control and open the space for YOU to re-emerge is an absolute necessity for dealing with any of the chronic problems we face today.

It can be mind bending to appreciate that 'YOU' is not 'you'. The 'I' you use when referring to yourself is sometimes 'i'. This is not simply rhetoric, it is a fact of your self conscious awareness. When you say, "I am sick and tired of your blah, blah, blah..." you are not refering to the same self conscious being that says, "I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to hurt you and blame you, or judge you that way. I was just upset and scared at the time and I let myself speak my frustration." Speaking your frustration is another way of saying the 'little you' was in charge of your actions. YOU are not your fight/flight/freeze coping reactions; they are the exclusive province of your auto/protector self. (The little you or 'i').

When you are stuck in the same feelings, life situations, emotions, or distress 'you' NEEDS a life coach. It may be your therapist, or pastor/priest, or someone you know as wise and trustworthy, but whomever you choose you need to access their Authentic Self and see through their eyes 'you' and 'YOU' so that you might be reminded of who 'YOU' really is. (I know very strange grammer). In order for YOU to re-emerge the little you must lessen its grip and the only way to do that is to find a safe enough environment for YOU to see the bigger picture.

Find a life coach today and begin your journey to a happier, more rewarding life. Learn to see for yourself the power your auto/protector has in keeping you from having the things you truly seek. If you struggle with body image, emotions, jobs, kids, relationships, career or "mental health" issues, chances are you are struggling with issues of fight/flight/freeze...go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and read more about this. Until next time, love the ones you're with...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: 'YOU' is love, compassion, curiosity, imagination, kindness, generosity and productivity. If these are not the things of your life everyday and in every way 'you' is taking up too much of your time.

An Action YOU can Take...Take a moment to assess your life...write down the complaints you have and notice how distressed you are when dealing with these issues. Step back and breathe...then see if you are ready to give up your distress. If 'yes' then do so; if 'no' then contact someone who can help 'you' discover the road to freedom and peace of mind.

Being Happy

2008-06-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

What do you need right NOW to be happy? You may have a list or you may have just one thing, "...that if you had it you could be happy!" So, go ahead make that list and then evaluate your life and add anything you think might need to be added for your life to be happy. Be sure to look at every aspect of your life, relationships, family, kids, finances, sex, money, body image, self esteem, personality, emotional well being, spirituality, time off, friends, mental health, habits, addictions, phobias, jobs, skills, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....

What is holding you back from being the happiest person alive? Find out, and then we'll correct it and you will get to be happy...isn't that great? Oops, don't believe me do you. You're unhappy about, "whatever you're unhappy about", and no amount of blogging is going to do anything at all about that. Right? Only if you say so! and if you're unhappy you do, "say SO!"

What makes you happy? Lots of things, I know...but what really, really, really would make you absolutely happy? Not sure? Nothing? Great, you win the Kewpie doll...NOTHING will make you happy and nothing ever has...You chose to be happy whenever you chose to...nothing else matters. You get to be happy when you say, "gosh, I feel happy..." and nothing has to change except your willingness to declare your own happiness. So, let's get started on you. Let's find out what's keeping you from choosing to declare your own happiness. What is stopping you from being happy right NOW...nothing but your belief in and your unwillingness to complete your grieving of the fear and pain of your past or the expectations of it in your future...Be happy...choose happy...choose well being and when your fear based mind starts explaining, "WHY" that is not wise for you...make a few notes and begin to appreciate that nothing but your unwillingness to grieve and let go stands between you and being happy. It's not easy being happy; you have to let go of your determination to fix things change things, or overcome things...you have to grieve the loss...and your survival mind won't let you do that...(it always says, "what would happen if I just let you be happy with THIS or THAT issue in our lives...it would be just like giving up and 'i' won't let you do that.")

If you find that you are stuck...get help...get unstuck by working with a life coach of your choosing and discover the traps your auto/protector has set for you to remain unhappy and unsatisfied. Life is full of trials and tribulations, but that is still no reason to be unhappy...if you are chronically unhappy you are trapped by your survival consciousness and it is unnecessary and surely unwelcome...find the light and love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Being sad doesn't mean you aren't a happy person and being upset doesn't mean you aren't okay. These things are temporal reactions to external circumstances and so long as you allow them to pass on you will remain full of joy and well being.

An Action YOU can Take...discover the source of your chronic unhappiness and dissatisfaction by doing the suggested exercises...then take some time to allow these struggles to release...and breathe...breathe until you can face the situations with a sense of humor and peace of mind that allows for the circumstance to exist or pass without your needing it to be different...that you want it to be different is fine, that you need it to be is the source of your misery.

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How the Core Paradigm can Help You

2008-06-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

You know, when we speak, we are confident about a few things, at least. We are confident that when we say 'I' we mean to refer to ourselves. When we say we like something, we do; and when we say we hate something, we really do. When we say, "That's just the way 'I' am...we mean it...or do we?

The Core Paradigm is a discovery about the nature of the single most important aspect of being human; it is a discovery about the nature of our self conscious awareness. All mammals are aware and some may have some form of self awareness; but humans depend entirely on their ability to REFER things (everything) to themselves. We could not evaluate if we didn't know what was good for us or bad for us. It isn't that something is good for itself, it is good because we say it is and the same for bad.

When we developed the capacity of self reference it was first and foremost a survival imperative. "I kill you", I eat you" I sacrifice you to the Gods, so the tribe will have good fortune". We developed a powerful survival self consciousness which would guide all our fight/flight reactions...and then something odd happened; we developed a level of self conscious awareness that was driven by a new part of our ever expanding brain (the neo-cortex) which allowed us to understand ourselves in the context of all the universe. The 'Authentic Self' emerged as Homo Sapien, Sapien began walking the earth; and it brought with it the power to live with dreams, possibilities and promise for a brilliant tomorrow.

This dichotomy of two self conscious awarenesses has set us up for amazing capabilities and incredible pain. The 'I' of your auto/protector is NOT the 'I' of your Authentic Self...that is the simple explanation of the Core Paradigm. One person, two self consciousnesses, operating in a single body, using your language skills and running all of our behavior. We must use a form of self conscious awareness to guide all of our actions, but not the same self conscious awareness in every case.

When you are triggered by events you are no longer the same self conscious being you were a split second before being triggered. You use your conscious tools to defend yourself and rationalize your behavior. You say you hate, or despise, or can't stand something, but all that means is it is a threat to you and you need to get away from it or destroy it. When you come down from the adrenalin high of auto/protector behavior, you will say things like 'I' didn't mean that, of course I'll try it, I was just being foolish and many other statements that are now equally true.

When you are acting out of your survival mentality your wants, needs, and desires are nothing like what you really want, need or desire when you can access and use your Authentic personality. Discover this for yourself...it will make a difference to you as you begin to become aware of your auto/protector self and how uniquely different it is from who you really are. Authentic awareness is the key to overcoming most of the chronic life living problems you face. (go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and read more about the Core Paradigm; buy the book, Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness.) You can have it all, happiness, well being, peace of mind, goodwill and harmonious relationships if you will become the author of your life...not the pre-scripted book of the auto/protector.

Learn to face your distressing situations with your Authentic Self still awake and available...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Anger and fear are the emotions of the auto/protector...they are not you...you are the one feeling those emotions and being present to life in all its struggle and all its glory.

An Action you can Take...When faced with upset of any kind ask yourself, What am I afraid of here?" and don't stop until you discover what is driving you to be in your defensive fight/flight mode of operation. Then feel the fear, pain, or loss and rediscover your compassion, appreciation and aliveness as you address these situations with love.

A Reader Wrote...Follow-up

2008-06-06T13:01:00.001-07:00

My Reader gave me a few more details and wrote;

It seems like the last two weeks have flown by and I am still almost spinning...(My friend) After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry. However, I always say "there is a reason why people and or me, do the things we do", and who knows his ex's side of it? I try very hard not to judge...The important thing is that I think about (he) and I separately from that, and see how he treats me.
As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are the kids to accepting and all the things that could happen. Again I am working on keeping my focus on "US" and step back sort of, and see what happens. The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good (Bold mine) through our relationship...

Several things come to mind as I read this note...the author says,

"...After 30 yrs of marriage and finding out his ex cheated on him and if all is true what he has told me, I think (his anger)...would be normal. I think most anyone would be angry...."

Anger IS normal and if it will spur a person to defeat the "bear" or win the battle it is effective...but most of our anger lingers and has no place in our present life...being generally angry, or being angry after the 'divorce' is staying stuck in our fight/flight consciousness, and while that is VERY common it is not productive or effective for any person or for those around them.

Our task, should we decide to accept it, is to learn how to release from our auto/protector self and fight/flight anger, which will free us to move on and have the kind of relationships we desire. My reader seems to be handling her friends anger well and giving him the space he needs; but this is no easy task...The hard part is remembering his anger isn't personal even if he finds some current situation to blame...and he will! Getting angry at someone who is angry with us becomes a never ending self fulfilling prophecy. It is our task to break that cycle and allow the others anger without taking it personally...YOU really are okay, even when and if you make a mistake. Almost all anger at each other is misplaced anger.

The reader went on to say,

"...As you know it can be difficult for people my age, or ours, to fit in with another possible mate. There are ....all the things that could happen.... The main thing at this point is we like each other as people and if it remains like that we have a good chance to hope for something good through our relationship...."

This is one of the most common mistakes we make. I wrote back to her, "Something good has already occurred and is occurring each moment you choose to be present and real with each other...try not to get trapped in the issue of, 'where this is going and waiting for it to be good later' it isn't going anywhere...it just IS and it's good NOW. The main thing and ONLY thing is you like each other as people'...let that be enough and take it one day, one moment at a time...be present in the moment face each challenge with goodwill and good humor, and all will take care of itself .

People of any age face the challenge of 'allowing love to flourish'...People of middle age are often far better prepared for that than most...so don't any of us sell ourselves short...relax...let events unfold however they will and choose to be at peace with whatever twists and turns present themselves.

Talk of possible mate or anything else seems far too premature and unnecessary...in the fullness of time you may choose many paths for this relationship none need be better than any other...allow yourself to be whole in each exchange with your relationships and let your inner guide direct the flow...allow the wonder of being with each other...Relax, and enjoy the ride..."I remain, until next time...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Getting caught up in "what's next" keeps us from fully experiencing "What is"...Which keeps us from being happy and living well Now.

An Action YOU Can Take...Live in the moment, give praise, respect and appreciation, and allow your relationships to be exactly as they are...breathe deeply and release your expectations, so that YOU might see what IS. Take an even bigger breath and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...it will set you free.

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A Reader Wrote...

2008-06-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

A reader wrote to me after looking in on the first finding Mr. Right,

Dear Larry,
"I was able to get into the web-site and it is very informative. I also put it into my favorites. I will finish reading it and re-read it now that I can. I have a very bad attitude and hopefully one day it will be better. Since my boyfriend died, 8 yrs ago I have done soooo much to try to improve my life. But, the bottom line, is that I haven't been successful in finding someone to share my life with.

I know a lot is in an attitude so when I do meet someone (a man) I try hard to be nice and ask them questions to learn about them, whatever? I try hard, maybe too hard? I do not think so, just keeping it light and sometimes just joking around. Almost playful. BUT, WHATEVER IT IS, THE one or ones I like just move on. I am soooo tired of them moving on .... I am not going to ask you what is it? I am sure it could be many things. . . I used to give until it hurts. I know too much now and can not do that but I do give as much as I can in any relationship. My nature. I work on my co-dependant issues. I have attended a 12 step meeting for years now.

I feel like if there is a God, why am I still here in this house, without friends (have one or two) lonely, until I can not cry anymore, and my prayers are for nothing? I know that isn't right to expect something for my prayers but how do I not feel like I am just alone and almost being punished?

Sorry to go on and on but it is very difficult for me to be just "BE" sometimes (bold added) without my loneliness overwhelming me....your reader

I wrote to her and told her to keep reading...that there was a lot in her letter. Most of what was there was her pain and angst brought on by the constant reminder of her loneliness. She was struggling to recognize her triggered consciousness and "trying to figure it out" (coping) was starting to overwhelm her...coping is like that and recognizing when you're coping is HARD. A few weeks later I received this letter from her;

Hi Larry, Sorry to take so long in answering you. Much has happened since I wrote to you. About a year and a half ago, I met a man at a single's dance. He was in the process of getting a divorce, and appeared to be very angry. It scared me and after giving me his phone # I never called him. Well, I have seen him lately at a few more of the dances and last Friday he asked me to dance again. We talked until 3:00 am. He was as lonely as I and really wanted to talk to someone. It turns out he only lives about 10 min from me.
Well, I have no idea where it is going, but he seems to be wanting to be with me a lot and I feel the same.

Yes, my attitude has changed. It is amazing, not actually, how nice it is to share my thoughts and feelings with a man and not have him reject me. Yes, it could happen and at my age. I have been through a lot of disappointments in myself and others but will damn try my best to just let it be and see what happens? (bold added)

I am attracted to him but he probably would not have been my preference and I am thinking maybe that is a good thing.

Larry, I can go on and on and tell you so many things and whatever you would like to add to your writings, so far what I have written, would not be a problem for me to say "O.K." ... but even though I may (not) have sounded like it, I did always have some hope. I am scared as hell, but will do my best.......
thanks, your reader.

Yes, at her age and at your age whatever that may be life can shift and you can have what until now has bedeviled you. Coping is the problem...fight/flight, auto/protector consciousness does shut us down from having what we want...look at the difference in the tenor of her two letters and notice how much Authentic beingness is in the second...learn to trust that the only chronic problems you have are being stuck in your fight/flight perspective and when you release LIFE AND LIVING BEGIN...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for the Day: Coping is everything you do when upset, stressed, struggling or 'dealing' with the issues in your life. Life begins when you allow love and compassion to rule your actions and you tell the truth about your pain without needing it to change...it inevitably will....

An Action YOU can Take...The next time you are faced with a 'problem' tell whoever it is you are struggling with that you are triggered and that you either want to fight it or withdraw...apologize to them for making it worse and ask them what they would like to do to help make it 'better', 'work', etc. Take a few deep breaths and listen, acknowledging when and if their suggestions continue to trigger you...then see if you can find your vulnerable feelings and share those....

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Celebrate your Life--Breaking the Cycle of Distress

2008-06-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

Lots of things get us down...upsetting relationships, job stress, personal image, parents, parenting, self esteem issues, insecurities, envy, jealousy, loneliness and more. Sometimes these issues become chronic and we become anxious, depressed, or angry and hopeless. We may become moody and increasingly unsatisfied with ourselves and the life we lead.

We may seek to fill our increasing dissatisfaction by associating with others who will agree with us, or do our bidding, or take our abuse or give us abuse, but none of that will ever work. In this case "work" means, bring us happiness and well being. We may isolate, or descend into our own pity party, or talk endlessly about, "what's wrong". We may manipulate others to feel sorry for us, or make others feel worse than we do; but again NONE OF THAT WILL WORK.

If you are unhappy, or dissatisfied, or bored, or miserable, or scared, or upset with yourself and/or your life, too much of the time; it's well past time to get over it! And the grand news is, YOU CAN!

Your misery, no matter what form that comes in, is only possible because you are a self conscious being...it is only possible because you have a self conscious, fight/flight persona we call the auto/protector self. If you exit your fear driven conscious mind you exit your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life.

"Fine, Larry, how do I do that?"

Glad you asked. A long time ago psychiatrists discovered that if you gave a depressed patient a big enough jolt of electricity they often stopped being depressed. They didn't know why it worked, but they knew it did...Why do you suppose it worked? The simple answer is that the patient forgot what it was they were thinking about that they felt the need to depress...in other words they shocked them right out of their fight/flight mentality.

You don't have to stick your finger in a light socket in order to improve the quality of your life. You don't have to take pills or go through endless psycho-analysis. What you do need to do is reawaken your Authentic Self consciousness and the easiest way I know to do that is to celebrate what ever it is that has got you going. Start your day with a self assessment and no matter what you find celebrate it.

"I am fat and ugly! I hate that! No one likes me because I am so fat and ugly! My kids do drugs, my mom died and my boss just told me I'm going to be fired tomorrow...what the hell is there to celebrate?"

Just that! Celebrate it..."I am fat...look at these rolls of blubber and while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, in my eyes I'm uglier than sin. Whoopee...I hate everything about myself and so does everyone else...okay, I'm great at hating, lucky me...I'm the best hater in the world...I am scared and sad; scared for my child and sad that my mother died let me celebrate my fear and sadness...let me feel it fully and not flinch...let me love it for allowing me to be alive...and the terror I feel at soon being out of a job?...well hallelujah...I am exactly where I am, feeling exactly what I am feeling and I embrace these feelings knowing with absolute certainty that these too shall pass."

I know completely unrealistic...except for the people I have coached that have done just that. Find your own life coach, and ask them to help you celebrate your life just as it is. You can celebrate your life, feelings, and experiences, no matter what they are. A celebration of life is not always happy but it is always generated from your Authentic Self. From the frontal lobes of your creative imaginative consciousness. It is something you are capable of 'doing'. You can embrace and celebrate the fullness of your feelings, and experiences; and if you do, just like shock therapy, you will release from the rigid grip of your fear based conscious mind.

Be in love with YOU. Let yourself have exactly what you have without complaint and with the fullness that will inevitably allow it to past into antiquity. Embrace your experiences and share them with gusto and pride of ownership...love the ones you're with, especially yourself...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: To celebrate sadness is to be profoundly sad, to celebrate fear is to be free to feel stark terror, to celebrate anything is to be fully engulfed in the experience so that it might be free to move on...and move on it will when you have experienced it fully.

An Action you can Take...the next time you feel stuck in some emotion or some situation that just keeps persisting...stop right in the middle of how you typically handle it and ask yourself what you are feeling (if it is anger dig deeper) then own those feelings as your reaction to the situation and stop whatever you were going to do and fully experience the feelings. Say, "I accept that this is what it is and I have exactly these feelings about it...It is okay for things to be as they are (even if I can't stand that) and for me to feel as I do...I want them to change and that is okay as well and if I can do anything to effect that change I will, so long as it will lead to greater peace and harmony for all." Do this a few times until you begin to experience a shift in how you experience your own life.

Go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and buy the book; or peruse http://www.perspectiveson.com/ for more information on life coaching.

Getting Your Relationship Back on Track--Part Two, Taking Turns.

2008-05-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

What if you both really want your relationship to work, but still you find yourself struggling with resentments, upsets and feelings of not getting your needs met? If this is the case consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. So many people in relationships are locked into their despair and disgust that they no longer can find that part of themselves that holds the other person as precious.

If you have read the previous post and have arrived at the truth that both of you want to work out the issues in your relationship and you both know and trust that to be true then let's begin. You will both be doing a lot of apologizing for being in your fight/flight/freeze consciousness; not because you are wrong for being triggered; but because using fight/flight to solve relationship issues is hopelessly ineffective. Be prepared, and in fact, start this session with, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry for making you the source of my distress; and I'm sorry for withdrawing my love appreciation and generosity." When you both can say this with heartfelt meaning then we can get on with the specifics of your drama.

What is it that bugs you about the relationship and about the way the other is 'being' in your relationship? You will need to take turns in this process with the point of it being to allow you to own them and release the other from being wrong. Be careful here! Notice how quickly it will trigger you and them as you begin to revisit the topics that are painful for you. Start each sentence with a past tense,(talk about the past in the past) "I have been making you wrong for; staying out late, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, nagging me, not being interested, financially, sexually, etc., etc., etc." Your partner can respond, "Yes, I know I have felt that. What does it mean to you when I am doing that or am like that?" Then you can express how those things are triggers in your life.

What is a trigger? It is a previous painful, or fearful experience of loss that your auto/protector now uses to react to 'similar' situations in your life. Similar is in quotes because the similarities do not need to be exact, any approximation will do. You will have painted your partner with the same brush as you used to react to your mother, or father, or the Meany down the street. You also use your childhood helplessness and sense of victim hood as part of the triggering equation. You are not a child any longer, but to your auto/protector you will forever be the victim.

When you act like a victim in your relationship then the only role you allow for your partner is unfeeling bully or persecutor. This will not tend to make them sympathetic to your complaint. So, your task is to own the fact that this situation in your relationship triggers you and you are unfairly making your partner your persecutor. Apologize...then let them know that from time to time you may continue to 'react' to this situation and ask for their patience and understanding.

When you have done one or two of your triggers then let your partner have a turn and reverse the roles. If you can do this without further facilitation you will notice a marked improvement in intimacy and respect. If you are still trapped by the feelings of being a victim and upset about the circumstances then you will need the support of a skilled Life Coach. Do not take that to mean you have failed...just about everyone 'needs' support when dealing with their triggers. It's a perfectly normal and natural process. Our auto/protector consciousness is powerful and determined to remain in control of these situations and having a third party who is uninvolved in the drama is often the only way to clear the upset.

Try it out...enjoy the process...and always remember...love the ones you're with, its on the road to salvation...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Being terrified by life events is part of life, finding people to embrace in the face of your fear is a gift, being a person that others can share their burdens with is a life purpose for us all.

An Action YOU can Take...When faced with distress in your relationship know that your partner is feeling it as well. Ask them if they would like to share or listen first and allow them to choose which role. In this way you will have "gone first" by being the first to be ready to 'allow'.

Getting your Relationship Back on Track--What are you Pretending not to Know?

2008-05-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

What ARE you pretending not to know? Your auto/protector consciousness, in its infinite wisdom to keep you safe, often uses reasonable deniability, rationalization and fained naivete to keep you from knowing what you know. If the knowledge would be painful then "not knowing" would protect you and the 'small price' of anxiety, depression, and lack of intimacy is worth the effort...or is it?

If you want a good relationship you will need to break the cycle of pretending not to know. You will have to put down the protection of your auto/protector self and allow yourself to re-emerge into a more authentic self aware state. What is going on in your relationship? Ask yourself that and then take a few deep breaths and begin your narrative. (Your little voice may give you a litany of, "how can I know, I trust my spouse, I don't know what he/she is feeling, everything is fine, etc., etc., etc.) The big fear here is that your spouse (lover, significant other) is the way they are because of you! Not so! Your relationship has lost intimacy because one or both of you has quit saying what is true in the moment. You or they have judgements, opinions or feelings that you are afraid to let the other person know about. (Your, or their, little voice is saying, "Well, I don't want to hurt them" but the truth is you don't want to be hurt by their reaction.)

Acknowledge your fear and then proceed on; what is happening in your relationship. Remember when you were a teenager and you saw a couple, you usually knew who was more 'into' the other--didn't you? Well, now you need to look; are you just putting in your time, or are you the one doing all the heavy lifting of the relationship? Is your spouse really wanting to make things better or is he/she oblivious to anything being wrong? Are you dissatisfied with 'things', but feel it doesn't do any good to talk about it, or does your spouse blow you off if you try to bring something up? Do you have a partner who is really willing to resolve the lack of intimacy...are you really willing to do what it takes to rediscover intimacy with your partner?

You can answer all of these questions without any input from your partner. You can also 'know' if you have a partner who is willing to do what it takes to return to real intimacy. (Remembering that if they don't, it is just THEIR fear driving it, NOT YOU!) If you or your partner are simply hanging around waiting for something better to happen you can know that too. The first step in getting your relationship back on track is discovering what track you're really on. Do you have a partner, or do you simply have someone who hasn't left yet? Man up (even if you're a woman) and face the truth and then begin...begin to tell the truth....

If you suspect you don't have a partner any longer then tell them that. Use the example of being a teenager and knowing that most relationships have one or the other who is more into the relationship. Tell them honestly what you would like...then tell them that you know at some level they know that and probably feel guilty because they are not giving it. Then ask them if they would like to rekindle real intimacy and face the real issues that are keeping you two apart. Let them know you expect to hear things you won't like, but that is part of the deal....

Then listen and hear what is beyond their words. If they want to work with you, you will know and if they don't (even if they say they do) you will know that too. Give them some time and yourself some time to let the new reality sink in...what is that new reality?? That you are no longer pretending to 'not know' what you know. Let yourself and them know by your actions that you are ready for real dialogue and unwilling to pretend.

Open the door for yourself and for them to walk through to a new more profound truth and intimacy. Discover in yourself what it is that they are struggling to tell you; or hiding from you...you already know what it is.... Speak from your heart, and stay centered past your anger, fear, and loss...love them for exactly who they are, even when that means they are no longer into you, love yourself and let them go...if they return to the relationship you will know truly how to love the ones you're with...next time we will deal with getting on when BOTH of you want to work on your relationship...until then, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Joy can not exist without pain...intimacy cannot exist without separation...but wholeness of being is always and forever.... You are more than your fear and pain...YOU are love and harmony.

An Action you can Take...As you share your fear and pain with your partner allow yourself and them to know that it is your pain and they do not need to fix it. Own it and own that your shattered expectations are still yours and you will be responsible for your own well being.

Keep On Keepin' On

2008-05-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

For most of us that's just what we do; keep on keepin' on. How long should we struggle with the issues that drag at us? If you are
putting up with things; personal image, relationships, career, negative emotions, you may want to ask yourself, " how long has this been going on and how much longer will it continue?" You don't have to live your life settling for half a loaf, you can have the whole shebang.

Life can be vibrant, vivid and intense. You can wake each day looking forward to the adventures and opportunities that await you; or you can keep on keepin' on...your choice. You can settle or you can release your struggles and live with imagination and creativity.

Your journey starts when you recognize the signs of chronic issues. What are you putting up with, what are you struggling with? If you are making little headway take a moment and consider if you want to drag through another day, week, month, or if you're ready to try something new; applying the principles of the Core Paradigm have helped many and it may help you.

Look through the posts here, or drop me a line to larsline@mail.com about the situations you are resigned to and let's see if there are some alternatives to being trapped by them. You've struggled long enough with unhappiness, frustration, unmet needs and desires. I'll either answer you directly or use the letter (identity obscured) to illustrate common traps driven by the auto/protector self in living in today's very fractious world. Remember your fight/flight/freeze reactions are driven to support you; but are stopping you from having the life you would really like. All of the reasons used by your auto/protector won't add up to a single change in your struggle.

I know that you may feel that all the alternatives have been explored and that writing to me is pointless; but what do you have to lose? If your negative relationships, or career, or self image, or anxiety, depression or other has continued, you are faced with more of the same in the coming days. Take a break and let me know just what it is you're facing.

How long have you been overweight, or alone, or anxious or depressed? How long have you been struggling with the spouse, kids, or parents, siblings or boss? How long have you been 'sorta' happy but really not, or putting up with the lack of intimacy in your life; and how much longer will it last? What are you keepin' on keepin' on about, and when will you be ready to open a dialogue? Write to me and let's take a look at how the Core Paradigm can help you see a new way of being with the chronic life struggles you have put up with long enough...open the door to possibilities and love the ones you're with...until then...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

A Thought for Today: You see whatever you hold as important...if love, kindness, generosity, fairness, and goodwill are important enough to you...you will begin to see examples of these things throughout your day and through out your life....

An Action You can Take...make it so!

The Search for Security and Safety--the Myth

2008-05-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

What are we? Human beings...neither strong, nor swift; dull of senses and thin skinned the least of all the animals fit to survive, but survive we did. It's what we do! We seek safety and security or at least our survival consciousness does. It's a life long quest and it begins the moment we're born. We cry out for comfort, nourishment, warmth and the security of our parent's embrace; and when we feel its loss we cry out again. The human child NEEDS more care and support than any other infant mammal on this planet and the relationships we form between our species are critical to our survival. Our tribe was our safety and our security.

Fast forward fifty thousand years or so...the year 2008, life on our planet is safe and secure...for some at least. We have nations and corporations, stock holders and lawyers...we have social structures, strong houses, good friends and we have gangs, war, greed, inequity, poverty, neglect and abuse. We have it all; and through it all we remain driven by our need for security and safety.

We are a fragmented species full of contention and desperate to belong. We form more and more micro alliances and then pit one against the other; and still the need drives us...security and safety. When will it be safe enough for us to lay down our differences and join together as one tribe? No time soon I suspect.

When will Palestine, join hands with Israel? Many will answer the day after hell freezes over. When will Christians embrace Muslims...the day after that. How 'bout the Crips and the Bloods, or the corporate suits and the union reps? Look in your own life and make your own list...who are the good guys and who are the baddies?...and when will it end?

About now, I think, we're all ready to toss in the towel. "It ain't gonna end Larry, it ain't gonna." Really? Then any hope we have of making this a better (safer more secure) world is out the window. If we really want to make a more secure and safe world, (or just be more secure and safe in ourselves) we are going to have to make it safe for all of us; because as long as it isn't safe for some, it isn't safe for any of us.

If you want security, safety and a better tomorrow, then I think its time to focus on including 'the others' (the perpetrators, bad guys, meanies and idiots) back into your life. What that means is, on a personal level, you need to examine where you feel victimized, disenfranchised, miss perceived, and shunned; and embrace those people as one of your own. You need to stop whining about what was done to you, or is being done to you and begin to appreciate what is driving their perceived injustice.

If your little voice is asking, "How can I do that?" right now you can answer it with, "You're asking the wrong question." The question is, "WHAT is it I have to do to be safer and more secure in my world," and the answer is, "I must include...."

What leaves you feeling insecure? Whatever it is allow it to be, surrender your victim hood, stand resolute in your honor, trust in the ultimate wisdom of justice and goodwill, resist only your desires to retaliate and isolate and embrace the fear that drives both you and others to hoard and separate unnecessarily.

This world will never be safe; and security is a myth...no one gets out alive...all we have is each other. It was what we were born to in the distant mists of time; and it is what we must find once again. Stand for all of us, and stand for kindness, love and goodwill between all peoples on this earth. Do not be discouraged by the enormity of this task and do not shirk your place in it's unfolding. Make your life better one gentle kindness, forgiveness, empathy and compassion at a time...love the ones you're with...and embrace them all...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours...Larry

A Thought for the Day: Pain, fear and loss drive us into our survival consciousness and give us the illusion of being incomplete. You are complete just as you are, in this moment, with all the insecurities you experience...Others wait for your embrace and to embrace you...it is just the way of things.

An Action you can Take...speak to someone you've been afraid to speak to...let them know of your fear and let them know it is not their fault. Tell them you would like to understand them better and then do so. Notice the power you possess is to 'understand'; not make others understand you. (Remember understanding is not agreement and compassion is not approval.)

Who is a Life Coach?

2008-05-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

A reader assailed me the other day with promoting Life Coaching as the only way I offered her to provide support. She wrote the following:

"You can try to do that 'alone'; or much more effectively with a Life Coach"

"...contact a Life Coach that can help you open the door to your loneliness"

Dear Larry,
I am a friend of (a friend). I take exception to the above statements, which in my
eyes and to my mind, are quite self-serving on your part. It also does not allow for people
to find other ways, roads, and guides to help them with the alone/lonely issue.

'A new reader'

I am a Life Coach so you will forgive me, I hope, for not clarifying sooner what I mean by seeking life coaches in your life. I use the term life coaching in a generic way to mean anyone who can remain objective when faced with your shift into the survival consciousness I refer to as your auto/protector self.

I believe that most therapist, counselors, mentors, clergy, facilitators and others are life coaches in our society. I support all ways that lead to well being and discourage anything that leaves you bogged down in victim hood. It was always my hope that this blog would eventually catch on and I would be providing these insights and tools to thousands of readers who might benefit from the experience I have had in working with people over the last twenty five years. I always knew that the demand for life coaching would far outstrip any ability I might have to supply direct contact, and so, I wanted a forum that I could provide what I have learned while encouraging people to find coaches within their own circle to support them in achieving the goals they seek.

What I do know is that Life Coaching can take many forms; and while it is not therapy, it can be enormously therapeutic. What I try to impress on people is that when we shift into the auto/protector consciousness we define people in terms of "with us or against us" and we cope. The auto/protector self is seductive and frequently drives those around us into their own fight/flight persona...Having people in your life that can side step that becomes essential. If we are to escape the effects and ineffectiveness that fight/flight behavior heaps upon us we must exit our survival persona...hence the call and plea for you to seek life coaches that can remain compassionate, personal and objective in supporting you through your struggles to survive.

I coach therapist, ministers, counselors and others and in each case I find that the burden of their practice is being seduced by the powerful effects of their clients predicaments. Life Coaching may be perceived as an alternative to therapy, but if I am to believe my therapist clients, it is the way therapist seek to be most effective with their charges. People NEED people, it's just the way we are built. We thrive as social beings. The unique nature of our consciousness demands that we have feedback and support from our peers; especially when faced with our shift into the pain of our survival consciousness, but the ability to remain outside of the drama and seduction of the auto/protector selves of others is a skill we are only beginning to understand in this society.

What I am trying to do here is provide some guide posts for you to confront the chronic issues that bedevil you in your life. I want you to benefit from what I have learned and what I know can assist you to exit the common and frequent pain, fear and loss that too many of us experience in life. I have chronicled some reoccurring themes in my work in the hopes that thousands of people living in pain, frustration, anxiety, depression and self doubt will find knowledge, tools and processes to exit the struggles dogging their lives. If you want me to address something in this format please write me at larsline@mail.com if you want more information on the Core Paradigm and my life work go to www.lifeaftersurvival.com and for the few that would seek me out as their personal life coach I will try to accommodate as time permits...but as always...love the ones you're with and seek your path with love and humanity...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day: Wherever you are, emotionally, spiritually, financially, personally or socially is simply a fact of this moment. Allow this moment and surrender to its temporal truth, that it is what it is and this too, no matter what, shall pass.

An Action You can Take...Take a look at a situation with which you are struggling and notice who in your life could provide you with support to be okay with it just the way it is. Who could you seek out that would stand with you and allow you to surrender and make peace with the situation? Then do so, being sure to let them know you appreciate their support and not their agreement to your victim hood.

The Miracle of Relationships--Part Three

2008-05-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Part Three--Me, Myself and I

Every relationship you have starts with the relationship you have with yourself. It seems odd to imagine a person having a relationship to themselves; seems an oxymoron, but I doubt any of you would argue that you, in fact, do have a relationship with yourself. Me, Myself and I, three selves? I can't say that for sure, but I can say with complete confidence there are two. One is your auto/protector self, (which always has a two person dialogue...you know the one who just said to you "what dialogue?") and one is your Authentic Self. When you are Authentic it is a singularity; YOU is not in relationship to yourself; 'YOU' is just 'YOU'; BUT when you are in your fight/flight/freeze survival self (the auto/protector self) you compare yourself with others, judge yourself, praise and condemn yourself excessively, and carry on dialogs in your mind about everything.

Your self esteem is a product of this auto/protector self dialogue and your efforts to relate to others are coloured by every insecurity you have about yourself or every over blown opinion. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have and your job, if you choose to accept it, is to eliminate it from the equation.

Authentically you can't have a relationship with yourself...YOU simply are. 'YOU' is the authentic 'YOU' and the big "I". If you are struggling then your choice is, to be with that struggle until it passes, OR, identify with that struggle as who you are...most of the time we choose the latter. There is very little you can do in a relationship when that relationship is based on fight/flight. When you worry about whether or not you (or they) are good enough, worthy enough, okay enough, or just plain 'enough', you are doomed to live in turmoil and drama. If 'YOU' can reemerge and see the struggle you are having then 'YOU' take the first step of releasing from it.

Mind boggling isn't it? 'YOU' and 'you'; two selves and the foundation for the relationship we have with ourselves. 'YOU' must be aware of 'you', that awareness is the opening for real release of the drama and struggle we find in any other relationship we have. "Who is 'YOU'?" is a nonsensical question, but "who are 'you' to...tell me what to do...to like me...to try that dream...to hope for the best...etc, etc, etc, is how we live most of our lives. The little 'you' of your auto/protector is the self conscious awareness of your triggered and coping fight/flight/freeze personae; and it is not a personae who will make successful loving relationships.

Your work is to 'awaken' to the drama playing out in your psyche. Your opportunity is to 'see' that every negative interaction, insecurity, every drama, misstep and dissatisfying relationship is a function of 'you' getting in the way...if 'YOU' see that clearly, it is the only thing YOU will need to transform the quality of your life. Awareness is the key, and the truth will set you free...Love the ones you're with, especially 'you' and let it be...Until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...YOU are perfect just the way YOU/you are...life is unfolding just as it should and just as it does...your power comes not from contesting what is, but from being with whatever is and 'choosing' to bring your Authentic curiosity, imagination, kindness, love and generosity to each given moment...or at least allowing yourself to be aware when 'you' can't seem to allow that.

An Action 'YOU' can Take: Start by observing what isn't working in your life and see what it will take for 'YOU' to show up in that situation. What that means is what will it take for 'you' to release from managing the situation and open the space for 'YOU' to re-emerge with unbiased awareness, kindness and generosity...pick something small that you are not too attached to and notice when a new YOU appears; then go on to the next challenge.

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The Miracle of Relationships--Part Two

2008-05-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

Part Two--The Significant Others

Who are the significant others? To my way of looking at it, they are all the people who play an important role in your life: Co-workers, bosses, spouse or lover, kids, parents, siblings and friends; these are the second most important relationships in your life. We will deal with the most important relationship in part three of this series, but for now let's take a look at how these other relationships impact our lives.

If you take a moment and look at all your key relationships you may find some of them are problematic. If not, and I hope that is so, you will find that, for the most part, you are a very happy and optimistic person. That is the point of today's post; if all of our important relationships are a source of joy and inspiration; we will be enormously the better for it. Relationships define us. You may wish that they didn't, and your little voice may be telling you that many of those people I have listed aren't important to your life. You may have quit talking to your sister or written off your Dad or resigned yourself to hearing nothing from your adult child; BUT don't be fooled, each of these are important relationships. If you think that the distress of your job or the argument with a co-worker is not important you would be mistaken. Each relationship we have with people close to us affects us more than we may realize.

So, take a moment and assess where you are in your significant others relationships. If you have a chronic problem with any of them it's time to find out what is going on with-in you.

Relationships are where we play out our dramas. Relationships are where we externalize our unhappiness and dissatisfaction. We seek to fill the holes in our lives and cover the pain by having our relationships be what we missed or lost as children. We needed comfort and we got pain. We needed encouragement and we got judged. We needed love and we got disapproval and we needed a mirror of who we are at our best and we got a view of how disappointing we were. We fought the pain and when we went out into the world we sought to correct these things by finding others who would treat us better. We had needs and they would fill them; and when inevitably they don't we are once again in our drama of life.

It is time for you to face that your problematic relationships are a mirror of your losses. If you have problematic relationships, you are struggling with your own daemons. You are seeking results from others that they cannot fulfill..it is time to take stock...breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel your own pain without making it the fault of others. Notice what the problem SEEMS to be, then notice what it is that you want and are not getting from them. Stop...feel the pain of loss...then notice that no one, beyond your parents, is put on this earth for the purpose of filling your needs, (and even their task ends with your maturity). Acknowledge the pain, release them from blame and allow yourself to grieve your loss.

We will learn more about how to release others and truly allow our relationships to soar in the next installment on this series; but for now, allow yourself to withdraw from the blaming, complaining and gossiping of others and be with yourself. Do the impossible...love the ones your with and let them be...until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...YOU are not wrong and perhaps you have done something wrong, YOU are loved and cherished even though you have endured the judgements, slings and arrows of others...YOU is not you...learn the difference.

An Action to Take: Find a situation with a significant other that YOU can apologize for making worse by being triggered. Study as hard as you can to understand and appreciate where the other person is coming from and notice that, while that might not meet your expectations or desires, it is not personal and you are not injured by their needs. Do this once in a while until you begin to feel the power that comes from being in charge of things getting better.

The Miracle of Relationships--a Series

2008-05-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Part One: Getting Along

You know relationships can be great and a source of real strength in our lives, but we don't always seem to get that: "Sometimes we get along and sometimes we don't...it's just the way of life isn't it?"....Yes, and No. Yes we get triggered and cope with each other; and no we don't have to be miserable in our relationships.

Getting along with those you are in relationship with, is really saying being Authentic with those people in your life that are important to you. Getting along is being out of our survival mentality, that I have referred to as your auto/protector self; AND getting along means not having them be the source of your distress.

How can that be? Our relationships are always the source of our distress! Our spouses don't do what we want, our boss is critical, our kids are disobedient, our friends are unwise, our parents...oh my...don't even get me started on that....Now, that I see it more clearly, what could I have been thinking...our relationships are just about the only thing that does trigger us; we have to cope with them, don't we?

Maybe. We want to believe that our relationships are truly the best part of being human. They can be the source of our strength, they can bring meaning to our barren lives, they can give us purpose and bring the best out of us...relationships are the stuff of legends and they are as necessary as breathing to the social animal we call humans. Our relationships are to be cherished and appreciated and embraced. We need to nurture them, and bring our compassion, kindness and understanding to them. Our relationships with those closest to us, are precious and a blessing to our lives...unless they aren't.

Sometimes they aren't...too bad...just the way it is....Maybe it's us, maybe it's them...who knows, but sometimes relationships suck. If we are to look at reality, more than half the time they suck...fifty eight percent divorce rate, kids out of control, sixty five percent of the population unhappy at work and everyone blaming their parents for how they were raised. Once in a while we see some noteworthy relationship, but if truth be told, most of the time relationships on any level just don't seem to work.

If you are struggling in any important relationship you are triggered and coping with that relationship. You are triggered and coping with it not because it is a difficult relationship, but because it reminds you of situations in your past that caused you fear, pain or loss. You are struggling because your perception of the circumstances in that relationship are clouded by your past. You need to wake up from your past fears, pain and loss and see the present for what it really is. That, of course, is far easier said than done.

Now, your little voice, (the one screaming in your head, "what the hell does he know about my horrible situation") may be doubtful that the only problems you have in your relationships are you living in the past and projecting the past into the future, and that's as it should be, but it is none the less, true. Your relationships depend on your exiting your pain and releasing from your fight/flight/freeze mentality. Your relationships and the joy and strength of connection depend entirely on your ability to see the truth in the NOW.

If you are struggling in any relationship; spouse, significant others, kids, parents, boss, co-worker, best friends, etc. you are locked in your own struggle of fear, pain and loss. You would do well to seek guidance from a Life Coach to address this struggle and face the reality of how you are creating the pain in your life. I know your auto/protector is telling you I am wrong, that the real problem is just as you have described it; bad spouse, abusive parent, wild kid, angry boss, etc. and you have all the evidence you will ever need that you are the victim of this situation...BUT...it just isn't so.

You are, at this point in time, the author of this situation and as bad a news as that is, the silver lining is...you ARE the author and as such you have the power to change it and release from it, and transform it to the joy, peace of mind and satisfaction you so desperately seek. You are one minute away from freedom and it begins when you choose to let go of the struggle and seek the counsel of others....Love the one's you're with, it's the beginning of a beautiful life...Until next time, I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...Your drama is the drama you are playing out in the hopes of solving some ancient hurt. Let yourself appreciate that the constant struggle you experience has a familiar feel and that at this point you are the primary suspect in the deal. Be at peace with it until it disappears.

An Action to Take: Try apologizing to someone for being triggered and coping with the situation. Tell them that you know you are not helping the situation because you are triggered and coping and ask them if they would help you understand what is really going on. Let them know that your upset is not about them, but about a situation in your life that you are afraid is happening again; and see if this opens a dialog in your relationship with that person.

Good Morning

2008-05-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

Good Morning...wouldn't it be nice if each morning... was good? It can be. It is! Good morning, it's my birthday and it's a lovely morning; light rain showers, glistening leaves, an almost silent drip, drip, drip and peaceful. Is it peaceful or am I? That's really the question isn't it?

When life is full of turmoil; and we are upset isn't the turmoil only turmoil because we say it's turmoil? Yes, life and living is what we make it. Yes, there are moments of violence, death, savagery, and betrayal, but don't we have a role in how we will be with those? I think yes. We do have a role in how we will hold such moments and live with such moments and judge such moments and release such moments. We also have a role in how we choose to be as we move on from those moments.

How are you doing? Have you faced savagery, and betrayal today? While reading this are you in the throes of violence and death? Chances are the answer is no. Right NOW you are sitting quietly reading, the world is going about it's business and you are fine. Your problems, the ones that nag at you, are not present except in your head. You are safe, quietly reading and perhaps the little voice in your head is deafening as it shouts to you, What does he know of my problems. Is his spouse cheating on him, is his child doing drugs, does his boss dump work on him...huh, huh, huh?"

No, I have my own problems, and to me they are just as 'awful' as yours, but for now, as I write this, they are nothing in this moment...and yours can be nothing as well. Take a break, you deserve it. Take a break you need it. Take a break it will renew you and allow you perspective to tackle the problems you must face with renewed vigor and understanding and patience. Take a break and enjoy the day, you won't regret it and you just may find the joy, peace of mind, and happiness that is so illusive in your life.

Learn to be in the moment and to appreciate that bad feelings are 'our feeling', subject to change and subject to release when we are willing to let go and be in the moment. Be well, be happy, be at peace, and love the ones you're with...it's the best thing of all when it's on your birthday...I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...whatever you are struggling with will be easier if you let it go for a time and pick it up fresh the next time you are faced with dealing with it. Deal with your fear of the future and distress of the past by releasing them in the NOW.

An Action You can Take: Call time out; just like when you were a kid. Call time out on your distress and worries...call time out on your depression and anxiety...call time out on your judgements of others no matter who they are and how much they deserve your disdain. When you have done that, stop and breathe...see if you can experience the perfection of the moment and the beauty that is all around you...do this twice today and three times tomorrow.

Coping...and the Auto/Protector Self

2008-05-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

Coping, what is coping? we all do it. We all talk about it, "How'ya doin'?" We ask.
"Oh, I'm coping." is often the reply; and it's true, we are.
Coping is what we do when triggered by life events. We cope with the death of a loved one. We cope with the kids, or we cope with our job, parents, illness, or setbacks. We cope all the time; but what is coping?

I've used coping in these posts several times and I mean pretty much what you do when you use it...I mean gettin' on, gettin' on...survivin'. Coping is what we do to survive the dings, and dents of life; but coping is actually more than that. Coping is the tool of our survival, fight/flight/freeze, conscious, mind. Coping is the activity of a triggered and driven individual using the auto/protector part of their consciousness.

The auto/protector self is part of the Core Paradigm I describe in my book, Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness. It is important for us to know and understand that coping is actually driven by a part of our mind that is used when we are faced with fear, pain or loss. Coping is surviving and while that is a good thing it is not a happy thing or satisfying thing. Coping is struggling and interestingly enough coping is the human version of fight or flight.

You should take a little time to read the book, but in a nutshell, coping is what we do in situations that coping just isn't going to work. In the big picture, humans coped with survival in the wild. We had to have a reflexive, reactive portion of our mind that could drive us to use our cunning and reactions to save our lives. As we got more domesticated we continued to use this level of self consciousness (an alternative self) to address the problems we faced in our increasingly complex society...that's where all the problems got complicated.

Just imagine trying to solve your problems by running away or beating them up...oops, you don't have to imagine it, it's what we do. We procrastinate, complain, bully, get anxious or depressed, stubbornly persist in self defeating behaviors, or yell and scream; all in the name of coping. You can create a list of your coping and you will be amazed at how much of it is just modified fight or flight.

Coping with life is surviving life, but not living life. We need to come down from our coping personae if we are to solve almost all of the problems we face as an individual in our present society. Coping with our problems will not solve them. Facing our coping and triggered consciousness is the first step to overcoming the chronic issues we face in life. Get a Life Coach and uncover how coping is running (ruining) your life.

Learn to distinguish when you are coping and live better...love the ones you're with, it's the way to go...I remain. Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...We cope because our auto/protector self says we must...but life only really begins when we lay the weapons of coping down and share our hearts.

An Action to Take...look for triggers and coping in your life and write some of them down until you notice the commonality of the triggers and coping you do in just about any setting you find yourself. Learn to be self revealing about what triggers you and how you cope; and take responsibility that they are your triggers and your coping mechanisms.

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right: Part Three: Being Intimate

2008-05-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

A Three Part Series: Being Intimate

If you've been following along in this series, then you realize that having someone special in your life starts by knowing, as a deep and meaningful experience, that you are special. You have, or are working on, experiencing your distress about being alone as the fear based consciousness that it is. You are out in your community interacting with everyone you meet and dealing with your feelings as you recognize your fear in social situations...You have begun connecting with people by letting go of your judgements, both about yourself and them, and are now allowing your interest, empathy, and generosity of spirit to guide you in social interactions. In a word you are enjoying people.

If you are doing all these things and you still find yourself alone you have one more barrier to face...being intimate! Being intimate doesn't mean 'sex', it means being visible, transparent, vulnerable and present in the moment with another human being. Intimacy is authentic self expression, which means saying what's true when it's true. Many people think being intimate means saying nice things and sharing precious hallmark moments...and while that can be wonderful it is only a small part of intimacy.

Intimacy is sharing your fears, judgements, and feelings as you experience them without your mask. Sharing is owning these things and allowing others to see them and have their own reaction to them. Intimacy is being in the moment (whatever that moment is) with another person.

What generally stops intimacy is our fear that others will be offended by our opinions, judgements, and feelings, or that too much vulnerability will put us at risk...so we hide. We hide behind our posturing and social veneer and cope with each other instead of connecting.

When you are ready to have someone in your life you will have to face your own vulnerability and allow others to be vulnerable with you. You can start by picking out some of the most attractive people you know and telling them how much you would like to have a 'someone' in your life. Tell them how attractive they are to you. Tell them how you believe it must be easier for them to find special 'someones' and then listen as they share their own fears and insecurities. Ask for their support and reach out to others you find attractive and interesting until you begin to experience a mutuality.

Contrary to your fear that their is no one out there for you; you will find that there are more than you imagined. People want to bond...people want to connect...people want to love and be loved and as you gain confidence and comfort with your intimacy you will find yourself a magnet for people seeking the same...Love the ones you're with, it's all there is....I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for the Day...Confidence is everything in forming relationships...quiet, gentle, vulnerable, confidence and willingness to be present with others and honest with yourself. True confidence is being confident to share how unconfident you feel. Share yourself and your feelings and others will follow.

An Action to Take...Practice your vulnerability by owning your sharing of judgements, opinions, and feelings. You do that by not only sharing your fear, but sharing how it feels to have that fear. Example: "I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing or have nothing to say on a date; and as I see that in myself I feel sad. I think sometimes I'm afraid of my own shadow." It can be a real ice breaker and since it is true (when it is) it is an intimate moment. Practice, practice, practice and you will soon have a full date calendar.

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right: Part Two: Being Social

2008-05-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

A Three Part Series:

If you have read part one you have begun the process of facing your "not okay" loneliness. You have realized that being alone is not the same as being lonely. You have begun to appreciate that your loneliness is a product of your fears and beliefs about who you are afraid you are, your fear about how others perceive you and how you are afraid your life will be. You are ready to go out into the world and discover new truths...So let's begin!

You are surrounded by people. You are surrounded by interesting, frantic, insecure, funny, playful, people. So, go out and be interested. Go 'alone' in your own company, as if you have just landed in a far off place and can't wait to see the people and sights and sounds of your new surroundings. Feel your feelings and notice how you allow others to see them or not. Notice how they hide and who is behind the masks as you engage in simple interactions. Notice if you are ready to be approached or if you are ready to approach. Allow yourself the right to be exactly as you are, comfortable, embarrassed, smooth or awkward. Expect nothing and give whatever it is you have to share. (And be surprised at what that may be!) Be a witness to your own experience of being 'not alone' in the company of strangers.

When you have done this a half dozen times, or so, take some stock. How was it? Who is out there in your world? What judgements remain both about you and about 'them'? What are the barriers for you still to release? And most of all, are you enjoying yourself? If not, go do it again ten more times, but this time let yourself enjoy being YOU.

If you are working with a Life Coach you will share these thoughts with them. If you have friends you confide in...then do! When you are ready, join your friends and acquaintances in activities that interest you or challenge you and begin to allow yourself to be part of your community. Look to see what allows others to connect and what stops them. Notice when you stifle your self expression and comment on that to whomever will listen. Notice what others need and what you bring to the table and share your bounty whenever it is your time. When you absolutely have nothing to say; be amazed and say that..."I have nothing to say or add and it can only be because of how afraid I am to share." Watch as others share with you when that happens for them. Discover that your 'condition' is the human condition and we all can relate. Begin to find your rhythm in social interaction and before your eyes you will begin to create intimacy.

Intimacy will be the third installment of this post. So, socialize with anyone and everyone in your world and discover YOU in the bustle of everyone frantically trying to connect...Expect nothing, give of yourself and accept whatever you wish...Love the ones you're with...it's the best within us...I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry

Thought for Today...The fantasy that we are alone is a fiction created by our fear to keep us from being hurt. Human beings are social animals we need each other to thrive...Your story just exactly like it is...is precious and valuable and important for us to know.

An Action to Take: Today's post was all about actions to take, but the most important one is the next one you take after you complete reading this. Close your computer go outside and notice all the possibilities to interact; walk to the park, talk to a neighbor, buy something small, give someone directions who seems lost, etc., etc., etc. Go see that you are not alone!

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right: Part One: Being Alone

2008-05-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

A Three Part Series

Sometimes being alone isn't just 'being alone', sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes being alone is a statement about us, it means we are flawed in someway because if we weren't we would have someone in our lives. Sometimes being alone is empty, hopeless, and desperate and we find ourselves coping with it in "oh, so many ways."

If you are coping with being alone or being lonely you are 'really' not alone. Millions of us struggle with the issues of relationship. Some people feel more alone IN a relationship than when they were looking for one. If you are seeking a relationship, someone to love and someone to love you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE; but that is little solace as you go quietly to your empty house.

If you are alone against your will, i.e. looking but not finding and feeling frustrated at times with your 'alone-ness condition' we should ask the simple question: "Why are you alone?" Your answers to this question will not be of particular value in their content, but they will be very revealing of the process in which you find yourself. "Why are you alone and not loving it?"

Some of the answers my clients have had, include, "All the good ones are already taken"; "I haven't found the right one yet", No one wants a built-in family", "I'm not attracted to the people who are attracted to me", "People judge me on my looks before they get to know me" and "I just don't meet enough people". There are many others as well, from "I'm too shy" to "Its too hard to really get to know someone." Maybe you're 'too busy' for a relationship, or your finances are too good or too poor; whatever it is you've got 'reasons' for the 'why' of being alone.

Now, if you've read this far and the little voice in your head is starting up with, "What's wrong with being alone. I sometimes think I prefer it that way." you are well triggered and coping. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone; date when you want, or socialize however you choose; but being alone against your will is an emotional roller coaster with far more downs than ups.

The truth is we rationalize, defend, despair, and agonize and still we find ourselves alone; what is there to do? The answer is simple, "learn the difference between being alone and being lonely." If you are alone that is simply a statement of fact for that moment only. If you are lonely, that is a condition of your past and fear of your future. Being trapped in the struggle of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is being trapped in the drama of your fight/flight/freeze conscious mind.

If you are being injured by your state of 'alone-ness', then your conscious survival mind is fighting that battle on your behalf. Take heart, because facing your loneliness is on the road of finding the someones with which to share your life.

Step one of finding Mr. or Ms. Right is facing your loneliness and embracing your life as a single person in our society. You can try to do that 'alone'; or much more effectively with a Life Coach. You are not alone except by fear driven choice. Coming to appreciate that fact will free you to begin your journey in earnest, as you discover the right people or person with which to share your life.

You are alone right now AND it is the opportunity of a life time to discover YOU. The big miraculous YOU of your Authentic Self. Take the first step in your journey by facing your loneliness; contact a Life Coach that can help you open the door to your loneliness and free you to discover the gift you are in this world and to this world. Learn the truth that to, "Love yourself is to allow those around you to find it easier and easier to express the love they have for you." If you fight this battle 'alone' then be prepared to lose. You are not alone and your fears that you are are the only things standing in your way...We will look at connecting with others in part two of this series; but for now...Love the ones you're with, it's all any of us can do...I remain, Respectfully yours, Larry.

Thought for the day...You are alone in exactly the way we all are...Uniquely separate in your own point of viewing this universe. You are the vessel for your gift and the expression of that gift. You are precious and valued for being just as you are.

An Action to take: Notice when you are feeling distressed about not having a life partner and ask yourself what that means about you. Write down your answers taking a moment to appreciate the fear and loathing contained in them...and then, as you burn, rip or crumple up the paper, acknowledge the truth; "You are loving and lovable as much as you allow"...Choose this moment to love being you.... Repeat this each time you find yourself triggered by being alone...then get out into the world and love the ones your with...whoever that may be...butcher, baker, candlestick maker.

R U OK...Self Esteem/Self Image

2008-05-04T08:02:00.000-07:00

There's few things harder on you than...you! When we have negative thoughts and judgements about ourselves it becomes the quickest way to experiencing the worst of life's emotions. Self judgement is so painful that we will often not see it as the problem it really is. We will deny, defend, rationalize and project in order to avoid facing the judgements we are afraid are true about us. If your spouse or boss is critical ( or anyone for that matter) you may find yourself defending yourself, justifying your actions (or inaction's), or attacking them as a way of deflecting the criticism that has hit 'too close to home'.

What does that mean, 'too close to home'? Does it mean that they're right? NO, it means they are pointing at something you are AFRAID is true about you. It might be an area your parents harped on, or something you judged wasn't okay about you; but whatever it is that you 'react' to...it's ultimately YOUR self judgement.

What's wrong with you? Let's take stock. What criticisms make you, at least, a little defensive? Take a moment, reflect on this, (writing them down would be good) and then look to see if you have a judgement about yourself in this area. If it hurts at all...YOU DO! Next look at yourself and reflect on what you like and don't like about your person, your image...what do you NEED to improve? When you've done this then determine what parts of your personality are problematic and what you SHOULD do to be better. Now, you have most or all of the judgements you make about yourself.

The above activity may be difficult because part of your consciousness is aimed at protecting you from these painful opinions you have formed about yourself. You may want to deny that you think something is not okay, but for the sake of this experiment give yourself a chance to look. Why? Because self judgement and negative self image will stop you from having what you want faster than anything on earth.

So, take a look and then begin to appreciate that everything you see that is not pleasing about you is simply your effort to protect yourself. If you are overweight; protection, stubborn; protection, lazy; protection, hostile; protection, depressed; protection, etc,. etc., etc. R U OK? The answer is a resounding 'YES'; but not until it becomes YOUR answer.

You are perfect just as you are, including your need to protect yourself. Yes, defending yourself can be a pain in the butt to most of us; but YOU (The big YOU) is not. Your "coping" (read reactive, defensive personae) may be unpleasant to others and to yourself, but that doesn't make you any less perfect. I will be going into the nature of 'coping' in future articles. but for now you can take it on faith that 'coping', not your essence, is the problem of your negative self esteem.

I hope you will begin to appreciate that your "shortcomings" are not YOU, they are just the fight/flight/freeze protective reactions that you have adopted from childhood. Seek Life Coaching when necessary to help you release from these pernicious reactions, but never forget...YOU are truly OKAY! You are a child of the universe and you belong here...You have a brilliant and unique gift that this world is richer for having...allow that to emerge and allow yourself to feel the authentic emotions of saddness, fear and loss. You will soon find new measures of peace and contentment as you face and release from your self protective reactive behaviors and begin to feel the power of your emotional life. You may want to seek support and I encourage you to do so, but always remember...love the ones you're with and enjoy the ride...I remain Respectfully Yours...Larry

Thought for the Day...comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to end up in the dumps. Begin to cultivate appreciation of others, empathize with them, respect their trials and tribulations, and begin to notice that you are doing the same for yourself...Be in service to others until you see that you are really in service to yourself.

An Action YOU can Take: I have suggested today's action in today's article. Write down some of the negative judgements you have about yourself and one by one see how these issues are really issues of self protection. Notice how you have identified with certain ones of these and begin the process of dis-identifying by stating, "That is not who I am, it is what I am doing out of fear, pain and loss I have experienced in life." Don't just say this DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF IT FOR YOURSELF!

Having What You Want by Wanting What You Have

2008-05-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

You know, people are always saying "Let go", Take what you get", "You're okay the way you are", "Be in the NOW", and dozens of other cliches that are easier to give as advice than to put into practice in our lives. The title of today's article is one of those; "Want what you have!"

"Yeah, easy for you to say, but you try livin' with cancer, past due bills, screaming bosses, nagging spouses...etc., etc, etc."

Yeah, I get it, it ain't easy; and yet, who said living with joy, peace of mind, happiness and well being was going to be easy? The paradox of all this is when we're in the flow and things are going our way it IS easy. Living with goodwill, love, generosity of spirit, and openness is the easiest of all; but getting there often seems completely undo-able...AND IT IS!

It's undo-able because living with happiness, peace of mind, serenity, and self awareness is a state of BEING, not DOING. Wanting what you have is another way of saying "Accept what is" for as long as it IS. In this way you are BEING in the moment and allowing yourself to be a part of the flow of life. It's scary! It's like jumping into a raging river and our survival instincts tell us we're crazy for even contemplating it! And Yet, it is precisely that leap into the flow of life that we must make.

Your problems are not as a result of you being swept down this ragging river, but your attempts to dam it up. Your problems are created by you trying to swim up stream and by trying to fight every swirl and eddy you find yourself in. Life is a dynamic exciting flow of moment after moment and when we attempt to hang on to the past or manage the future we fail to experience the raging moments of NOW that are the only life and only reality we have.

Yes, cancer, or death of a loved one, etc. is hard, and each of us has our own cross to bear, but the truth is, life is both full of joy and heartache; and our salvation will come only when we are willing to own what we have in this moment. Each moment is fleeting and the next moment will be new and different (and better) if we will allow it...So, go forth and embrace the life you have with the certain knowledge that as you become good at being in the NOW You will BE the miracle of a human BEING. Want whatever it is that you have, surrender to the light, and make peace with your complaints as you seek to bring your gift of being to all who surround you...Love the ones you're with...until next time, I remain, Respectfully Yours, Larry....

Thought for the day...To know that you don't care for something, or hate something, or want a thing or person to be different is a wonderful awareness...to make yourself miserable and those around you the same because of it, is the tragedy of living too many of us make.

An Action you can Take: Notice the next time you don't like something and find two or three different ways to say that, that will make it a statement about YOU not a statement about it or them. Example: Your boss is irritated with you for something you didn't do. You say, "I really get irritated when someone accuses me of anything really...it's a quirk I have." or "I really feel picked on when I'm singled out for blame, especially when it isn't my fault...I'm very sensitive that way." Notice if you want to add, " Anyone would be..." as that is justification and you never need to justify yourself to anyone.

Handling that big issue in your life

2008-04-30T14:42:00.000-07:00

If you are anything like me, or most of us for that matter, there are a few things in your life that continue to nag at you...things with which you struggle. Maybe it's not having enough money, or dealing with a parent, or child, or spouse, or maybe it's your weight, or shyness, or anger. whatever it is...it's something that is both familiar and distressing. Isn't it time to let it go? I think so.

You see so many people in the headlines, Brittney, Paris, Lindsey, and scores of others seemingly with everything, but fighting the devils in their own lives. Sometimes it may even be comforting seeing others struggle, but ultimately your problems are still...YOUR PROBLEMS. What makes a problem a problem?

If we could answer that we might be able to understand what the solutions are. If you think your problem is lack of money then getting a pile of money should solve your problem...but most people who gain wealth overnight will tell you it didn't solve their problems. If you are overweight then losing weight will solve your problem...but few people ever find that to be so. If you think the problem is the content of your complaint, i.e. your wife/husband, child, parent, sex, anxiety, depression, phobia, etc. you have committed the most common mistake of all. You have focused on the content and ignored the process. Your chronic problems in life are not people, places and things...they are the processes you use to deal with them. If you are struggling WITH ANYTHING the problem is YOU ARE STRUGGLING!

If you stop struggling you can get on with solving your issues. The problems most of us face are really problems of survival. What that means is the content (spouse, child, weight, etc.) has triggered us into a survival state of consciousness and from that state of consciousness we try to COPE with the situation. Coping is survival and survival will never bring happiness or satisfaction. The highest emotional state when you operate from survival is relief that the threat, pain, or loss is past.

Survival consciousness has three forms of actions you can take, fight/flight, or freeze. Just imagine trying to solve most of the daily problems you face today by running away, or beating them up, or standing like a deer in the headlights. Fight/ flight/freeze will not solve anything when it comes to your child doing drugs, or your spouse cheating on you, or you eating to fill an emptiness of unknown proportions. Fight/flight/freeze will not solve anxiety, or depression, or money problems or better sex. It will not solve an angry boss or menial job, or upset at a friend. Fight/flight/freeze is a reactive portion of our ancient brain intended to keep us alive in the wild and is now the biggest problem we face today when seeking true happiness and success.

If you want to try an experiment look at the problem you consider the most pressing and ask yourself, "If I weren't coping right now, what would I be feeling." (If the answer is 'angry' try again because anger is coping.) You will find that the answer will invariably be; sad, afraid, or pain and each of these has the power to send you into survival consciousness.

When you acknowledge that the problem with which you are dealing is a result of fear, pain, or loss, you can begin the process of letting go of your fear based consciousness and get on with returning to authentic living. I will be going into how a person can do that in future columns, but for now simply acknowledge that the problem you think you are dealing with is not the one you need to solve; and go to http://www.lifeaftersurvival.com/ and read more about this issue in my new book Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness.

Your life is not about the failures, losses, mistakes, and unhappiness that visit you from time to time...it is all about you overcoming your survival instincts and thriving in a world of your own choosing. Acknowledge your pain, fear and losses; then own them so completely that what is left is nothing but kindness and love for the world around you. Love the ones your with; and then, let them be....Until next time I remain...Respectfully Yours, Larry.

Thought for the Day...Accepting life just the way it is, doesn't mean being glad for all the bad things that may happen...it means knowing that life is unfolding perfectly and you and your circumstances are part of that unfolding. Whatever you feel now will inevitably pass and will be replaced with the new miracle of living experiences.

An Action to Take: Today choose one thing that has been troubling you and allow for the possibility that it is perfect just the way it is. Find three or more things about it that will allow you to appreciate this issue as being important and okay in your life. Each time you are reminded of it today say, "Thank you 'universe' for having this in my life." Then allow yourself to feel the feelings of pain, loss, or fear you have stored up around this issue.